This morning, I started thinking about how love, responsibility and boundaries are actually connected.
🇸🇪 Läs på svenska Vatten, kärlek och respekt för det som är vårt
The thought began with something as simple as a few small plant cuttings and a comment about how plants need water and lots of love in order to survive.
This morning, I thought about a former colleague of mine.
Love, Responsibility and Boundaries – What Do We Need in Order to Grow?
At the time, she worked by the hour, and I especially remember one story she told me. She had been working on another unit and found a plant in their kitchen that looked rather miserable. It had not been watered.
With her special sense of humour, she explained to the staff that plants are actually living things.
And if they are going to stay alive, there is something called water.
If you give them water, they have a better chance of surviving. If you also give them light, they have an even better chance of growing and blooming.
I have remembered that story through the years.
Yesterday, that same former colleague posted a picture of a few small cuttings from different plants. Of course, I could not resist commenting:
“Oh, are those the kind that need water?”
She replied, more or less:
Yes, these are the kind of plants that need water and lots of love in order to survive.
Such an obvious sentence, really.
But it stayed with me.
I started thinking about how love, responsibility and boundaries truly belong together. Because love is not only soft words and kind eyes.
Love, Responsibility and Boundaries – We Need More Than Water
The same is true for us as human beings.
Without water, we cannot survive. We need food that gives our bodies energy. We need sleep, safety and recovery.
But we also need love.
And love is so much bigger than sweet words, hugs and kind looks.
Love can also be something that, at first, does not feel especially loving.
It can be rules.
It can be structure.
It can be expectations and responsibility.
And it can be someone saying:
No. This is not how we do things.
Because freedom without responsibility does not work particularly well, either in a family or in society.
The more I thought about it, the clearer it became to me that love, responsibility and boundaries do not have to be opposites. They can be different parts of the same kind of care.
Who Was Actually Being Disrespectful?
Yesterday, I saw a clip from public transport in Stockholm.
A passenger was trying to travel without a valid ticket, and an employee told him that he needed to pay for his journey.
At first, she said it calmly. He protested and seemed to think that she should not tell him what to do. Eventually, she raised her voice:
You need to pay for your ticket.
She was then accused of being disrespectful because she had raised her voice.
And that made me stop and think.
Who was actually being disrespectful?
Yes, she raised her voice. But at the same time, she was trying to do her job.
A person who chooses to travel without paying also shows a lack of respect. Not only towards the employee who has to speak up, but towards the system we all share.
Because there are things in society that belong to all of us.
Public transport. Schools. Roads. Libraries. Healthcare. Parks and other services that we use, fund and share responsibility for.
They only work if enough of us accept that there are also rules.
Maybe That Is a Kind of Love Too
And then my thoughts returned to the plant.
Water and lots of love, my former colleague had written.
Maybe people need the same thing.
Nourishment and care, absolutely.
But also people around us who dare to set boundaries.
People who expect something from us.
People who remind us that we have both rights and responsibilities.
To me, love does not mean always saying yes.
Sometimes love means saying:
I care enough about you to expect you to take responsibility.
And perhaps respect does not mean that nobody ever raises their voice at us.
Respect also means understanding that I am part of something larger than myself.
Just as that little cutting needs water in order to grow, we human beings need care.
But perhaps we also need a framework within which we can grow.
Water, light, love – and sometimes a clear no.
Maybe we need to talk more about love, responsibility and boundaries as different parts of the same thing, both in families and in society.
Between the Lines – Love, Responsibility and Boundaries
This is not really only about a plant or a ticket on a bus.
It is about what we human beings need in order to grow.
Care matters. Being seen matters. Hearing kind words and feeling that someone believes in us matters.
But perhaps we also need someone who sometimes says stop.
Someone who expects us to take responsibility.
Someone who does not do everything for us.
Because if I am always protected from the consequences of my choices, am I really being helped to grow?
I think love can sometimes be soft.
But sometimes it is steady.
It stays and says:
I care about you. And because I care, I also believe that you are capable of taking responsibility.
A Question for You
What do you think?
Can expectations and boundaries also be a way of showing care?
When do you think a clear no can be an expression of love – and when does it become control?
And how do you see our shared responsibility? What do we ourselves need to contribute so that public transport, schools, healthcare and other shared services can work?
🌿 A Small Reflection
Think about someone you care about.
What does that person need in order to “bloom”?
What is the water – the basic things that need to be there?
What is the light – the things that bring energy and hope?
What is the love?
And is there a boundary or structure that may actually also be a form of care?
And perhaps the most difficult question:
Do I give myself the same water, light and care that I try to give to others?
Read More
→ Live Your Life – How Hard Can It Be?
→ Green Time / Recovery in Everyday Life
Sometimes we need help discovering what we ourselves need in order to grow. If you would like to read more about my supportive conversations, you can find more information under Online Conversations.
Stay With Me
Would you like to keep reflecting with me?
On Malix.se, I write about everyday life, ADHD, relationships, compassion, responsibility, recovery and all those small events that sometimes turn out to contain much bigger questions.
And feel free to leave a comment:
What does a human being need, besides “water”, in order to truly bloom?
🌿 Live today, right now. Yesterday is history and we do not know what tomorrow will bring. Give water, light and love where you are – because today is where life grows. 🌿
Lämna ett svar