These are the moments I call green time without demands – recovery that does not have to be earned.
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Sometimes there are days when nothing in particular is happening. Nothing is urgent, everything important is done, and the day is simply allowed to be. Nothing needs to be fixed right now.
Then there is a comforting sense of control in my body. Nothing has been forgotten, nothing has been missed, and no task is waiting to be done at a specific time. There are probably things I could do, but there is no urgency if they are not done right then – and, above all, not everything has to be done by me.
That is what I call green time. Read more in the workbook.
Green time without demands – when nothing needs to be fixed
In green time, there is calm in my body. If I want to, I can take a bath, go for a walk, or simply sit still and enjoy the fact that nothing is a must.
That is actually how this week has been. The only thing I had to do outside the house was pick up my new glasses from the optician. But even that did not have to be done at that particular moment. I was actually a day early, but I had called to ask whether the glasses were ready and whether I could come and collect them sooner.
So I was still the one deciding how to use my time.
I like it when nothing is waiting for me up ahead. When I do not have to sit and wait for a particular time before I can complete a task. Then there is room to move freely, and I can choose what I want the moment to hold.
My body feels good, and there is time to check in with myself:
How am I feeling?
What do I have?
Who am I when I am not doing things?
Who am I when the projects are finished – and how do I move into green time?
Asking yourself questions like these can almost feel like indulging yourself. Especially when you have spent much of your life carrying the belief:
You are nobody if you are not doing something.
Who am I when there is nothing I have to do?
Who am I when a project is finished and my time is empty of demands?
Today, I do not have many obligations apart from keeping everyday life running at home. At times, that can feel like a full-time job, but it is a full-time job in which nobody else decides what I should do, when I should do it, or how it should be done.
That gives me freedom, but it also raises questions.
Who am I without all my projects? What matters to me when nobody else is deciding how I should spend my time?
When green time truly becomes mine
At first, I feel the calm in my body. It is as though my whole being can breathe when nothing has been forgotten and nobody is waiting for me to do something.
But after a while, an old voice may begin looking for a task. It asks whether I am really allowed to sit still when there are things that could be done.
Then I need to remind myself that everything that could be done does not have to be done right now – and, above all, it does not always have to be done by me. I am allowed to remain in the calm without immediately filling the empty time with a new project.
At the same time, I notice that it is difficult to simply sit completely still and be. When things feel too empty, I easily pick up my phone to see whether anything new has happened.
When everything is as usual, I may start playing Mahjong because I tell myself that it exercises my brain. The game is relaxing, but sometimes I keep playing for longer than I really want to.
Then, suddenly, the judgment comes:
Now I have wasted my time.
Green time can then quickly turn red and become filled with self-criticism. My phone has taken a moment that could have been green and turned it into something I judge myself for afterwards.
Perhaps the answer is not to ban the phone. It is more about noticing when I am choosing it and when it begins choosing for me.
When constant availability becomes normal
In the past, a mobile phone was something we could use to make calls and perhaps read a text message. Even then, we talked about the stress of always being reachable.
Today, we carry games, news, social media, and other people’s lives with us everywhere. Constant availability has become so normal that perhaps we no longer notice the stress it creates.
Sometimes I pick up my phone just to see whether there is anything there. When nothing in particular has happened, I move on to a game. It is as though my brain keeps searching for something new, even though my body is already calm.
My green time does not have to be phone-free. But I need to be able to notice when my phone is no longer helping me recover and is instead beginning to take over the moment.
The time that has already passed can remain in the past. I do not need to turn the rest of the day red by criticising myself. I can put my phone down and allow the next moment to become mine again.
Who am I beyond my roles?
When I ask myself who I am without all the tasks and projects, my first answer is:
A woman. A mother. Myself.
But who is “myself”?
I am someone who writes, draws, and sings along to songs playing on the record player. I enjoy listening to books that help me understand myself and life, particularly self-help books by authors such as Kay Pollak.
When I do these things, I feel calm and free. They are enjoyable, and at the same time, I get to learn something.
These are also things I did as a child. I sang, I wrote even though other people could not always read what I had written, and I drew without knowing what the picture was supposed to represent.
The creative part of me existed long before the blog, the courses, my work, and all the finished products. I did not create for an audience. I did it to be present in the moment.
The judging eyes were not mine to begin with
Little Carina did not judge what she created.
It was other people who said:
I cannot see what it says.
It is misspelled.
That is not how you draw a face.
This is how you are supposed to do it.
Over time, other people’s looks and comments can move into us. Eventually, nobody else needs to say the words because we have begun saying them to ourselves.
Perhaps it is the same old judging voice that now tells me I have wasted my time if I have played for too long, or that what I create is not good enough.
To Little Carina, I would like to say:
How wonderful that you still do the things that brought you joy when you were little. Hold on to that. You are allowed to do things exactly as you want. Do not let judging eyes take away what brings you joy.
And perhaps the adult Carina needs to hear the same thing.
Creativity in green time without demands
Sometimes I dream of a room where my painting supplies can remain out alongside the sewing machine, the computer, and the music. A warm, bright room for creativity without demands.
Today, my painting supplies are in the basement. It is colder down there, the light is poorer, and the room also has to serve as a storage space, Tommy’s computer corner, my computer corner, and a place for all sorts of things. There is not really enough room, and I do not find the same sense of peace down there.
At the same time, I know that having a room of my own does not automatically create inspiration. I have had such a room before, and sometimes it stood empty for long periods. When I did go there, I was not always happy with the result.
Perhaps I am therefore longing not only for a different room, but also for a different way of being in that room.
I want to be able to play with colours and pencils without anything having to be finished or good. I want to be able to use a creative room when inspiration comes, without thinking that I must go there because otherwise the room is being wasted.
Even a place created for freedom can become a demand.
Perhaps my real practice is therefore not to create the perfect room. Perhaps it is about allowing the possibility to exist without turning that into yet another obligation.
When the result does not determine the value
If I did not have to create anything finished, I would want to play with colours and pencils. Nothing would have to represent anything, and nobody would need to judge the result – not even me.
The value of the moment would not be measured by what ended up on the paper. Instead, I could notice it through the calm inside me and through the pleasant tiredness that comes from joy, love, and time for myself.
When my time truly belongs to me, I want to cook, have conversations, spend time with others, paint, knit, or create something.
Exactly what I do is not important. What matters is that I do it for my own sake.
When I am the one choosing, my body becomes calm and it feels enjoyable. Then I experience the freedom of not having to perform.
Perhaps that is exactly what green time is. It does not necessarily mean doing nothing. It can mean being allowed to do something without demands, performance, or judging eyes – simply because the moment and the time are mine.
How Live Your Life, green time, and compassion are connected
Green time grew out of my Green, Yellow and Red model.
In this model, green is the time for recovery, yellow is the time for preparation and transition, and red is the time when we carry out a task. The model helps us understand and plan the different phases of everyday life.
Green time focuses more specifically on how we find and create recovery between everything that needs to be done. Green time is connected to safety and calm, but the main focus here is on time – allowing the body and brain to breathe before the battery is empty.
Read more in the workbook.
Cleaning in Squares is not the same thing, but the tool is connected to the others. When it is time to do something, I can choose one limited square and allow whatever I complete to be enough. In this way, red time does not have to consume all my energy, and it becomes easier to return to green.
Cleaning in Squares helps you divide cleaning into smaller parts and allow whatever you complete to be enough.
Compassion is present as an approach throughout all these tools. It is about trying to understand what the body and brain need instead of pressuring or judging ourselves.
Green time is my own practical tool for everyday life, but it carries the same kind idea as compassion:
Recovery is not something we first have to earn.
Where does compassion fit in?
Compassion is not the same as green time, and green time is not a model taken directly from compassion-focused therapy, or CFT. Green time is my own practical tool for everyday life.
Instead, compassion is present in the way I use the tools. It is about trying to understand what is happening in the body and brain instead of immediately pressuring or judging ourselves.
If I notice that my phone has taken more time than I intended, I do not need to punish myself by turning the rest of the day red. I can meet myself with greater kindness, put my phone down, and allow the next moment to become green again.
Live Your Life gives me practical tools for everyday life. Compassion helps me use them without turning even recovery into a performance.
Both carry the same important reminder:
I do not have to earn rest, safety, or time that belongs to me.
Read more
👉 Live Your Life – How Hard Can It Be?
👉 Compassion and compassion-focused therapy (CFT)
👉 Book an online session
Between the lines
Perhaps free time is not empty.
Perhaps it is only when all the demands fall silent that we have the opportunity to hear who we are.
The old voice may still appear and ask what we ought to be doing. But there is also another voice – the one that remembers what we enjoyed before everything had to be correct, useful, or finished.
Green time is not only the time when we rest between tasks. It can also be the place where we find our way back to the things that once brought us joy.
Not to display them.
Not to finish them.
But to be allowed to be who we are when nobody is judging us.
Reflection – who am I when I am not performing?
You do not have to answer all the questions at once. You are welcome to choose one question and allow the answer to emerge without judging whether it is right or wrong.
Who am I beyond my roles as a parent, partner, professional, or the person who takes care of everything?
What did I enjoy doing as a child, before I began wondering whether it was beautiful, correct, or useful?
What do I naturally turn to when nobody needs anything from me?
Which activities make me feel calm, free, curious, or alive?
What would I like to do if nobody else could see or judge the result?
Which judging voices do I hear when I rest or create – and were they really mine to begin with?
What would I say to my younger self if someone criticised what they had created?
How do I notice, in my body, the difference between something I do because I want to and something I do because I feel I have to?
What would my free time look like if it did not have to be useful or lead to anything?
How do I want to feel when the moment is over – regardless of what I have managed to do or achieve?
Perhaps the answer to who you are is not found in a title or in everything you do. Perhaps it reveals itself in the moments when you are free to follow your curiosity, feel joy, and be present without having to perform.
Which of these questions stirs something in you? You are welcome to share your thoughts in a comment.
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