Trauma the body remembers isn’t only about what happened.
It’s about how the body keeps reacting — as if the danger is still here.
In this text, I explore how these survival strategies arose to protect us and how we can slowly shift from enduring life to living it.
Translation available / Läs på svenska
Swedish version: Trauma kroppen minns – överlevnadsstrategier och självläkning
Trauma is the impact — not the event
Although two people can go through the same experience, their wounds may be very different. What shapes trauma is not the event itself but the degree of fear, loneliness, and powerlessness in the moment.
The body asks:
“Safe or danger?”
Then it keeps the reaction alive as a protective pattern.
Trauma feels permanent.
However — we can soften its grip.
It is part of your story, not your identity.
Scientific insights — what research shows
- Trauma lives in the nervous system, not only the memory
(Bessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score) - The body remembers through fight-flight-freeze
(Polyvagal Theory — Stephen Porges) - Early trauma affects stress regulation and brain development
(NIMH) - Healing is possible through safety and connection
(Judith Herman — Trauma and Recovery)
What could not be processed then —
the body carries now.
Trauma the body remembers — even when our mind forgets
Triggers can appear quietly:
A tone of voice.
A look.
A smell.
A single word.
Suddenly, the mind goes blank.
Or feelings flood in.
The heart races — while you smile as if everything is fine.
The body isn’t sabotaging you.
It’s protecting you.
Survival strategies — brilliant solutions when hope was thin
We often judge ourselves for how we cope. Yet these patterns were wise strategies when we were small or powerless:
- Being quiet, polite, never needing anything
- Taking care of others to stay safe
- Avoiding asking for support to dodge rejection
- Becoming invisible so no one would get upset
- Perfectionism — worth measured by performance
These strategies are not weakness.
They are evidence of brilliance in a difficult environment.
When protection starts holding us back
Even when life is now safe, the body reacts as if danger remains:
- Saying yes when everything inside says no
- Pulling away when someone comes close
- Taking on everyone’s responsibility
- Smiling through pain
- Losing your voice when you need it most
Exhaustion becomes constant.
Headaches and stomach issues become companions.
The body speaks louder:
LISTEN. I am ready to heal.
My reflection — from surviving to living
I believed my discomfort was normal.
That I must always push.
Always stay strong.
But healing began when I slowed down.
I started asking:
“What do I need right now?”
Cold-water swims became moments of truth.
The cold warms the soul into stillness.
The body releases its grip.
And for hours afterward — life feels possible.
When I say no, my body celebrates.
When I say yes, it comes from within:
Yes to Stellas Lekland
Yes to picking up Alfred from practice
Yes to the lake
Yes to writing this without guilt
Because I matter.
And my body knows it.
Healing happens in the present
Trauma is not what happened —
but what stayed living inside us.
This also means:
What is alive can change.
With:
- Safety
- Presence
- Self-compassion
- Healthy boundaries
- Honest yes and brave no
… the nervous system learns:
It is now — not then.
Between the lines — courage to live
We thank our survival strategies for protecting us.
And then we ask:
“Do they still serve me — or keep me stuck in yesterday?”
It is never too late to choose yourself.
As long as there is breath —
there is hope.
A second chance always exists.
You survived.
Now you get to live.
Question for you
Which survival strategy once helped you stay safe —
and how could you take one step toward living today?
Comment below — I would love to hear from you
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Carina Ikonen Nilsson
“Yesterday rests in history.
Tomorrow waits ahead.
But right now — life happens.”
