emotional healing-arkiv

Lake landscape representing Carina’s healing journey while blogging in two languages about life, trauma, and emotional growth.

When I discovered another blogger who was also blogging in two languages, I suddenly felt very small. Comparison stepped in. But with trauma-knowledge, compassion, and a bit of humor, I chose pride instead. There is enough room in this world for both of us.

Read this post in Swedish ->Blogga på två språk – Vi är två som vågar

Carina blogging in two languages about life, emotions, and the trauma the body remembers.

I found her today.
Another woman writing in both Swedish and English.
And immediately something was triggered in me:

“Hey, that’s my thing.
Who are you?
And please don’t think I’m copying you.”

It was as if my inner child jumped onto a chair shouting:
“Copycat alert. Protect yourself.”

My body agreed.
Trauma works fast — it reacts long before the mind has time to understand what is happening.
The red circle lit up:

“Make yourself small. Be careful. Someone is taking your place.”

Blogging in two languages

We are doing completely different things

She writes about gardening, soil, and ecological dreams.
Butterfly beds, seeds, Bokashi — a whole green universe.

Me?
I write about trauma the body remembers.
I write about cold-water dips and the inner life that demands both courage and coffee.

She has her hands in the earth.
I have my feet in freezing water.

Cold water swimming as self-healing while blogging in two languages about trauma, courage, and change.

She grows flowers.
I grow courage.

She helps the outside world bloom.
I help the inside world breathe.

And still, I felt fear.

Attachment whispered: “You are not good enough”

That is the part of me that carries old memories:
that I must perform well to be allowed to exist,
that I must be unique to be worthy.

But then the responsible adult in me whispered:

“You have been blogging since 2009.
nearly 4000 posts.
Your words have carried you for decades.”

I am not new here.
I am not a copy.

Blogging in two languages – and still being yourself

When I saw she started writing in English in September,
because she has English-speaking readers who want to follow along —

I sat here laughing at myself.

“Oh right. The world does not revolve around me or my blog.”

Logic stepped in and said gently:

“This is not about you, dear heart.”

My feelings stepped back a little
and made space for something soft and good.

Green circle – I choose my emotion actively

Compassion stepped closer and whispered:

“It is okay to feel this way. I am here with you.”

And I told my body:

“Thank you for trying to protect me.
But today I choose something different.”

I choose pride.
I choose joy.
I choose both of us.

What if something beautiful grows from this?

I am a greenhouse beginner.
She seems like a professional in gardening.
I used trial-and-error therapy on my tomatoes last summer.

What if she has tips I could learn from.
What if she can inspire me.

And what if I
have inspired her
to dare writing in English.

All these what-ifs
create something warm inside me.

Win-win-win.

A new follower she will get.
And she will get me:

A cold-water-swimming feelings-nerd,
with trauma knowledge and a soul-driven pen,
growing on the inside and in the greenhouse.

Final words – I own my place, my voice, my story

I do not grow by shrinking myself.
Nor by shrinking anyone else.

My place does not get smaller.
It grows
when I allow both her and myself to be brave.

We can both be good.
We can inspire each other.
We can be different — and still equally courageous.

She digs in the soil.
I dig in the heart.

And together we make the world a little more alive.
In our own ways.
Through the power of words.

A question for you, dear reader

Have you ever felt small for a while,
only to realize that the world grew larger
when you let the feeling finish its swim?

Feel free to share.
We grow when we dare to be seen.

A blog I found inspiring

If you want to learn more about gardening, butterfly beds, and green living:
https://levnadskonst.com/

P.S. The blogging world becomes more beautiful when we find each other.

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Also read:

Trauma the body remembers – coping strategies and self-healing
Children do well if they can – dignity, pain, and responsibility in everyday life

Yesterday has already settled into history.
Tomorrow is waiting further ahead.
But right now — this is where life happens.
— Carina Ikonen Nilsson

A calm lake at sunrise — nature and stillness supporting trauma the body remembers and healing in the present moment.

Trauma the Body Remembers – Survival Strategies & Self-Healing

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 5 november 2025

i Personlig utveckling & tankar, Reflektion & självläkning

Trauma the body remembers isn’t only about what happened.
It’s about how the body keeps reacting — as if the danger is still here.
In this text, I explore how these survival strategies arose to protect us and how we can slowly shift from enduring life to living it.

Translation available / Läs på svenska

Swedish version: Trauma kroppen minns – överlevnadsstrategier och självläkning

Trauma is the impact — not the event

Although two people can go through the same experience, their wounds may be very different. What shapes trauma is not the event itself but the degree of fear, loneliness, and powerlessness in the moment.

The body asks:
“Safe or danger?”
Then it keeps the reaction alive as a protective pattern.

Trauma feels permanent.
However — we can soften its grip.
It is part of your story, not your identity.

Scientific insights — what research shows

Trauma lives in the nervous system, not only the memory
(Bessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score)
The body remembers through fight-flight-freeze
(Polyvagal Theory — Stephen Porges)
Early trauma affects stress regulation and brain development
(NIMH)
Healing is possible through safety and connection
(Judith Herman — Trauma and Recovery)

What could not be processed then —
the body carries now.

Trauma the body remembers — even when our mind forgets

Triggers can appear quietly:

A tone of voice.
A look.
A smell.
A single word.

Suddenly, the mind goes blank.
Or feelings flood in.
The heart races — while you smile as if everything is fine.

The body isn’t sabotaging you.
It’s protecting you.

Survival strategies — brilliant solutions when hope was thin

We often judge ourselves for how we cope. Yet these patterns were wise strategies when we were small or powerless:

Being quiet, polite, never needing anything
Taking care of others to stay safe
Avoiding asking for support to dodge rejection
Becoming invisible so no one would get upset
Perfectionism — worth measured by performance

These strategies are not weakness.
They are evidence of brilliance in a difficult environment.

When protection starts holding us back

Even when life is now safe, the body reacts as if danger remains:

Saying yes when everything inside says no
Pulling away when someone comes close
Taking on everyone’s responsibility
Smiling through pain
Losing your voice when you need it most

Exhaustion becomes constant.
Headaches and stomach issues become companions.
The body speaks louder:

LISTEN. I am ready to heal.

My reflection — from surviving to living

I believed my discomfort was normal.
That I must always push.
Always stay strong.

But healing began when I slowed down.

I started asking:
“What do I need right now?”

Cold-water swims became moments of truth.
The cold warms the soul into stillness.
The body releases its grip.
And for hours afterward — life feels possible.

When I say no, my body celebrates.
When I say yes, it comes from within:

Yes to Stellas Lekland
Yes to picking up Alfred from practice
Yes to the lake
Yes to writing this without guilt

Because I matter.
And my body knows it.

Healing happens in the present

Carina Ikonen Nilsson taking a cold-water swim as part of self-healing — trauma the body remembers and the nervous system calms in nature. — Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Trauma is not what happened —
but what stayed living inside us.

This also means:

What is alive can change.

With:

Safety
Presence
Self-compassion
Healthy boundaries
Honest yes and brave no

… the nervous system learns:
It is now — not then.

Between the lines — courage to live

We thank our survival strategies for protecting us.
And then we ask:

“Do they still serve me — or keep me stuck in yesterday?”

It is never too late to choose yourself.
As long as there is breath —
there is hope.
A second chance always exists.

You survived.
Now you get to live.

Question for you

Which survival strategy once helped you stay safe —
and how could you take one step toward living today?

Comment below — I would love to hear from you

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Carina Ikonen Nilsson
“Yesterday rests in history.
Tomorrow waits ahead.
But right now — life happens.”

Children Should Be Allowed to Be Children

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 1 november 2025

i Reflektion & självläkning, Utbildning & samtalsterapi

When children grow up in the middle of conflict or strong emotions between adults, responsibility and guilt often land where they never belong — on the child’s shoulders.
This is my story about taking on adult responsibilities as a child, about insecure attachment, and about finding my adult voice again.

Läs det här på Svenska ->Barn ska få vara barn

Childhood Responsibilities That Were Never Mine

Children should be allowed to be children.
Not carry adult conflicts or worries. It really is that simple.

When a child feels that something is wrong, when voices rise or emotions fill the room, the child often believes it’s their job to fix everything.
If only they say the right thing, stay quiet, or behave perfectly — then peace will return.

A child’s heart finds simple solutions:

“If I’m good enough…”
“If I’m quiet enough…”
“If I can make everyone happy…”

But it was never the child’s responsibility.

Also read:
Children Do the Best They Can – Pain, Shame and Responsibility

When I Was Little — and Quiet for the Sake of Safety

My mother often shouted. Her voice settled into my body as a signal: stay silent, make yourself small.

Even now, I can feel that same wave of fear when someone raises their voice.
In an instant, I’m back in my childhood.

I remember once when my parents fought over a kitchen sink my father had given me. I was an adult, with children of my own, yet there I stood again — small, quiet, letting my mother’s voice fill the room.

I wish I’d had the voice I have today.
I would have said:

“This hurts me.
It hurts my children.
And I will not accept it.”

But the child in me believed silence was safety.

When the Child Still Lives Inside the Adult

It stays with you.
Even now, conflicts are hard for me.
When two people argue, I don’t know who to support. I try to mediate, to explain, to calm things down — as if it’s still my job to keep the world soft.

I say things like:

“Maybe the other person isn’t feeling well…”
“There’s probably a boundary here somewhere…”

And I forget about myself.

In heated moments, I don’t always know what I need.
My body reacts before my voice arrives.

Attachment – The Strategy I Learned

I did what children do:
I saved the relationship, even when it cost me myself.

What formed was avoidant-insecure attachment:

“If I just stay out of the way, everything will be fine.”

And a pleasing strategy:

“If everyone else is happy, I’m safe.”

It was the best survival skill I had as a child — and my body kept it long into adulthood.

If My Attachment Had Been Secure

If I had grown up with secure attachment, the adults would have taken care of their own feelings.
I would have been able to think:

“Mom is angry – but I’m safe.”

I wouldn’t have carried guilt that wasn’t mine.
I would have stayed a child and still known that love holds.

Secure attachment means being allowed to be a child
and to trust that adults take care of the grown-up things.

The Difference — A Simple Overview

Secure Attachment	Insecure Attachment (Avoidant/Pleasing)
The child feels safe even when an adult is angry	The child becomes scared and quiet to avoid danger
The child stays a child during conflict	The child tries to fix adult problems
Emotions are allowed and welcomed	The child hides or shuts down emotions
I am important	I must not be a burden
Adults take responsibility for their feelings	Children take responsibility for adults’ emotions

How Adults Can Give Children Security

A grandmother holding a child in a warm, safe embrace – a safe hug for children

I wish adults would stop and truly see the child’s reality.
That we take responsibility for what belongs to us — not what belongs to them.

We can create safety through small, powerful actions:

Say: “This isn’t your fault.”
Show: “I’m responsible for my feelings.”
Affirm: “It’s okay to feel that way.”
Prove that love holds even when life shakes.

And when we lose control — apologize.
Because children should never be the ones rescuing adults.

Today, I Am the Adult in My Own Life

I’m practicing saying:

“What do I need?”

I practice setting boundaries,
letting the child in me rest,
and being the adult in my own body.

Each time I succeed — something heals.

Every child needs safety.
And so does the child that still lives inside me.

My Truth Now

Children should be allowed to be children.
And I am allowed to be an adult now.

I cannot change the past,
but I can choose how I move forward.
I can repair backward by doing differently ahead.

Children should be allowed to laugh, play,
and feel safe — without being braver than the adults.

It’s us, the grown-ups, who must ensure that.

Final Quote

Yesterday is history, and it’s in the present moment we can do something about that history —
so tomorrow becomes the result of what once hurt.
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Reflection – Between the Lines

What stirs within you when you think of your inner child?

Question to You, the Reader

Do you remember a time when you carried too much responsibility as a child?
You’re welcome to share in the comments.

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blog statistics malix.se reflected in a calm lake view on an autumn day in Dalsland, where words continue to wander

Talk Therapy in Sweden – When Darkness Comes with Its Light

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 26 oktober 2025

i Personlig utveckling & tankar, Reflektion & självläkning, Utbildning & samtalsterapi

In pace with the darkness settling over autumn

As the darkness settles over autumn, I find stillness in the soft mornings.
It is also now that I want to invite you to talk therapy in Sweden – an opportunity to meet yourself with warmth, respect, and presence.
In our conversations, you will have time to pause, feel, and let your words become a light in the dark.

Read this post in Swedish →Samtalsterapi i Sverige – när mörkret kommer med sitt ljus

When Darkness Comes with Its Light

Morning again. Wintertime is here, and we’ve returned to our ordinary rhythm.
It will be lighter in the mornings, but the afternoons will darken earlier.
Welcome, little winter, and your quiet season of darkness.

You are here again, surrounding us in your calm shadows – where we light candles, not to curse the dark, but to soften it.
Or do we?

I light candles because they make me feel softer.
Because the little girl inside me enjoys watching the flickering beams.
I don’t think I’ve ever cursed the dark; it’s nothing I can control – it simply is.
Every moment holds its own beauty, and even darkness carries rest, a pause from everything that dazzles.

Candlelight in the dark – a symbol of inner warmth, reflection, and talk therapy in Sweden.

A light in the dark. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to meet yourself – with stillness and warmth.

Soon, we’ll move closer to the light again.
In just a couple of months, I’ll be sowing my seeds and planning the greenhouse once more.
By then, we’ll have celebrated Lucia, birthdays, Christmas, and New Year’s.

No, I don’t curse the darkness. I live with it.
I feel how the moments grow softer, how the warmth of the house feels more tangible.
The contrasts to summer are simply that – contrasts – and they are meant to be lived.

The words wanted to go there, though it wasn’t what I planned to write about.
They just arrived, as they often do when the heart leads the way.

Talk Therapy in Sweden – Looking for Clients

In the middle of this dark and quiet time, I want to invite you to something that also has to do with light.
I am currently training to become a certified talk therapist and am now looking for practice clients.

Sessions are free of charge during my education period and are primarily held via Teams, but phone sessions are also possible.
This offer applies to those who live in Sweden or speak Swedish – so that we can truly understand one another.

This is an opportunity to speak, in peace and safety, about what matters to you – stress, relationships, grief, life choices, or simply a longing for change.

What I Offer in Talk Therapy in Sweden

Talk therapy in Sweden gives you the chance to see new perspectives and meet yourself more deeply.
I offer personally tailored sessions based on your life situation, your emotions, and what you wish to explore.
I listen without judgment and without ready-made solutions – but with presence, warmth, and respect.
Through our conversations, you can begin to understand yourself more clearly and find your own way forward.

Entering talk therapy can be a beautiful investment in yourself – an opportunity to meet yourself gently, at your own pace.
It gives you space to land, to grow, and to reconnect with your own center.

I work with several therapeutic approaches that I have used throughout my career and am now deepening through my education:
a client-centered approach built on respect, trust, and genuine listening, where every meeting takes its own shape.

Motivational Interviewing (MI) – strengthening your own motivation for change
Cognitive Behavioral-inspired methods (CBT) – understanding the links between thoughts, feelings, and behavior
Low-Affective Approach – creating calm and safety in communication
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion – finding peace in the moment and becoming a friend to yourself

Why Talk Therapy in Sweden with Me

I have spent many years working with people in difficult life situations and with young individuals who have struggled to find their way.
I know how important it is to be seen – not for what you do, but for who you are.

I don’t claim to always listen perfectly, but I always strive to listen deeply.
For me, it’s not about giving advice but about giving space.
It’s about daring to stay with what feels difficult without rushing toward a solution.
When I listen, I try to understand – not to respond, but so that you can truly be heard.

I believe in the power of conversation – that it can heal, change, and offer new hope.

Would You Like to Be My Practice Client?

You are warmly welcome to reach out via email: carina@malix.se
Sessions are scheduled individually and are held in confidence.

A Thought for Nature

When we grow on the inside, it can feel meaningful to let something grow outside too.
That’s why today I encourage you to support Vi Agroforestry (Vi-skogen) – an organization that plants trees and strengthens both the climate and people’s livelihoods.
Together, we can help create more greenery, oxygen, and hope for the future.

Learn more or donate here: https://viskogen.se

Misty morning by the lake with still water and distant trees – nature’s calm and reflection, connected to Vi Agroforestry and talk therapy in Sweden.

Nature reminds us of the connection between growth, stillness, and care. When we let something grow out there, something grows within us too.

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Between the Lines

In darkness, I often find the quiet, the raw, and the honest.
It’s there I realize how much light truly lives in the conversation, in the meeting, in the presence.
To face yourself isn’t always easy – but that’s where growth begins.

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Prenumerera:
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Yesterday has already settled into history.
Tomorrow waits somewhere ahead.
But right now – this is where life happens.

AHA – Between the Lines

As I write about darkness and light, I realize it’s the same as in talk therapy.
It’s about daring to stay with what is, without rushing toward something new.
That’s where the light truly lives – not beyond the dark, but within it.

Reflection

Just like in talk therapy in Sweden, understanding grows in the silence between words.
When someone truly listens, something within us begins to breathe more freely.
It’s in those moments that I’m reminded why I do what I do.

A Question for You

How do you meet yourself in the darker season – do you flee from it, or do you let it show you something new?

Frequently Asked Questions about Talk Therapy

What does it cost to be a practice client?
The sessions are completely free during my training period.

How are the sessions conducted?
Sessions within talk therapy in Sweden take place via Teams or by phone. You decide what you want to talk about, and the space is calm and safe.

How long does a session last?
Each session lasts about 50 minutes. Together, we plan how many sessions feel right for you.

Who can participate?
The offer is open to those who live in Sweden or speak Swedish – so that we can truly understand each other.

Do I need to have a specific problem to book?
No. Conversations can also be a way to get to know yourself, reflect on life, or discover new perspectives.