How does trust between people really begin? That question stayed with me as I sat down in the evening and reflected on the day that had passed.
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Yesterday was a big day in many ways. Not because I accomplished anything extraordinary, but because when I take a quiet moment to look back on my day, I often discover the small moments that didn’t seem important at first.
My husband’s vacation is over for now, although he’ll be off again next week and then we’ll be heading out with our motorhome, LVL². But I’ve already written about that. This story is about something completely different.
I’m still fighting a cold. That morning, the young lad looked at me and said:
”Aren’t you sick? Shouldn’t you be resting?”
”I am,” I answered. ”I’m just going to clean the kitchen first.”
He laughed.
”That’s the Carina way of resting.”
Maybe he’s right.
The kitchen got cleaned, the laundry was done, and the day moved along at a slower pace than usual.
Later, while I was hanging the washing outside and preparing dinner, he came into the kitchen and asked if an old friend could come and visit.
At that very moment something happened inside me.
All my years working in youth care came rushing back. Within seconds my mind had already created a picture of someone I had never even met. Experience and assumptions mixed together before I even knew who the boy was.
Fortunately, I caught myself.
”That’s fine,” I said. ”But first I’d like to speak with his dad.”
I called him.
He answered, introduced himself by name and told me he was the boy’s father.
I smiled and joked,
”You do realize you could just as easily be one of his friends pretending to be his dad?”
We both laughed.
Then I explained that we live quite far out in the countryside and wanted to make sure he knew exactly where his son would be spending the day.
He paused for a moment.
”I’d like to talk to my son first,” he said.
”Of course,” I replied. ”Just give me a call afterwards so I know you’re comfortable with everything.”
He did.
We agreed on a time for his son to return home.
Well… almost.
The buses were delayed, and everything took longer than planned. Since I was already heading into town for an appointment with my optician, we arranged to meet at the shopping centre instead.
When I saw the boy for the first time, I almost felt ashamed.
Standing in front of me was a polite, shy young boy wearing glasses. All he wanted was to visit a friend he hadn’t seen in years and see where he lived.
My assumptions couldn’t have been more wrong.
As the evening grew shorter, we asked his father if he might stay the night.
At first the answer was no.
A little later a text message arrived.
Now the answer was yes.
Later that evening the boy quietly said,
”My dad trusted you. He knew I’d be safe here.”
Those words stayed with me.
How can trust grow between two people who have never met?
Perhaps it begins with an ordinary phone call.
Perhaps it begins when someone takes the time to explain where they live, listens to another parent’s concerns, and promises to care for what matters most.
But maybe I learned something even more important.
Sometimes my own experiences make me believe I already know something about another person before I’ve even met them.
Yesterday reminded me that I don’t always get it right.
And that’s a lesson I hope I never stop learning.
Trust Between People – Reflection
The strange thing is that at first I thought my years working in youth care had created those assumptions.
But the more I reflected, the more I realized that wasn’t true.
The young people I worked with were never simply their crimes, diagnoses or life stories. They arrived carrying heavy burdens, but once they settled in, they became something entirely different. They laughed, teased each other, missed their families, worried about the future and showed kindness that many people never had the chance to see.
I used to call them little nuggets of gold.
I still do.
Not because everything they had done was good, but because behind every difficult story there was still a person with warmth, humour and dreams.
Many of them taught me just as much as I ever taught them.
Perhaps that’s why I was so surprised by my own first reaction yesterday.
It wasn’t the young people I had worked with who created my assumptions. They had actually taught me to see the person behind the story.
Yet my mind still painted a picture before I had even met this boy.
Maybe that’s simply part of being human.
We all carry experiences that quietly shape the way we see the world.
The important thing isn’t that those first thoughts never appear.
The important thing is what we choose to do with them.
I paused.
I chose to meet the boy instead of my own assumptions.
And standing there was a shy, kind and curious young boy who simply wanted to spend time with his friend.
Perhaps that is how trust between people really grows.
Not through grand gestures, but through curiosity, respect and the willingness to meet each other without letting our assumptions decide who someone is.
🌿 Trust Between People – Between the Lines
Sometimes we believe we know people before we’ve even met them. Maybe because our own experiences quietly whisper in the background. But life has taught me that our first thought is not always the truest one. When we choose to meet the person instead of the story we’ve already created in our minds, something beautiful happens.
Perhaps that is where trust truly begins.
Question for you
Have you ever discovered that your first impression of someone was completely wrong? What did that experience teach you?
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📚 Read More
🌿 The Compass of Conscience – about listening to what feels right.
🌿 What Life Has Taught Me – reflections on people, experiences, and personal growth.
🌿 Powerlessness and Small Steps – about continuing to do what you can, even when you cannot change everything.
🚐 Astrid Lindgren’s World with My Grandchildren – about creating family memories that last a lifetime.
Live today, right now. Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is unknown. The only moment we truly have is this one.
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
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