ADHD Motivation – When Everything Feels Too Much

For me, this is exactly what ADHD Motivation. I know what I need to do, but emotions, motivation, and everything else going on around me can make the threshold feel incredibly high.

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I know what I need to do. I can see it clearly in front of me. The task might not even be particularly difficult or take very long.

And yet, nothing happens.

It can be something as simple as putting a few things away, making a phone call, or starting something I have already decided to do. The plan is there in my head, and so is the intention, but somewhere between the thought “I’m going to do it” and actually doing it, a gap appears.

And the strange thing is that once I do get started, the opposite can happen. Suddenly I can get an incredible amount done – and instead have difficulty stopping.

That is one of the things I find interesting about ADHD: wanting to do something, knowing what to do, and actually doing it are not always the same thing.

In the past, I might have thought that I simply needed to pull myself together. Today, I am more curious about what is actually happening in the moment when I get stuck.

What is making the threshold so high today?

ADHD Motivation – When Everything Feels Too Much

Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment.

That alone involved several things that affected me. I had an appointment time to keep, which meant I had to be ready at a specific time. But there was something else too.

I was afraid.

I felt anxious about the dentist appointment itself.

At the same time, the day contained several other small tasks. I needed to pick up a key and take it somewhere else. Not a big task at all, really.

Pick it up. Drop it off. Done.

I had also decided to tackle one small square at home. I was going to clean part of the kitchen and wash the windows. Dinner needed to be made too.

And somewhere in my head there was something completely different that was far more tempting: I wanted to start creating an app I had been thinking about.

Each of these things was completely manageable on its own.

But together, they became many.

And the threshold became high.

ADHD and struggling to get started – the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t do it

The interesting thing is that I actually did all of it.

I went to the dentist. I sorted out the key. I cleaned the kitchen and washed the windows.

So the problem was never really that I couldn’t do it.

Looking back at the day, I can see how easy it is to focus only on someone’s behaviour. From the outside, someone might have seen a person with a few things to do who simply needed to get started.

But on the inside, something completely different was going on.

There was the appointment time I needed to keep. There were all the small tasks waiting for their turn. There was the thing I would much rather have been doing. And right in the middle of it all was my anxiety about going to the dentist.

Perhaps that is why the question “Why don’t I just do it?” isn’t always helpful.

A better question might be:

What is making the threshold so high today?

If I had understood it that morning- ADHD Motivation

If I had realised that morning how much my fear of the dentist was affecting the rest of the day, I might have been able to meet myself differently.

I could have sat down for a moment and imagined myself walking into the dentist’s office and simply saying:

This is difficult for me. I’m afraid.

I could have reminded myself of all the other times I have actually gone to the dentist and things have turned out fine.

I could also have written a few words to myself:

It’s okay to be afraid. Many people find going to the dentist difficult. The important thing is that I go. I don’t have to pretend to feel braver than I do, and I can say what I need in order to feel safer.

Perhaps the fear wouldn’t have disappeared.

But maybe the threshold would have become a little lower.

Because sometimes I don’t need to push myself harder. Sometimes I first need to understand what is actually making something difficult.

When ADHD makes it difficult for me to get started, I don’t necessarily need more motivation. Sometimes I need to understand what is holding me back and make the way forward feel smaller.

My little squares were already there ADHD Motivation

All the other things were already in their own little squares and in my system:

One thing at a time.

They were actually simple tasks.

Pick up the key. Drop it off. Wash the windows. Clean the kitchen. Make dinner.

But that morning, everything became one enormous mountain in my mind. Things that were actually quite small felt heavy and difficult.

I could have helped myself there too.

Not by pretending that everything was easy, but by also thinking about the feeling that would come afterwards.

How good it will feel to have helped with the key.

How nice it will feel when the windows are clean.

How good it will feel to walk into a clean kitchen.

Because once those things were done, completely different feelings appeared. Satisfaction. Relief. And actually, a feeling that things had turned out well.

If I had been able to connect with some of those feelings that morning, instead of seeing only the mountain in front of me, perhaps the road there wouldn’t have felt quite so heavy.

Sometimes, then, I don’t just need to divide what I have to do into smaller parts.

I also need to remind myself how it usually feels when it’s done.

ADHD Motivation – What Is Actually Happening?

When I look at that morning through my ADHD glasses, it becomes quite interesting.

ADHD isn’t only about concentration. Executive functions – things such as getting started, organising, prioritising, and switching between different tasks – can also be affected.

I had already done many of the things that help me. My tasks were in their small squares, and I had my one thing at a time approach.

I didn’t really need to organise the day any further.

I needed to understand what was happening inside me.

The dentist appointment was one thing. The key was another. The windows were a third. The kitchen was a fourth.

But temporarily, my mind had turned them into one enormous:

EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO TODAY.

And at the same time, something was pulling me in the exact opposite direction.

That little burning thought

There was my idea for the app.

That thought was burning brightly.

It kept calling to me and pulling at my attention. I would much rather have sat down and worked on the app than washed windows, picked up a key, or thought about going to the dentist.

And that is where I recognise another side of my ADHD.

It isn’t always that I lack motivation.

Sometimes I have enormous amounts of motivation – just not for the thing that comes next on the list.

When something is new, exciting, and creative, it can capture my attention very strongly. On an ordinary day, I could easily have ended up ignoring both the windows and the kitchen and spending hours working on my new idea instead.

But this time, my little squares helped me.

The windows had their square. The kitchen had its square. The key was a clearly defined task.

I didn’t have to negotiate with myself about the entire day.

One thing at a time.

The app was allowed to remain that exciting, burning thought. I didn’t have to extinguish it.

But it didn’t have to control the whole day either.

Understanding what pulls me – and what holds me back

Looking back at the day, I can see several things happening at the same time.

My fear of the dentist held me back and made the threshold higher.

The small tasks clumped together and looked like a mountain.

The app pulled me in the opposite direction because it was new, creative, and far more appealing.

And somewhere in the middle of all of this were my little squares and my one thing at a time approach.

Perhaps that is what I will take with me from this day.

For me, living with ADHD isn’t only about trying to find more motivation or becoming better at telling myself to “just get on with it.”

It’s also about becoming curious about myself.

What is holding me back right now?

What is pulling me towards something else?

And what small structure can help me do what I need to do without extinguishing what I genuinely long to do?

Yesterday, that structure was my little squares.

And the app?

That burning thought is still there.

For me, ADHD and struggling to get started is therefore not about one single thing. Emotions, motivation, time, and whatever captures my interest can all play a part.

ADHD motivation isn’t always about having too little motivation. Sometimes I have plenty of it – just for something completely different.

Between the Lines – ADHD Motivation

This post is really about more than a dentist appointment, clean kitchen windows, and an app that was calling for my attention.

Between the lines lies the question of how we speak to ourselves when something feels difficult.

It’s easy to think that we should pull ourselves together, become more disciplined, or simply get started. But sometimes we need to stop and explore what is actually happening.

Is the task really too big?

Or is there an emotion making it feel bigger?

Is there something else that feels so appealing that everything else suddenly seems dull and boring?

Or have lots of small things simply clumped together into one enormous mountain?

For me, yesterday was a reminder that structure and self-compassion can be needed at the same time.

My little squares helped me hold on to one thing at a time. But structure couldn’t take care of my fear of the dentist. I needed to meet that in a different way.

I don’t always need a better plan.

Sometimes I need to understand myself a little better.

A Small Reflection

If you recognise yourself in this, you could try stopping for a moment the next time everything feels too much.

Instead of immediately asking yourself, “How am I going to manage all of this?”, you could start somewhere else:

What is making this feel so difficult right now?

Maybe it is the task itself.

Maybe you are worried about something that is going to happen later in the day.

Maybe there is something completely different that your brain would much rather be doing.

Once you understand what is happening, it becomes easier to think about what you actually need.

A smaller task?
A clearer square?
A break?
A little encouragement?
Or perhaps just a few kind words to yourself before you continue?

Questions for You

What usually makes your threshold feel high?

Have you ever experienced one difficult thing making the whole day feel heavy?

What happens when something new and exciting captures your interest?

What helps you return to what you originally intended to do?

Could you divide something that feels big today into one small square?

And how do you think it will feel when that one small thing is finished?

You Might Also Like to Read

If you recognise yourself in what I have described, there is more to read and explore here on Malix.se.

One Thing at a Time – When Everything Becomes Too Much is about those moments when many different things are competing for your attention at the same time.

Under Tools for Life, I also collect materials and reflection exercises that can help create structure, recovery, and a little more space in everyday life.

And if you would like to read more about ADHD and neurodivergence, you can find more of my posts here on the blog.

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“Live today, right now. Yesterday is history and tomorrow lies ahead – right now is where life happens.”
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson