personal growth-arkiv

A quiet morning scene representing the reflection Who am I if I don’t write – when the body says no and the words fall silent.

Who am I if I don’t write?
This question followed me throughout yesterday – when my body said no and the words no longer carried their usual ease. In this post I explore what happens when writing falls silent, when SEO and technique take over, and how an ordinary, tired morning can open up a deeper understanding of myself. I also link to earlier posts like When the Body Reacts Before the Thought and When Feelings Get Stuck in the Body – because they belong to the same journey I’m on.

Read this in Swedish ->Vem är jag om jag inte skriver?

When the Body Says No

Yesterday morning I felt unwell. I had been freezing during the night and was still cold as I sat here writing the post that was supposed to go up. Afterward, a strange feeling came over me – as if something wasn’t quite right. It was like the words I had written were no longer mine, as if something inside me had grown tired. It became too much SEO and too little of myself, and that stirred a question I couldn’t shake off: who am I if I don’t write?

Who Am I If I Don’t Write – When the Words Fall Silent?

It’s really a question I don’t even want to ask, but that I feel I have to explore.
Because what do I do when I’m not writing?
Well – I clean, cook, take care of my family. I browse the internet, drink tea, withdraw into myself. But none of that is the whole of me. It’s not the part that is curious, eager to learn, fascinated by people and psychology – the part that can’t be touched but still steers so much. Exactly what I wrote about in The Body Remembers – Survival Strategies and Self-Healing.

A Slow Morning That Taught Me More Than I Expected

When the uneasiness washed over me yesterday, I chose something different.
A quiet morning.

I made the bed slowly, walked around in my robe, felt low. My morning swims had been skipped for several days, and today I chose not to push through either. The feverish feeling and the tiredness got to decide, and I listened.

After a while at the computer, I picked up my study book again, read a little and reflected. But when it was enough, I knew I needed air. I drove down into town, went to the pharmacy and bought the little things that help me feel better. Small things – but important ones. It felt like every small action carried me a little bit.

Small Steps Back to Myself

When the items were in the car, I walked to the hairdresser.
It wasn’t really planned – my steps just took me there.

I have long hair, always in a ponytail, heavy to wash and brush, and I don’t like when it falls into my face. But I’ve just endured it. Yesterday it was time for a change. I booked a time – and today I’m going.

I don’t know yet how short it will be. I’ll feel it when I sit there.
Maybe the change begins right here, in the small things.

When I came home, something felt different. Not like everything was fine, but like something had shifted. As if I had taken a small step toward myself. Small everyday actions became small reminders that I still exist even when the words go quiet.

Maybe the answer to the question “who am I if I don’t write?” isn’t a word at all – but this:
I am still me, even then.
I live in the in-between spaces too.
I am not only my texts.

And to understand all of this a bit better, I also read a section about recovery and rest on 1177.se (external link), just to remind myself that sometimes the body needs more time than the mind wants to admit.

Reflection

Looking back at yesterday, I see how easy it is to lose yourself in everything you think you have to do. SEO, meta, structure and tech are good tools – but they must not become my boundaries.

My body showed me that I needed to rest, slow down, and make space for myself.
I am not less Carina just because I write less on a given day.
I am still me, even in the quiet.

Between the Lines – My Voice

This isn’t really about a blog post or a bad day.
It’s about identity.

About how I sometimes forget that I am a human being first and a writer second.
I need my words – but I also need the silence.

I don’t exist in the boxes that are meant to turn green.
I exist in the feelings, in the steps toward the pharmacy, in the rest, in the decision to book a haircut.
That’s where my voice lives.

A Question for You Who Read

What happens to you when a part of you falls silent for a while – and how do you find your way back?

Kallbad som självläkning medan jag bloggar på två språk om trauma, mod och förändring.

Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Yesterday is already resting in history. Tomorrow will come when it does.
Right now is what matters.
This is where life happens.
— Carina Ikonen Nilsson

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When feelings get stuck in the body and create tension – the body speaking before the mind.

English Version – When Feelings Get Stuck in the Body

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 9 november 2025

i Personlig utveckling & tankar

When feelings get stuck in the body, they can create reactions long before the mind has time to understand what’s happening. In this post, I write about what happens when feelings stay in the body, why it happens, and how I try to understand those feelings instead of pushing them away.

Read this post in Swedish ->När känslor fastnar i kroppen – och hur jag lär mig lyssna

When the Body Remembers What the Mind Has Forgotten

When feelings get stuck in the body, I often react physically before I react mentally. A tightness in the chest, tense shoulders, or a sense of the breath stopping halfway. These are the bodily signals that tell me something old is waking up, not something that actually belongs to the moment I’m in.

As a child, I had feelings I didn’t have words for. The body took what I couldn’t express. It held together what no one else saw. So it’s not strange that these old reactions still show up—the body continues until I show that I am ready to take over.

When I pause and listen, I often realize the feeling does not belong to today. It’s an old reaction, an old memory the body shows me because I can handle it now. That’s when I can say:

“I hear you. This is old. You protected me then. I can take care of myself now.”

And that in itself is a part of the healing process.

Fight, Flight, or Staying With Myself – My Choice Today

Before, I mostly reacted through either flight or fight.
Flight could be the bed, music, silence, or shutting down my feelings.
Fight could be anger, irritation, or defensiveness.
Those were my ways of surviving.

Today I try something different:
I stay.

It doesn’t mean I always manage, but it means I try. When I stay with myself, I see that the feelings aren’t threats—they’re information. They show where it once hurt, and why today’s reaction becomes strong even when the situation is small.

I don’t need to perform, defend myself, or shrink.
I only need to ask:

“Does this reaction belong to today—or does it belong to history?”

When I do that, the drama falls away.
And I find my calm again.

Listening to the Body – Without Judgment

When feelings get stuck in the body, it’s easy to judge myself.
To think I should be over something.
But feelings don’t work that way.
The body reacts before logic does.

When my shoulders rise, my stomach tightens, and my breath gets stuck, I know an old feeling is active. I don’t try to push it away. I try to understand what it’s really saying:

Is it loneliness?
Smallness?
Sorrow?
Fear of not being enough?

The feeling needs time.
And words.
When I find the words, the feeling loses some of its intensity.

Sometimes I quietly say:

“I’m sorry you had to scream. I’m listening now.”

It calms me.
And it calms the body.

When Old Feelings Appear in Everyday Moments

The strongest reactions rarely come during big events.
They come when something small reminds the body of something old—a tone of voice, a look, a single word.

Then the body can say:

“You’re about to be exposed.”
“You’ll be small again.”

This is often about old shame and old stories from a time when I didn’t have words or safety.

It also shows up when I stand in my bigger self—when I’m grounded, honest, clear.
That’s often when someone else, who feels insecure, reacts.
Not to push me down, but because my steadiness touches something in them.

But today I know I shouldn’t shrink.
I shouldn’t go down to someone else’s level.
I shouldn’t abandon myself so someone else can feel bigger.

When I stay with myself, both I and the relationship become safer.

The Healing That Comes From Understanding Myself

When I understand why I react the way I do, I no longer need to fight myself.
I don’t need to hide, perform, or explain myself away.
Self-love becomes a natural consequence of understanding.

Then the questions become:

“What do I need right now?”
“Can this wait until I have grounded myself?”

Today, I choose the thoughts that give me calm instead of the automatic ones that pull me down.

They are small shifts.
But they make a big difference.

Small Steps – Big Changes

The real change happens in the small steps.
When I pause and ask:

“Do I need to continue like this?”
“Is there a better path?”

When I notice the small things that work—when I feel gratitude for waking up, writing, feeling—then something shifts in me.

And she is there too:
the little girl inside me who needed more than she received.

I cannot change her history.
But I can give her the care now.

It makes a difference.
For her.
And for me.

Between the Lines – My Voice

What I see between the lines is that everything I feel has a reason. It’s not strange, it’s old. And when I can see it for what it is, it becomes easier to meet myself with respect instead of demands. It makes me calmer, because then I know I don’t have to change everything at once—I only need to understand what is happening inside me.

Aha – My Insight

My aha here is that healing isn’t about removing feelings, but understanding them. When I understand why something feels big, the pressure in my body softens on its own. I don’t need to fight myself anymore. I need to listen, not perform.

Reflection – My Thought Today

My reflection is that I’m beginning to trust myself in a new way. It feels unfamiliar but right. At the same time, I know I will never be “finished.” No one is. Development has to stay alive. If I fall asleep in my own process, the old truths sneak back again. That’s why I keep writing and understanding—it keeps me awake in myself.

Quote

Yesterday has already settled into history. Tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now—this is where life happens.

Carina Ikonen Nilsson

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Woman standing on a jetty before a cold morning swim, symbolizing strength and not feeling alone in emotions.

Feeling Alone in Emotions – Why I Write

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 7 november 2025

i bloggutveckling-skrivande, Malix

I have often felt alone in my emotions, and I know that many people share that experience. Feeling alone in emotions can be heavy, and that is why I write.

Read this post in Swedish:
Jag skriver för att ingen ska vara ensam i sina känslor

When words find me

I do not write because I should. I write when the words come to me.
They arrive when I walk down to the lake, when I pour my morning coffee, or when the house is quiet and I can finally hear my own thoughts. Sometimes they appear just when I am about to fall asleep, reminding me that silence can no longer hold everything. Writing is how I breathe, and breathing is how I continue living.

When studies give my words a place to land

Now that I am studying again, everything I write lands differently. The words lean on the knowledge I have gathered through the years – through conversations, through all the people I have met, through theories that once felt distant but now make sense. What I struggled to grasp before has a place in my life today. Concepts no longer float outside of me; they have become part of who I am and how I understand others.

Meeting young people – and myself

Working with young people has shown me how common feeling alone in emotions can be. They have learned to keep everything inside or break loudly enough for someone to notice. When I write, I try to understand my own protective strategies as much as I try to understand theirs. To support others, I must be willing to meet myself.

Children Should Be Allowed to Be Children

The morning dip – staying with what feels uncomfortable

Perhaps that is why cold morning swims have become so important to me. The first step into the water always comes with resistance. The body wants to run. But when I stay, when I breathe, when I let the cold hold me without fighting it, something shifts.
The same thing happens in writing.
I learn that I can survive discomfort. I am stronger each time I choose to remain in the moment.

Misty lake and jetty, morning swim and a sense of belonging in nature.

Belonging, KASAM, and the bad sisters

It is not only the swim that matters. It is that we do it together. There is a sense of coherence – KASAM – in meeting my “bad sisters” at dawn, before the world wakes up. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we are silent, but we share the same courage. We swim no matter the weather. In that moment, there is nothing to prove. We are simply ourselves. It strengthens us. It connects us. It gives us a place to belong.

Heaven Is Here – In Nature’s Rhythm and In Us

Feeling Alone in Emotions – When the Text Reaches Others

There have been times in my life when I was surrounded by people and still felt alone in what I felt inside. Writing is my way of breaking that isolation. And every time someone reads and thinks, “This is how it feels for me too,” then the burden is already shared by two.

Even my blog statistics have become a quiet reminder that words travel. Someone in Sweden. Someone in the United States. Someone I will never meet who needed a sentence or a moment of recognition. Statistics are not the goal, but they are evidence that human experience is universal.

Warm coffee after cold bath, connection and belonging after facing emotions.

Why I write

I write because the words exist and because I need them. I write so that others do not have to feel alone in their emotions. Emotions are not the enemy. They help us understand where we come from and where we are going.
The emotions that once protected me can hold me back today. That is why I continue writing: to make room for healing, courage, and forward movement.

Trauma the Body Remembers – Survival Strategies & Self-Healing

Questions for you as a reader
Do you recognize the feeling of being alone in your emotions?
What helps you stay when something feels uncomfortable?
Where do you find your own sense of belonging — in water, in words, or in connection?

Between the Lines – My Voice

Between the words, there is stillness.
I no longer write to understand, but to share what I’ve already learned.
Here, emotions can rest without struggle – and so can I.

Reflection

Sharing what we feel makes life less lonely to live. Writing reminds me that none of us are truly feeling alone in emotions.

Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Yesterday can carry emotions that belonged to then, but sometimes they show up in the present. Some of them once helped us survive what we could not change. Today, those same emotions may only create confusion and hold us back.
It is exactly when they appear in the present moment that we get the chance to work with them, to release old strategies and give space to the life we want tomorrow.
The present always matters, even in our emotions.

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Read this post in Swedish:
Jag skriver för att ingen ska vara ensam i sina känslor

A Writing Journey – When I Dare, We Dare Together

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 3 november 2025

i bloggutveckling-skrivande

A writing journey began as a way to understand myself, but it has become a way to meet others.
When I dare to share my words, someone else might dare to share theirs.
Courage grows when we share it.

Läs det här på svenska ->Skrivarresa – När jag vågar blir vi fler

Every little bar – the beginning of my writing journey

I have been writing for a long time. To understand.
Sometimes to cope.
To land in myself when the world around me moves too fast or too big.

In the beginning, I didn’t really care who might stop by.
I mostly saw the numbers — one view, then two, sometimes more.
But numbers are quiet.
They don’t tell you that someone actually sat there reading
and maybe felt something.

It took time before I understood that behind every tiny bar in my stats
there was a person.
Someone with a day, a feeling, a thought — who paused right here.
Maybe they even read another post.
And then I began to think that maybe my words meant something to someone else,
the way someone else’s words sometimes mean something to me.

This writing journey has carried me through days of doubt and days of courage,
and everything in between.

writing journey — writing at my kitchen table where my words can land

Everyday moments – where the writing journey continues

My writing journey started in the small and ordinary moments,
where life often hides what matters most.

I’ve written about everyday life and those tiny moments we hardly notice
as they happen — but that turn out to be important
when we stop and write them down.

I’ve written about children who need to be understood,
about adults trying to manage,
about love and chaos in the same breath.
And slowly, that opened doors — in me and in the words.

Dare to feel – dare to write

The strange thing is, I never thought:
Now I’m going to become a better writer.

But when I look back, I see that I have grown.
Not because I tried to be good,
but because I dared a little more.

Dared to express what hurts.
Dared to describe what is beautiful.
Dared to let someone read before fear arrived.

The world stops by – and the writing journey grows

And suddenly the world stopped by.
A view from Denmark.
Someone in the United States.
A reader from Ireland.

Someone who took the time to be here in my words.
It still surprises me —
that something I wrote in a quiet moment
can land far away, in another rhythm, another life.

It is beautiful.
And it makes me brave in a way I can’t fully explain.

A place where courage belongs

Perhaps courage isn’t found in big gestures.
But in opening a small part of ourselves
and letting someone look in — just a little.

That is what I want this blog to be.
A place where we can dare a little together.

If I dare to be me,
maybe you can dare to be you.

If you ever feel like sharing something back… please do.
A sentence, a word, a thought.
It might mean more than you think —
for both of us.

Yesterday rests in history.
Tomorrow waits further ahead.
But right now — this is where life happens.
And I am grateful you are here in my “right now.”

My writing journey continues with every word I dare to share
and every word you might recognize yourself in.

AHA – between you and me

When we share the small things in our lives,
they stop being small.

They grow
because someone sees,
and someone recognizes themselves.

Maybe that is where
community lives.

Between the lines – my voice

I’m not finished.
None of us are.

So let’s continue anyway.
One line at a time.
Together.

A question for you, dear reader

What makes your life a little bigger today?
Feel free to leave a few words in the comments.
You and your thoughts are welcome here.

Closing

Yesterday rests in history.
Tomorrow waits somewhere ahead.
But right now — this is where life happens.

And at the very same time,
it is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Related Posts (Internal Links)
Children Should Be Allowed to Be Children
https://malix.se/2024/09/25/barn-ska-fa-vara-barn/

Children Do Well If They Can – pain, shame & responsibility
https://malix.se/2024/10/01/barn-gor-nar-dom-kan-bemotande-smarta-skam-och-ansar/

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INFJ Florence Nightingale Personality – My Path of Empathy and Therapeutic Counseling

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 2 november 2025

i Utbildning & samtalsterapi

This post is about the INFJ Florence Nightingale Personality and how this type shows up in real life.

I am an INFJ – the Florence Nightingale type – and this is the story of how empathy, curiosity about the human mind, cold morning swims, and a lifelong calling led me to become a future therapeutic counselor.

Read this post in Swedish INFJ Florence Nightingale-typen

What Is a Jungian Personality Type?

When my work team took a Jungian personality assessment years ago, the purpose was simple: to understand how our differences made us stronger together.

The theory behind the test comes from Carl Gustav Jung, who once worked closely with Sigmund Freud.
Freud looked backward — into trauma, the unconscious, and what has hurt us.
Jung looked forward — into meaning, potential, and who we can become.

https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality
https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-jung.html

Jung’s model is built on four core preferences:

Dimension	Options	My Type
Energy	Introversion / Extraversion	I
Information	Intuition / Sensing	N
Decisions	Feeling / Thinking	F
Structure	Judging / Perceiving	J

My result was INFJ, often called The Advocate — or the Florence Nightingale personality.

It was not a surprise.
But it gave me a moment of understanding:
“Perhaps this is how others see me.”
And there was something comforting in that.

INFJ Florence Nightingale personality focused on empathy and care

An INFJ in Real Life

Seeing the Human Beyond the Behavior

I have always been more interested in the inside of people than the outside.
Where thoughts live.
What keeps a soul standing.
What makes someone continue even when life hurts.

I have read psychology the way others read novels — seeking to understand what shapes us.

Very early in my life, my grandmother noticed it.
She taught me that every person carries gifts, even when the surface looks broken.
She always saw talent — never flaws.
And that has followed me into every meeting with another human being.

I still take morning swims — a ritual I inherited from her.
She swam in the sea, I swim in the lake.
Different waters — but the same feeling of freedom and life.

Following an Inner Compass

No matter how my workplace changed, I always worked with people.

My aunt cared for children who needed a home.
I looked up to her.
She made a difference — while the difference was still possible.
I believe the first seed of my path was planted right there.

At 24, I began working at SiS, with young people placed outside society.
That is where I discovered that conversation is my most powerful tool.
Not rules. Not threats.
But a chair, two people, and the courage to speak the truth.

Later, I worked within LSS, where safety and respect allowed people to blossom — from the inside out.

Then came the years with unaccompanied minors — trauma and hope in the same heartbeat.
One day relief.
The next day fear of being pushed into the unknown again.

Eventually, I returned to SiS.
A full circle.
So many wounded spirits, shaped by exclusion and harsh words — and still a spark of belief remained.
One day. Maybe.

When Life Knocks — Once More

The question came:
“Can you take one more child?”

My heart answered before my mind.
One more.
One last time.

I resigned from my job as a treatment pedagogue to be where I was needed the most: here at home.

Not as a job.
But as a way of living.

We Make Room Together

A Place to Land

This is not just my journey.
My family carries with me.
We make room — in our home, and in our hearts.

Here, you are allowed to arrive.
To find pieces of yourself again.
To grow in safety.
To believe again.

Consequences Are Not Punishment

Life Is a Better Teacher

Here at home, reality guides:

If you sleep too little — you get tired.
If you do not eat — you get hungry.
If you neglect relationships — they change.

Punishment is about power.
Consequences are about life.
And life teaches better than threats ever will.

A Step Further — The Power of Conversation

I am now studying to become a Certified Therapeutic Counselor.
I am putting words and methods to what I have already lived: meeting people where they are.

I am learning:

CBT
MI
ART
Low arousal approaches
Positive psychology and Flow
CFT
Mindfulness

But everything comes down to one thing:
The human connection.

When Methods Live in the Body

Low arousal has always been my way of responding.
To stay calm when someone else has lost theirs.
Because emotions spread — so mine must be safe.

Motivational Interviewing has been my language.
Seeing what is possible, even in chaos.

I have worked creatively with ART:
What hides behind anger?
What did you really want to say — before it came out wrong?

Morning cold water swim for mindfulness and coherence as an INFJ

And mindfulness — a way of living, here and now.
Most clearly felt in the cold water during morning swims.
A moment where my body, breath and soul are one.
Where my sense of coherence returns:
I am here.
I can do this.
I belong.

What Does a Therapeutic Counselor Do?

A therapeutic counselor

listens without judging
helps someone find their own answers
provides tools that work in real life
carries hope when needed

To understand before we change.
That is where Jung and my compass meet.

The Future

Free Training Sessions

Right now, I offer free practice sessions as part of my training.
Together we explore:

Who is steering your ship?
Is the map still yours?
Does your compass point where you want to go?

You are welcome to contact me:
carina@malix.se

Why This Path for an INFJ — The Florence Nightingale Type?

Because I have always followed the human being.
Because I believe in potential.
Because my compass has never pointed anywhere else.

What I have always been
will now become what I do.

As an INFJ Florence Nightingale Personality, I have always believed in human potential.

Yesterday has already settled into history.
Tomorrow waits somewhere ahead.
But right now — this is where life happens.

blog statistics malix.se reflected in a calm lake view on an autumn day in Dalsland, where words continue to wander

Talk Therapy in Sweden – When Darkness Comes with Its Light

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 26 oktober 2025

i Personlig utveckling & tankar, Reflektion & självläkning, Utbildning & samtalsterapi

In pace with the darkness settling over autumn

As the darkness settles over autumn, I find stillness in the soft mornings.
It is also now that I want to invite you to talk therapy in Sweden – an opportunity to meet yourself with warmth, respect, and presence.
In our conversations, you will have time to pause, feel, and let your words become a light in the dark.

Read this post in Swedish →Samtalsterapi i Sverige – när mörkret kommer med sitt ljus

When Darkness Comes with Its Light

Morning again. Wintertime is here, and we’ve returned to our ordinary rhythm.
It will be lighter in the mornings, but the afternoons will darken earlier.
Welcome, little winter, and your quiet season of darkness.

You are here again, surrounding us in your calm shadows – where we light candles, not to curse the dark, but to soften it.
Or do we?

I light candles because they make me feel softer.
Because the little girl inside me enjoys watching the flickering beams.
I don’t think I’ve ever cursed the dark; it’s nothing I can control – it simply is.
Every moment holds its own beauty, and even darkness carries rest, a pause from everything that dazzles.

Candlelight in the dark – a symbol of inner warmth, reflection, and talk therapy in Sweden.

A light in the dark. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to meet yourself – with stillness and warmth.

Soon, we’ll move closer to the light again.
In just a couple of months, I’ll be sowing my seeds and planning the greenhouse once more.
By then, we’ll have celebrated Lucia, birthdays, Christmas, and New Year’s.

No, I don’t curse the darkness. I live with it.
I feel how the moments grow softer, how the warmth of the house feels more tangible.
The contrasts to summer are simply that – contrasts – and they are meant to be lived.

The words wanted to go there, though it wasn’t what I planned to write about.
They just arrived, as they often do when the heart leads the way.

Talk Therapy in Sweden – Looking for Clients

In the middle of this dark and quiet time, I want to invite you to something that also has to do with light.
I am currently training to become a certified talk therapist and am now looking for practice clients.

Sessions are free of charge during my education period and are primarily held via Teams, but phone sessions are also possible.
This offer applies to those who live in Sweden or speak Swedish – so that we can truly understand one another.

This is an opportunity to speak, in peace and safety, about what matters to you – stress, relationships, grief, life choices, or simply a longing for change.

What I Offer in Talk Therapy in Sweden

Talk therapy in Sweden gives you the chance to see new perspectives and meet yourself more deeply.
I offer personally tailored sessions based on your life situation, your emotions, and what you wish to explore.
I listen without judgment and without ready-made solutions – but with presence, warmth, and respect.
Through our conversations, you can begin to understand yourself more clearly and find your own way forward.

Entering talk therapy can be a beautiful investment in yourself – an opportunity to meet yourself gently, at your own pace.
It gives you space to land, to grow, and to reconnect with your own center.

I work with several therapeutic approaches that I have used throughout my career and am now deepening through my education:
a client-centered approach built on respect, trust, and genuine listening, where every meeting takes its own shape.

Motivational Interviewing (MI) – strengthening your own motivation for change
Cognitive Behavioral-inspired methods (CBT) – understanding the links between thoughts, feelings, and behavior
Low-Affective Approach – creating calm and safety in communication
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion – finding peace in the moment and becoming a friend to yourself

Why Talk Therapy in Sweden with Me

I have spent many years working with people in difficult life situations and with young individuals who have struggled to find their way.
I know how important it is to be seen – not for what you do, but for who you are.

I don’t claim to always listen perfectly, but I always strive to listen deeply.
For me, it’s not about giving advice but about giving space.
It’s about daring to stay with what feels difficult without rushing toward a solution.
When I listen, I try to understand – not to respond, but so that you can truly be heard.

I believe in the power of conversation – that it can heal, change, and offer new hope.

Would You Like to Be My Practice Client?

You are warmly welcome to reach out via email: carina@malix.se
Sessions are scheduled individually and are held in confidence.

A Thought for Nature

When we grow on the inside, it can feel meaningful to let something grow outside too.
That’s why today I encourage you to support Vi Agroforestry (Vi-skogen) – an organization that plants trees and strengthens both the climate and people’s livelihoods.
Together, we can help create more greenery, oxygen, and hope for the future.

Learn more or donate here: https://viskogen.se

Misty morning by the lake with still water and distant trees – nature’s calm and reflection, connected to Vi Agroforestry and talk therapy in Sweden.

Nature reminds us of the connection between growth, stillness, and care. When we let something grow out there, something grows within us too.

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Between the Lines

In darkness, I often find the quiet, the raw, and the honest.
It’s there I realize how much light truly lives in the conversation, in the meeting, in the presence.
To face yourself isn’t always easy – but that’s where growth begins.

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Yesterday has already settled into history.
Tomorrow waits somewhere ahead.
But right now – this is where life happens.

vinterbad Ragnerudssjön — Carina Ikonen Nilsson

AHA – Between the Lines

As I write about darkness and light, I realize it’s the same as in talk therapy.
It’s about daring to stay with what is, without rushing toward something new.
That’s where the light truly lives – not beyond the dark, but within it.

Reflection

Just like in talk therapy in Sweden, understanding grows in the silence between words.
When someone truly listens, something within us begins to breathe more freely.
It’s in those moments that I’m reminded why I do what I do.

A Question for You

How do you meet yourself in the darker season – do you flee from it, or do you let it show you something new?

Frequently Asked Questions about Talk Therapy

What does it cost to be a practice client?
The sessions are completely free during my training period.

How are the sessions conducted?
Sessions within talk therapy in Sweden take place via Teams or by phone. You decide what you want to talk about, and the space is calm and safe.

How long does a session last?
Each session lasts about 50 minutes. Together, we plan how many sessions feel right for you.

Who can participate?
The offer is open to those who live in Sweden or speak Swedish – so that we can truly understand each other.

Do I need to have a specific problem to book?
No. Conversations can also be a way to get to know yourself, reflect on life, or discover new perspectives.

Between the Lines – My Voice

In the stillness of conversation and reflection, growth begins.
Light doesn’t come after darkness – it appears within it.

A full moon in a clear blue sky – a symbol of leaving the victim role behind and letting the past rest while the light guides the way forward.

Leaving the Victim Role – Choosing Freedom and Presence

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 18 oktober 2025

i Malix – personligt & bloggen, Morgon & tacksamhet, Reflektion & självläkning, Utbildning & samtalsterapi

Leaving the victim role isn’t about denying what happened – it’s about understanding that the past doesn’t have to shape the future.
In this post, I reflect on how we can let go of what once was, meet our inner child with warmth, and choose thoughts that open the way to freedom, gratitude, and life in the present moment.

The moon reminds me that everything changes – the past can rest while new light takes form.

Read this post in Swedish →Lämna offerrollen – när historien får vila och jag väljer att leva nu

Morning, coffee, and a new beginning

My coffee stands beside me. The cat has gone out for her morning walk, and the silence inside feels calm and safe.
It’s one of those quiet mornings when something inside you has shifted, even though the world outside looks the same.

Yesterday… yes, everything that was yesterday, last week, last year, or even when I was little – all of that belongs to history now.
It’s already happened. I can’t change it, undo it, or polish away what still aches.

I’ve written before about how thoughts influence emotions in my post Living with Positive Psychology. It’s about consciously choosing where to place your focus – just like I do here.

When the past whispers – and how hard it can be to leave the victim role

I’ve spent many hours, maybe years, thinking about what happened back then.
Some memories hurt deeply; others carried guilt or shame.
When I thought about them, I got stuck in the same loop – same thoughts, same feelings, same pain.

It was like wearing an old cardigan – cold, itchy, and faintly smelling of something forgotten.
Still, I kept it on because it was familiar.
I thought, “I feel this way because that happened.”

A knitted cardigan hanging in soft morning light – a symbol of leaving the victim role behind and choosing warmth, self-love and a new way of living. — The old cardigan still hangs there, but the morning light reminds me – I can choose something new.

And so, I held on.
The cardigan became part of me.
The victim role too.

The victim role is like a quiet thief.
It steals joy, piece by piece.
It whispers that you can’t, that you’re stuck, that you’re helpless.
And it makes you believe someone else must save you.

But that old cardigan can feel kind of cozy too, can’t it?
It smells familiar, feels safe – almost soft against the skin.
There’s comfort in the known, like an old map we’ve memorized by heart.
But that map doesn’t lead anywhere anymore.
It takes us back to the same place, again and again.

And I want to move forward now.

Question for you:
Have you ever noticed yourself holding on to a thought that only hurts you?
Which “cardigan” do you keep wearing, even though you no longer need it?

The cardigan becomes a symbol for all the things we carry – what once felt safe but now holds us back.
Leaving the victim role begins right there, in the awareness that what feels safe isn’t always what helps us grow.

When I started listening to myself

One day, I grew tired of feeling cold in that old cardigan.
That was the day I met the curious Carina within me – the part of me that wants to understand, grow, take responsibility, and feel well.

I realized the past didn’t have to be my prison anymore.
It could become my teacher.

What hurts today often resembles what once hurt before.
Those are my triggers – small messages from the body whispering:
“Here lies something you haven’t yet healed.”

Each time I pause, breathe, and stay with what I feel instead of hiding from it, something quiet happens.
I grow.

Meeting the child within

I’ve realized I must give that little girl inside me what she never received.
The one who was scared, sad, unseen – she doesn’t have to wait for someone else to comfort her anymore.

I can place her on my lap, hold her close, and say:

“It wasn’t your fault.
You were worthy of love, warmth, and safety.
You were worthy of being loved – exactly as you are.”

When I’ve done that enough times, I can finally lay down the cardigan.

Question for you:
Can you see your own inner child?
What would you want to tell them – if you could speak today?

I write more about this in to heal you self.

Choosing a new sweater – and a new way of thinking

I’m trading that old cardigan for a soft wool sweater – one that warms instead of weighing me down.
The difference is, this sweater is one I’ve chosen myself.

It’s woven from awareness, responsibility, and gratitude.
From thoughts that strengthen rather than sting.

I can’t change what was, but I can change how I relate to it.
When old thoughts appear, I ask myself:
“Does this thought serve me right now?”

If the answer is no – I change it.
I choose a thought that brings warmth instead of cold.

Question for you:
Which thought would you like to start choosing more often?
One that makes you lighter, calmer – or simply more present right now?

Choosing to leave the victim role and live freely

Today, I choose happiness – not because everything is easy, but because I know I can.
I choose gratitude. I choose to meet myself with gentleness.

I no longer have to feel bad just because something once hurt.
Because now I know I have the right to feel good – despite it all.

When I decided to leave the victim role behind, life slowly began to feel lighter.

Right now, I sit here with coffee in hand and peace in my body.
I feel like my own best friend.

And that – that is freedom.

Reflection – Leaving the victim role in your own story

This is a text about outgrowing your history.
About no longer wearing the cardigan of the victim role, but instead choosing the sweater that truly warms.
To understand that it’s not what happened, but how we think about it, that shapes our day.

If you enjoy this kind of writing, you might also like Good Morning – What Do You Think About the New Layout?, where I write about how silence can teach us something about ourselves.

From my therapist training – a reflection

In my studies to become a certified counselor, I’m learning how thoughts, emotions, and bodily memories are intertwined.
When I write about leaving the victim role, it also mirrors what we practice in therapy – helping ourselves and others take responsibility for feelings, recognize triggers, and choose new ways of thinking.
Writing becomes my own conversation – a way to listen to myself and grow.

This text is about the courage to leave the victim role behind and embrace the possibility of living fully, here and now.

Between the Lines – What the Text Reveals

This is a text about the courage to see yourself without running away.
About daring to let go of what once felt safe, but now keeps you from moving forward.
It tells of how healing begins in something as quiet as a thought being replaced, a feeling being allowed to breathe, a choice made right here and now.

Between the lines, it is also about me – a woman who no longer carries her history as a burden, but as wisdom.
I have learned to leave the victim role without denying the pain.
To see it as a teacher, not a judge.
And it is in that stillness – between the coffee, the words, and the breath – that life truly happens.

“Yesterday’s cardigan might still hang there, breathing history – but it’s airing in today’s light and can change into the future.
Maybe it will be unraveled and knitted again, in today’s colors and feelings.”
— Carina Ikonen Nilsson

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Person wrapped in a towel sitting on a bench by a quiet lake on a frosty morning after a cold swim, calm air and still reflections in the water.

Living with Positive Psychology – as I See It

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 13 oktober 2025

i Personlig utveckling & tankar, Reflektion & självläkning

Living with positive psychology in everyday life is not about always being happy or pretending that everything is easy. It’s about seeing life with open eyes, meeting challenges with awareness, and choosing to focus on what truly works. Positive psychology in everyday life helps us create meaning, cultivate gratitude, and grow through both the small and the big moments of life.

Read this post in Swedish. ->Att leva med positiv psykologi – som jag ser det

What Positive Psychology Means to Me

Positive psychology isn’t about forcing happiness. For me, it’s a way of living – being present, taking responsibility for my thoughts and emotions, and understanding that life always holds both light and shadow. I may not control what happens, but I can choose how I relate to it.

By practising seeing what works and accepting what hurts, I create balance. It’s not about avoiding difficulties; it’s about finding strength through them.

PERMA – Five Elements of Well-Being

In positive psychology, there’s a concept called the PERMA model, describing five parts of well-being. I think of them as gentle reminders of what helps me feel grounded and alive.

Positive Emotions

Feeling joy and gratitude in daily life matters. It can be as simple as the smell of morning coffee, the stillness of a quiet house, or the way light finds its way through the curtains.

Engagement

When I write, paint, or swim in the lake, time disappears. I become part of the moment, completely absorbed in what I’m doing. That’s where engagement begins – in full presence.

Relationships

Relationships bring meaning to life. Meeting others with honesty, respect, and attentiveness builds trust. Real connection happens when we dare to show who we truly are.

Meaning

Meaning, to me, is living in the direction of what feels important. I find it when I can contribute, write, or connect with others in ways that feel genuine and true.

Accomplishment – to Achieve

Success doesn’t always mean doing something big. For me, it’s the quiet satisfaction of finishing what I’ve started – completing a piece of writing, a course task, or simply keeping up my morning routines. Small steps strengthen my confidence.

Not everything I begin gets finished, but when I do overcome the obstacles and reach the goal, the victory feels even greater. There’s a certain magic in completing something that once felt hard. The journey gives depth to the result, and that’s when I truly feel that I’ve succeeded – not because it’s perfect, but because I stayed with it until the end.

Gratitude and Presence in Everyday Life

Each morning begins with gratitude. I remind myself that I’ve been given a new day, that I get to drink my coffee in peace, and that I’m alive. Focusing on the small things creates a gentle foundation for the day ahead.

This morning, frost covered the ground and the grass crunched under my feet as I walked toward the lake. The air was sharp, and the water felt like glass against my skin. Yet there’s something in that cold that wakes the body completely.
When I step out of the water, the chill of the air meets me with a rush of pure life – the body tingles, awake and vibrant, as if every cell is singing. It’s a kind of addiction, the good kind, one that adds clarity, strength and joy to my days.

When I swim, no matter the season, the world slows down. The cold demands presence, the breath deepens, and silence takes over. It’s my own form of mindfulness, simple and real.

Living with positive psychology in everyday life is about choosing kindness in thought – meeting myself with compassion, even when things don’t go as planned.

Practising Every Day

I try to replace self-criticism with curiosity. When something doesn’t go as expected, I ask what it’s here to teach me.
Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t – but every attempt strengthens my ability to stay grounded in myself.

Growth isn’t about being strong all the time. It’s about getting back up, forgiving myself, and continuing with trust.

Choosing My Thoughts

Positive psychology in everyday life isn’t a shortcut to happiness. It’s about awareness.
Choosing my thoughts means taking responsibility for my inner climate. I can’t control everything that happens, but I can influence how I respond.
Each time I notice something good, each time I thank life for what I have, I slowly build inner peace.

Final Words

For me, positive psychology is like building muscles in the soul.
Every time I choose a thought that lifts instead of weighs me down, strength grows from within.
Small choices. Small steps.
And in the end – a path to walk.

Question for You

How do you invite gratitude, meaning and calm into your everyday life?

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You’ll get each new story, reflection, and update the moment it’s published.

What we did yesterday leaves traces in today.
We harvest what we sow.
It reminds me that every moment counts – even the smallest ones.
Yesterday rests in history, tomorrow waits ahead,
but right here, where we stand, are the breaths, the conversations, and life itself. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Lake landscape representing Carina’s healing journey while blogging in two languages about life, trauma, and emotional growth.

When Words Find Their Echo – Kay Pollak and My Blog Journey

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 4 oktober 2025

i Kay Pollak - att välja glädje, Malix – personligt & bloggen, Morgon & tacksamhet, Reflektion & självläkning, Vardag & familjeliv

Sometimes, something small can make the whole day shine.
Yesterday, when I opened LinkedIn, I saw that Kay Pollak had liked my post — the one where I wrote about blog statistics and how numbers really tell stories about meetings between words and people.

Read this post in Swedish. ->När orden får gensvar – om möten, statistik och Kay Pollak

For a moment, I paused.
Not because a “like” is such a big thing, but because it came from someone whose words have followed me for years.
Someone who has reminded me that we choose our own thoughts, our perspectives, and our reactions.
He’s the voice in my head that keeps whispering that my happiness is my own responsibility — and that I create it by choosing thoughts that give me more joy.

When Numbers Become Stories

I’ve watched my blog’s statistics grow week by week. But when I look at the numbers now, I no longer see numbers.
I see encounters — small digital footprints of people who paused for a moment in my everyday life.
Maybe someone smiled. Maybe someone recognized themselves.

That’s what makes writing alive — when words land, awaken something, and become part of someone else’s thoughts.

And yesterday, when Kay Pollak pressed “like,” it became a symbol of exactly that.
A small confirmation that what I write truly reflects his message: that our thoughts create our world.

To Keep Choosing Joy

That small moment reminded me why I write.
Not for numbers, not for statistics — but for the conversation between the lines.
To share something genuine.
To create quiet meetings between people, even in the noise of the digital world.

So thank you, Kay. And thank you to everyone who reads.
You remind me that words have power — and that it’s always worth choosing joy, even in the smallest of ways.

On the Bridge Toward Stillness

I walk out on the wooden bridge toward the calm water — a moment of reflection and the meeting between words and silence.

A wooden pier stretching out into a softly waving sea – a moment of reflection, calm, and the meeting between words and silence.

About Kay Pollak’s Workshop – and My Own Choice

I know that Kay Pollak is currently holding a weekend workshop — one I’ve been thinking for a long time about joining.
It would have been exciting, to meet myself deeply in that space, where both words and silence speak equally strong.

But not this time.
Instead, I chose to invest in my training to become a conversation therapist, a decision I made just a few days ago.
Kay’s workshop was tempting, but it’s an expensive course, and right now my finances don’t allow for another investment.

Or perhaps it’s me who doesn’t allow it — because I’ve already chosen to put my resources into another kind of journey, one that’s also about understanding, meeting, and growing.

It feels a bit double. A part of me would have loved to sit there, in the middle of his workshop, listening and reflecting.
At the same time, I know that the path I’ve chosen now is mine — and that it too leads to a meeting with myself.
Maybe there will be more chances, maybe not. Kay is getting older, and I feel an ambivalence knowing I might miss the opportunity.
But for now, this is how life looks, and I choose to feel gratitude for what I do have the chance to do.
Still, it would have been such a beautiful thing to attend a workshop with Kay Pollak.

Reflection

Sometimes we don’t need grand gestures.
Sometimes, a single little click — a like — is enough to awaken something big inside.
It’s not about validation, but about recognition.
About understanding that what we send out into the world actually lands somewhere.
And it also reminds me that I carry a great responsibility for what I send out.

Question for You

When was the last time you had one of those small moments of joy — one that meant more than you first thought?

AHA – The Insight

It doesn’t take much to create meaning.
A single “like” can become a little lantern in the dark — a reminder that what we share truly reaches someone.
Maybe that’s how life works: we plant tiny seeds of words, thoughts, and warmth — and sometimes, when we least expect it, something blooms.

Between the Lines

Behind numbers, statistics, and blogs, there’s always a person who longs to be understood.
I don’t write to be seen, but to share something true.
And when someone — like Kay Pollak — sees that, it becomes a quiet “I understand.”
Right there, in that moment of recognition, something big happens.

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Closing Words

Yesterday has already settled down in history, and tomorrow waits further ahead.
But right now — this is where life happens.
— Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Kay Pollak Choose Happiness – Words That Have Become Vital in My Life

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 19 september 2025

i Reflektion & självläkning, Vardag & familjeliv

Kay Pollak choose happiness – two words that have become important in my life.
Here I share how his ideas on personal responsibility help me in everyday life: from messy breakfast mornings to the deeper pain of distance from my son and grandchildren. It’s a story about pausing, choosing your response, and creating your own joy.

Read this post in Swedish ->Kay Pollak välja lycka – när hans ord flyttar in i mig

At home we have paused our Storytel subscription for a while, which means I now listen to podcasts instead. Podcasts don’t paint long, poetic pictures like a book, but they give me something else – other people’s words and experiences. And sometimes that is exactly what I need.

Yesterday I chose my all-time favorite. I’ll write his name even though my husband might shake his head if he happened to read this: Kay Pollak. His voice has followed me for many years, and my husband has heard plenty of quotes from him.

Who Is Kay Pollak?

For those who don’t know: Kay Pollak is a Swedish author, lecturer and film director.
He is known for his thoughts on self-leadership, joy and inner freedom, expressed in books like Att välja glädje (Choose Joy) and Att växa genom möten (To Grow Through Encounters). He also directed the internationally acclaimed film As It Is in Heaven.

In his talks and books, he returns again and again to the same core insight:

We cannot decide what happens to us – but we can choose how we react.

It sounds simple. But for me, it has been life-changing.

Kay Pollak Choose Happiness in Everyday Life

When I first started listening to Kay Pollak, I learned to pause in the moment.

Sun rays breaking through dark clouds – symbol of Kay Pollak choose happiness and taking responsibility in life’s challenges.

Take a normal morning: I come home from work and find the kitchen counter full of crumbs, a butter pack left out. I used to get furious and take it personally – as if I were just the cleaning lady in my own home.

But when I let Kay Pollak’s words settle in, I could stop and think:
They must have had a stressful morning. How wonderful that the kids still had time for breakfast.
Maybe my husband was simply exhausted last night.

And you know what? It was so much easier to feel happy on the mornings when I thought kinder thoughts.

The same with my daughter on those days when she woke up in a storm and pressed every trigger I had. In the past I would react immediately. But when I saw the tiredness behind her frustration, I could choose another way to respond – exactly what she needed: a mother who looked beyond the behavior.

The Greatest Test – My Son and Grandchildren

This insight reaches far beyond morning routines.
The distance from my adult son hurts. I miss my grandchildren. Sometimes part of me wants to put blame somewhere. But deep down I know I never want to give him guilt. I want to love him – and I do. I wish him every happiness, even if I’m not part of his children’s lives.

I cannot control his choices. I can only choose my own attitude.
Choose to live.
Choose to be happy – even with longing in my heart.

Happiness as an Active Choice

It may sound unusual, but I truly believe I can choose whether to be happy or unhappy. Happiness is not just a feeling that happens to us. It is a choice I make again and again, in big and small things.

I can fill my life with what gives meaning – writing, painting, morning swims, and the community of those who are here.
That is my responsibility.

I cannot take responsibility for other people’s reactions,
but I can take responsibility for how I relate to them.

Questions for You

How do you think about choosing happiness in your own life?
Have you experienced how a different response completely changed a tough situation?
Is there someone whose words have moved into your life the way Kay Pollak’s words have into mine?

Feel free to share in the comments – your words might spark new thoughts for someone else.

Between the Lines – My Voice

Behind these words lies a quiet gratitude. I see how my patterns have been shaped by both inheritance and choice – and how freedom can begin in a single thought.
Taking responsibility for your own life is not about carrying everything alone, but about choosing how to meet what happens.

Reflection

In every choice of thought there is a small freedom. To pause, to breathe before the word or reaction comes, can change an entire day. This is not denying grief but carrying it with gentler hands. Kay Pollak’s words remind me that life can indeed feel lighter when I choose a softer response.

AHA – Between the Lines

Happiness is not something someone else can give. It is my own creation – in dishes left on the counter, in children who sometimes push away, in the deep longing for those I love. I can grieve and still choose joy. In that tension between pain and the will to live, freedom arises.

Yesterday has already laid itself to rest in history, and tomorrow waits somewhere ahead. But right now – this is where life happens.
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson

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FAQ – About Kay Pollak and Choosing Happiness

What does Kay Pollak mean by “choose happiness”?
He teaches that while we cannot control what happens, we can choose our response. By pausing and seeing situations differently, we can create more joy.

How have you applied his thoughts?
By pausing in everyday moments – like facing a messy kitchen or a child’s bad morning mood – and choosing a calmer response that leads to peace instead of conflict.

Can you really choose happiness when life hurts?
Yes. It doesn’t mean pain disappears. It means acknowledging grief without getting stuck. I carry the sorrow of distance from my son, but I choose to live and find joy.

Where can I learn more about Kay Pollak?
Check out his books such as Choose Joy (Att välja glädje) and To Grow Through Encounters (Att växa genom möten), available in bookstores, audiobooks and podcasts.
You can also visit Kay Pollak’s official website for more inspiration.