Weekly Reflection – and this week, it almost feels as if I need to start with the weekend that just passed. My son was in hospital, and at the same time I had my grandchildren here. Those days were filled with both joy and worry, laughter and tiredness. Two feelings could exist at the same time without one taking away the other.
🇸🇪 Svenska – Läs inlägget på svenska →Veckoreflektion – att leva här och nu
🇬🇧 English – You are here
Then the weekend moved into Monday and a full day with the little ones. A day that took almost all my energy, but also filled me with that warm feeling of being a grandmother in exactly the way I want to be.
And now, when I sit down for my weekly reflection, I realise just how much one single week can hold.
Weekly Reflection – The Week That Was
I was looking forward to Monday with both joy and a little anxiety. I was going out with the little ones and giving them – and myself – a whole day together.
Whether it felt like a whole day to them, I don’t know.
But for me, it really did.
For real.
By the evening I was completely exhausted. My banking app made it quite clear that the children had enjoyed themselves, and somewhere along the way all my energy had disappeared.
But what a day it was.
We started with breakfast at Coop and then went on to all sorts of fun things. Maybe it was also quite a perfect way to end the summer holiday.
In the middle of everything, the little girl said:
”It feels like we’re celebrating my birthday today with everything we’re doing, Grandma.”
And yes.
Maybe she wasn’t completely wrong.
For me, though, the day was about something else. It was about getting to be a grandmother in the way I want to be a grandmother.
I think a grandmother should be someone you remember with love and happiness. Someone who makes you feel a little warm inside when you think about her.
Maybe this day gave the little ones a few memories like that.
In me, at least, there was a whole lot of love.
The Week Moves from Summer into Everyday Life
While I was out with the grandchildren on Monday, my son was allowed to leave hospital and go home.
Not well, but better.
Of course I was happy for him. But for me, the worry came back quite quickly.
What if he gets worse again? What if they don’t get to the hospital in time?
But that’s how thoughts can be sometimes.
They aren’t always best friends with the person thinking them.
This week has also been about waiting for school to really begin again here at home. It started with a meeting on Monday, and now the real start has happened.
Everyone once again has their own things to do during the day.
Everyday life is returning.
And somewhere inside me, it actually feels as though we have really lived this summer.
Now we take those memories with us into autumn.
What Was Difficult – or Different from What I Expected
The weekend was intense while I was looking after the children.
Not because I didn’t want to.
Quite the opposite.
I loved every minute of it.
But it took a lot of energy.
What is interesting is that even though I was tired, I went out on my bike in the evenings. You might think that the last thing a tired person needs is one more thing to do.
For me, it was the opposite.
Cycling gave me a chance to clear both my body and my thoughts. I got movement, fresh air and a moment when everything else could stop.
The tiredness didn’t disappear.
But something else was able to exist beside it.
This was also the week when I somehow managed to do Thursday on Wednesday. I even woke the little guy up for school before we realised that we had both completely lost track of what day it was.
So, two days ago we practised Thursday – and yesterday it was the real thing.
I think that can be this week’s little reminder that I probably need a bit more structure and a bit less doing.
When I look back in this weekly reflection, I can also see how important those bike rides actually became.
They didn’t take energy from me in the same way everything else did.
Instead, they gave me a place where my body could move while my thoughts could settle.
What I’ve Discovered
I’ve been working a lot on the app lately, and now I’m beginning to feel:
This is good.
Not just fun to create.
Not just an idea.
Actually good.
I’m still thinking about the best way to describe it, because it can help with so many different things in everyday life. But maybe there is one thing that runs through almost the whole app:
reflection.
Stopping for a moment and noticing what is happening.
What I’m doing.
What I’m feeling.
What I need.
What is working and what might need to change.
And when I think about that, I realise that perhaps this is where a big part of who I am lives.
Reflection is something I have worked with for almost my whole professional life, especially together with young people at the different residential homes where I have worked.
So maybe the app isn’t an idea that suddenly appeared at all.
Maybe it is many years of experience slowly finding a new form.
A Small Thing I Want to Remember
I want to remember Monday’s day out with my grandchildren.
But I also want to remember a small conversation with Hugo.
He thanked me for the lovely drawing tablet and said:
”You’re the best, Grandma.”
He had said the same thing during the weekend.
Tommy got a slightly different review:
”You’re the funniest, Tommy.”
They are small sentences.
But some small sentences deserve to stay with us for a very long time.
What Do I Need for Next Week?
Oh.
I’m not there yet.
Who knows things like that?
Not me.
I’m busy enough living here and now.
But maybe there is still something from this week that I want to take with me.
There was something I had been putting off.
The longer I waited, the bigger it became. The anxiety grew, and eventually shame started sneaking in too.
Finally, I looked at what was actually stopping me.
I made the task smaller.
I was only going to do one thing.
One call.
That was all.
But once I had taken that first step, I kept going.
Suddenly I was sitting on my bike on my way home, and the thing I had been carrying around in my head was done.
Something that had become so big in my thoughts turned out to be possible once I stopped trying to do everything at once.
Maybe that’s the lesson I want to take with me:
Take the small first step.
Not because everything suddenly becomes easy.
But because sometimes the waiting itself has time to build a much bigger obstacle than the task really is.
And Now the Weekend Is Waiting
This weekend we’re going to repeat another weekend.
And we’re doing it in the motorhome.
We’re going back to Mellerud because the cycle paths there were so good. I’m going to cycle into Mellerud again, have coffee with my husband and listen to a political speaker.
The question, of course, is whether the Sweden Democrats will get in the way of the picture this time too.
But if they do, they do.
Last time they were sitting there with their message about ”a safer Sweden.”
Maybe they got in the way of the picture, but they didn’t get in the way of what I thought and felt.
For me, their message doesn’t create safety.
Instead, I find myself thinking about which people are included in that safer Sweden – and which people risk being left outside it.
For me, democracy is about making room for people, even when we don’t agree.
And then there is the economy.
I often hear tax cuts talked about as if they don’t cost anything.
I see it differently.
A tax cut means that someone gets to keep more of their income. But at the same time, it also means less tax money for the things we share as a society.
So I also want to ask:
What do we choose to give up when taxes are cut – and who benefits most from those cuts?
These are the kinds of things I think about when I listen to political speeches.
Not only what is being said from the stage, but what kind of society those words are actually describing.
But first I’m going to cycle.
Then I’m going to have coffee with my husband.
And maybe I’ll just sit there for a while and listen.
Because the weekend doesn’t need to be completely written yet.
It needs to be lived first.
Between the Lines – My Weekly Reflection
When I look back at this week, I can’t really sort it into good or bad.
It held love and worry.
Joy and tiredness.
Children’s laughter and worry about the hospital.
Summer holiday and the start of school.
Bike rides and a body that needed rest.
An app that is growing and a task I would much rather have kept putting off.
Maybe that is exactly what life is.
Not getting rid of everything difficult first so that we can finally enjoy the good things.
But realising that sometimes it is all there at the same time.
And in the middle of all of it, I try to be there.
As a grandmother.
As a mother.
As someone who creates, thinks, reflects and sometimes puts things off for a little too long.
As me.
Here and now.
Live your life – how hard can it be?
Maybe that is what my weekly reflection is showing me this time:
Life doesn’t have to be either good or difficult.
It can be both.
How Has Your Week Been?
When you look back at the week that has passed – what small moment do you most want to carry with you?
Have you ever experienced something you really looked forward to, but that also took almost all your energy?
Is there something you’re putting off right now that might become a little smaller if you just take that very first step?
And can you, just like me, notice that joy, worry, tiredness and love can all exist in the same week – sometimes even in the very same moment?
Feel free to tell me in the comments. I like it when my own reflections get to meet someone else’s.
Recommended Reading
Dream Reflection with Compassion
When I Practised Thursday One Day Too Early
Life Reflections – Thoughts About Life, Relationships and Being Human
Live Your Life – Tools for Everyday Life
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💙 Live Today
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow is waiting further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens.
Carina Ikonen Nilsson, Malix.se
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