When feelings get stuck in the body, they can create reactions long before the mind has time to understand what’s happening. In this post, I write about what happens when feelings stay in the body, why it happens, and how I try to understand those feelings instead of pushing them away.
Read this post in Swedish ->När känslor fastnar i kroppen – och hur jag lär mig lyssna
When the Body Remembers What the Mind Has Forgotten
When feelings get stuck in the body, I often react physically before I react mentally. A tightness in the chest, tense shoulders, or a sense of the breath stopping halfway. These are the bodily signals that tell me something old is waking up, not something that actually belongs to the moment I’m in.
As a child, I had feelings I didn’t have words for. The body took what I couldn’t express. It held together what no one else saw. So it’s not strange that these old reactions still show up—the body continues until I show that I am ready to take over.
When I pause and listen, I often realize the feeling does not belong to today. It’s an old reaction, an old memory the body shows me because I can handle it now. That’s when I can say:
“I hear you. This is old. You protected me then. I can take care of myself now.”
And that in itself is a part of the healing process.
Fight, Flight, or Staying With Myself – My Choice Today
Before, I mostly reacted through either flight or fight.
Flight could be the bed, music, silence, or shutting down my feelings.
Fight could be anger, irritation, or defensiveness.
Those were my ways of surviving.
Today I try something different:
I stay.
It doesn’t mean I always manage, but it means I try. When I stay with myself, I see that the feelings aren’t threats—they’re information. They show where it once hurt, and why today’s reaction becomes strong even when the situation is small.
I don’t need to perform, defend myself, or shrink.
I only need to ask:
“Does this reaction belong to today—or does it belong to history?”
When I do that, the drama falls away.
And I find my calm again.
Listening to the Body – Without Judgment
When feelings get stuck in the body, it’s easy to judge myself.
To think I should be over something.
But feelings don’t work that way.
The body reacts before logic does.
When my shoulders rise, my stomach tightens, and my breath gets stuck, I know an old feeling is active. I don’t try to push it away. I try to understand what it’s really saying:
Is it loneliness?
Smallness?
Sorrow?
Fear of not being enough?
The feeling needs time.
And words.
When I find the words, the feeling loses some of its intensity.
Sometimes I quietly say:
“I’m sorry you had to scream. I’m listening now.”
It calms me.
And it calms the body.
When Old Feelings Appear in Everyday Moments
The strongest reactions rarely come during big events.
They come when something small reminds the body of something old—a tone of voice, a look, a single word.
Then the body can say:
“You’re about to be exposed.”
“You’ll be small again.”
This is often about old shame and old stories from a time when I didn’t have words or safety.
It also shows up when I stand in my bigger self—when I’m grounded, honest, clear.
That’s often when someone else, who feels insecure, reacts.
Not to push me down, but because my steadiness touches something in them.
But today I know I shouldn’t shrink.
I shouldn’t go down to someone else’s level.
I shouldn’t abandon myself so someone else can feel bigger.
When I stay with myself, both I and the relationship become safer.
The Healing That Comes From Understanding Myself
When I understand why I react the way I do, I no longer need to fight myself.
I don’t need to hide, perform, or explain myself away.
Self-love becomes a natural consequence of understanding.
Then the questions become:
“What do I need right now?”
“Can this wait until I have grounded myself?”
Today, I choose the thoughts that give me calm instead of the automatic ones that pull me down.
They are small shifts.
But they make a big difference.
Small Steps – Big Changes
The real change happens in the small steps.
When I pause and ask:
“Do I need to continue like this?”
“Is there a better path?”
When I notice the small things that work—when I feel gratitude for waking up, writing, feeling—then something shifts in me.
And she is there too:
the little girl inside me who needed more than she received.
I cannot change her history.
But I can give her the care now.
It makes a difference.
For her.
And for me.
Between the Lines – My Voice
What I see between the lines is that everything I feel has a reason. It’s not strange, it’s old. And when I can see it for what it is, it becomes easier to meet myself with respect instead of demands. It makes me calmer, because then I know I don’t have to change everything at once—I only need to understand what is happening inside me.
Aha – My Insight
My aha here is that healing isn’t about removing feelings, but understanding them. When I understand why something feels big, the pressure in my body softens on its own. I don’t need to fight myself anymore. I need to listen, not perform.
Reflection – My Thought Today
My reflection is that I’m beginning to trust myself in a new way. It feels unfamiliar but right. At the same time, I know I will never be “finished.” No one is. Development has to stay alive. If I fall asleep in my own process, the old truths sneak back again. That’s why I keep writing and understanding—it keeps me awake in myself.
Quote
Yesterday has already settled into history. Tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now—this is where life happens.
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
