The Oskar Series – Meeting Children with Neurodevelopmental Differences in School In the Oskar Series, you’ll step into school life through the eyes of a child with NDDs – autism and ADHD. These posts blend reflections, real-life examples and thoughts on how we can create schools where every child is allowed to thrive, rather than being forced into a mold.
Welcome to the Oskar Series. Here, you will meet Oskar – a boy whose everyday school life reveals both the strengths and the challenges that can come with neurodevelopmental differences such as autism and ADHD.
This series blends personal reflections, concrete examples, and thoughts on how we can create school environments where every child has the chance to thrive.
One of my own pencil drawings is included here. To me, it symbolizes how a child might sometimes withdraw when the world becomes too overwhelming. In the Oskar Series, I want to show that behind every silence, there is a story we need to hear – and take seriously.
En av mina egna blyertsteckningar – för mig symboliserar den hur ett barn kan dra sig undan när världen blir för mycket. I Oskar-serien vill jag visa att bakom varje tystnad finns en berättelse vi behöver lyssna på
Bring a warm cup of your favourite drink and keep me company over the next few days as I write about the topic of autism. Let’s move forward – with understanding, curiosity, and respect for all the children and young people who don’t quite fit into the mould that society so often tries to press them into. Their value and unique way of being don’t disappear because they don’t fit a ready-made form – in fact, that’s exactly where their strength lies.
Why the Oskar Series?
Children like Oskar often carry remarkable strengths – attention to detail, honesty, perseverance, deep special interests, and a unique ability to think outside the box. At the same time, there are also challenges, and it is important to understand them:
Sensory Sensitivity
Sounds, lights, smells, and touch can all become overwhelming. It can even come down to the difference between spaghetti and macaroni. You might not see that difference, but someone with autism knows exactly.
It can be about shape, texture, how it feels in the mouth, or even how it behaves when you chew.
Selective eating is also common and can vary, but it often means sticking to a small number of foods that feel safe and work from a sensory perspective. This isn’t about being picky – certain tastes, textures, or temperatures can actually feel unpleasant, sometimes even unbearable.
Social Interaction
It can be harder to interpret body language, small talk, and all those unwritten rules most people take for granted. For someone with autism, every situation is new. Yesterday is not the same as today – even if it might seem that way to you.
What worked yesterday might feel completely unfamiliar today, depending on how the day began, how much energy they have, and how many sensory impressions have already filled their mind.
Humor can also be a challenge. When a classmate makes a joke, the child with autism might not automatically laugh. Understanding jokes and irony is often something that needs to be learned – like a language within a language.
And when the child tells a funny story themselves, it might sometimes be borrowed from a comedian, where the audience laughed loudly. That’s how the child learned that here, at this pause, is when you’re “supposed” to laugh.
This isn’t about a lack of humor – it’s about the fact that humor, like body language and social codes, doesn’t always come naturally. It often needs to be built step by step, just like learning to read or ride a bike.
Need for Routines
Changes can create worry or stress. Routines act as small anchors of safety in everyday life, helping to bring order to a world that can otherwise feel unpredictable.
If you’ve said there are five math problems to solve before break, then it’s exactly five math problems – no more, no less. Once they’re done, it’s break time, full stop. The fact that there are still five minutes left in the lesson doesn’t matter. In the child’s mind, the rule is clear and doesn’t change.
Or take another example: if teeth are always brushed after breakfast, but today there’s no time for breakfast – then brushing teeth might feel completely wrong. In the child’s logic, the two actions belong together. No breakfast = no toothbrushing.
To others, this might seem unimportant, but for the child it’s a break in the order that provides safety. It’s not stubbornness for the sake of being stubborn – it’s a way of keeping the world understandable and manageable.
Varying Day-to-Day Energy
Energy levels can shift from day to day, and sometimes even from hour to hour. What drains that energy can be completely different – and I want to write this in big letters because it matters: DIFFERENT for everyone.
One thing that’s fairly common, though, is that children with autism may have difficulty sleeping. And perhaps that’s the only similarity in this section – because otherwise, everything is highly individual.
Energy can drain away like sand through an hourglass, sometimes after what you might think is just a small effort. It might be enough just to get up and get dressed – and then the energy is already gone.
For the child, it’s not just a matter of “getting going again.” It’s as if the battery is already drained and needs recharging, sometimes for a long time.
Misunderstandings
Adults can sometimes judge the child based on a “template” instead of meeting them for who they truly are.
By “template,” I mean the expectations and mental images we carry about how a child “should” function, develop, and react – based on our experiences with other children. That invisible frame we compare to, often without even realising it.
We humans gather experiences and use them to interpret the next situation. Sometimes this is helpful – but with children who have autism, it can be completely wrong. The template doesn’t take into account that every child is unique, with their own mix of strengths, challenges, interests, and needs.
I remember sitting in a school meeting once. The teacher said: “We’ve had many students with autism in this school who have done well. It’s just your child who…”
The sentence stopped there – but I heard the rest anyway. The words already spoken told the whole story.
That’s the template right there – looking at my child through the lens of other people’s achievements instead of asking: What does your child need to feel good and succeed here?
Differences from ADHD
Energy levels and the need for variation can look completely different, even though some challenges overlap.
A person with autism will often appreciate – and sometimes need – clear step-by-step instructions: 1, 2, 3 – and will follow them to the letter. This can be a strength, offering structure and a sense of safety.
A person with ADHD, on the other hand, might be satisfied with just hearing the summary or the “headline,” getting the idea of the task, and then rushing off to do it – often with more spontaneity, but also with a greater risk of missing details along the way.
We’ve seen this difference many times at home. In the past, when we bought furniture from IKEA, we’d simply unpack it and start assembling – going mostly by feel. Sometimes we’d have to start over.
Now we do it differently. We hand the instructions to our son. He genuinely loves them – not a single point is missed, not a single step skipped. It’s almost as if he and the manual speak the same language.
The same goes for my kitchen machines and anything else with a manual. When he reads and explains the instructions to me, I get it right straight away.
This difference isn’t about one way being better than the other – it’s about how the brain works differently. Someone who follows instructions carefully can deliver precision and accuracy. Someone who jumps straight in can bring creativity and quick problem-solving.
But it’s important to understand these differences in order to give the right support and set the right expectations.
Why the Oskar Series Exists
To show that we can meet children in ways other than trying to shape them so that they fit into a pre-made mould.
The Series in Order
Part 1: Autism – Understanding and Strengths
Part 2: Does Oskar Really Have to Learn to Tie His Shoes?
Part 3: Motivating Circumstances and Invisible Support
Between the Lines
This is more than the story of a child. It’s a mirror showing how we adults create environments where some children can thrive while others are forced to struggle to fit in.
The Oskar Series is a reminder that every time we choose to see the child in front of us – instead of our image of what a child “should” be – we open a door. Not just for them, but for ourselves.
Reflection
Every child carries something unique. As adults, we can choose to see it, understand it, and give it room to grow. But we must also resist the temptation to press it into a form where it risks withering.
Yesterday has settled into history, tomorrow waits further ahead. Right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
My name is Carina, and I have, for many years, had the privilege of getting to know children and young people who may not always have fitted into the moulds of school or society.
In my work – and in life – I have seen how important it is to listen, to understand, and sometimes just to sit beside them without trying to fix everything.
I write the Oskar Series to share what I have seen, felt, and learned. To remind us that behind every glance, every silence, and every outburst, there is a story. And because I believe that we all, if we dare to see, can be that safe point that makes a difference.
FAQ – English (Oskar Series Part 1)
What is the Oskar Series? The Oskar Series is a collection of stories and reflections about children with NDDs such as autism and ADHD. It highlights both strengths and challenges – and explores how we can create schools where every child can thrive.
What strengths do children with autism often have? Many children with autism show unique strengths such as attention to detail, honesty, perseverance, deep interests, and a way of thinking outside the box that often leads to creative solutions.
What challenges can children with autism face in school? They may struggle with sensory sensitivity (sounds, lights, food), social interaction, need for routines, varying daily energy levels, and misunderstandings from adults.
How is autism different from ADHD? Children with autism often prefer clear step-by-step instructions and follow them precisely. Children with ADHD, however, may jump into tasks more spontaneously but risk missing details. Both ways have strengths – but they require different kinds of support.
Why do you write about Oskar? To show that children should not be forced into a ready-made mold. By meeting each child as an individual, we can open doors to growth, confidence and belonging.
Support my writing: If you enjoy my work and would like to support what I do, you can contribute via PayPal here: Support via PayPa
I’ve been thinking a lot since I wrote my last post. Maybe someone felt exposed. Maybe it was too much, too direct, too uncomfortable.
And maybe that’s exactly what it needed to be.
I don’t write to judge
What I wrote – it didn’t come from anger at parents. It came from love for children. And from a sorrow that has grown over the years.
Because I’ve seen things. I’ve worked with young people for many years – in treatment centers, institutions, therapy rooms, and out on the streets. I’ve listened to stories that still hurt in my chest today.
Like the time I asked a young person to describe what a real friend is – and realized they had never had one. When I explained what friendship meant to me, they looked at me like I was telling a fairytale. That’s how far away it was from their reality.
When children’s eyes lose their light
So when I see young kids – because they are kids – hanging around late at night, with eyes that have already lost their trust… it hurts. And then I have to write.
What we don’t need is scapegoats
What we need is presence. Connection. Courage.
The responsibility of the adult world
I know parenting isn’t easy. We’re tired. We’re overwhelmed. We try our best. The laundry piles up. The fridge is empty. The clock never stops.
I’ve been there too.
But still: We have to see that some kids are getting lost. Running straight off a cliff – thinking that’s where they’ll be seen.
And the responsibility? It’s ours. The adults. Together.
We can do more – even when it feels impossible
Maybe we think it’s too late. That we’ve lost control. That the child has chosen their path. But most of the time – it’s not too late.
Small actions can create big changes. A conversation. A clear boundary. A “I see you, and I care.”
It’s not about perfect solutions. It’s about trying. About taking one more step. Staying present one more night. Asking for help. Daring to say to another parent: “Hey, I’m worried – how do we handle this together?”
Because it’s possible. We can do more than we think. And often, it starts with someone believing it’s possible. Sometimes – that someone is you.
A cry for presence and courage
What I wrote last time was a cry. A cry for attention. A cry for involvement. And a cry to be an adult – not your child’s best friend.
A cry for courage. And the courage it takes to ask for help.
Because safety often lives in what seems boring. In routine. In boundaries. In predictability.
We’re not supposed to be our children’s best friends
We’re supposed to be their direction. Their compass. Their grounded hand.
To you who felt something
If you felt anger, guilt, sorrow – or just exhaustion – when reading my last post, I want you to know:
I’m not against you. I’m for you. I stand with you.
When you dare to say: “No. This is not okay.”
I want your children to thrive. I want us to see – together. It’s time to raise the blinds. To look out. To stop pretending we don’t see.
Saying no – and still staying close
Children don’t only need love. They need direction. They need someone who says no – and explains why.
Someone who dares to see. Who stays when the child tests every boundary. Who says:
“I see what you’re doing. I won’t allow it. But I’m not leaving – because I know you need me.”
Sometimes the greatest love isn’t the one that says yes – but the one that says no, and still refuses to let go.
Reflection:
Sometimes we write to release something from within. Sometimes we write to change something outside ourselves. And sometimes – we do both.
Yesterday has already settled into history. Tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Today we’re heading out with our little LVL^2. There’s a pleasant feeling in my body – a sense of well-earned rest. Maybe it’s because the laundry baskets are empty. That doesn’t happen often. I don’t know how many loads I did yesterday, but it turned into a full laundry day. And still, we managed to fit in a swim.
Not the refreshing, cold dip I often long for. The lake at home was warm – almost body temperature. I didn’t even feel cold getting in. But the kids enjoyed it – and so did I. Even though I was in the water almost as long as they were, I still felt warm when I got out. But I also felt grateful. Swimming together is its own kind of quiet luxury. Though mostly, I just swam on my own.
Have you ever felt that? When life is overflowing with things to do, but still feels strangely empty? Maybe those small moments – a swim, an empty laundry basket – are where life happens most clearly.
Thirty kilometers in blazing sun
Later in the morning, my brother and his daughter arrived. They had biked all the way from Uddevalla – 30 kilometers in blazing sunshine. The temperature reached 27–30 degrees. I’m impressed. Also, a little worried. I would’ve passed out halfway.
But my brother has always been determined. He once biked all the way to Gothenburg. I suppose it runs in the family – because when our grandfather was young, he and his brothers used to cycle from Gothenburg to Uddevalla every weekend. They worked until 1 PM on Saturdays, then hopped on their bikes to spend Sunday with their parents. Would anyone do that today? I doubt it. These days, people train for the sake of training – not to visit their parents.
Do you think we’ve become too comfortable? Or are we just showing love in different ways today?
A pancake worth remembering
After the swim, I got the idea to make a gluten-free oven pancake. I’ve tried many times before – but it’s never really turned out right. That fluffy, firm texture has always been missing. But yesterday… it worked.
I found a recipe from Det glutenfria köket (The Gluten-Free Kitchen) and made a double batch. I left out the bacon since we were having it with ice cream. The pancake turned out exactly the way I hoped. We ate it with queen’s jam and vanilla ice cream. The kids devoured it like they’d never seen food before. And I… I just sat there, enjoying the fact that I pulled it off. It had that soft, fluffy texture – just like I remember from my mother’s kitchen.
Recipe – Gluten-Free Oven Pancake
You’ll need: – 4 eggs – 3 dl gluten-free flour mix (like Finax Red or Semper Mix) – 4 dl milk – 1 tsp psyllium husk – 1 tsp baking powder – A pinch of salt – 1 pack of bacon or smoked ham (optional)
How to make it:
Preheat oven to 220°C (428°F).
Whisk a bit more than half of the milk together with flour mix, psyllium husk, baking powder, and salt.
Add eggs one at a time while whisking.
Pour in the rest of the milk. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes.
If using bacon – dice and pre-bake it in the baking dish for 10 minutes.
Pour the batter into the dish and bake for 30–40 minutes in the center of the oven.
Serve with jam and ice cream – and a cup of coffee if you like.
Evening with cheese, crackers, and card games
Later that evening, my daughter and her partner came by. She had called earlier and asked if we could have cheese and crackers. I said yes right away. There’s something about those kinds of evenings – simple, yet deeply meaningful. We sat out on the patio playing cards until the dark slowly settled in. I wasn’t exactly a champion at the games, but I did win with my laughter – and my “fult ord”.
(Now, I don’t actually say a lot of bad words. I say “fult ord” – which literally means “bad word.” The boys at work thought that was hilarious and joked that whenever I said it, they’d mentally insert an actual swear word. But after a few months, they all started saying “fult ord” too. It became our thing.)
Have you ever felt that someone is doing something just to ease your pain? It’s beautiful – but also fragile. What happens when we realize we need to carry our own grief?
But in the middle of all that warmth and joy, a thought crept in. One I’ve been carrying for a while. I don’t want my daughter to come just because our son doesn’t. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to fill a void or be a comfort. That emptiness – that’s ours to deal with.
I’ve spoken to her about these thoughts. And I hope she comes to us because she truly wants to – not out of guilt or responsibility for something she can’t fix.
And yet… I’m so grateful that she does come. That we have these evenings. Together.
Thoughts on faith – and a question from my neighbor
Before I end, I want to share a short clip from my neighbor’s YouTube channel. She makes sweet little educational films for children – but sometimes, she speaks to us grown-ups too. Today she asks: Can we live without religion?
I don’t know. I think many people in Sweden live without God in the traditional sense. But I believe we all still believe – in something. Karma, nature, kindness, purpose. I believe goodness creates more goodness – that kind acts ripple out into the world.
Faith has always been part of humanity. People have always needed to believe in something bigger – a reason to keep going. Our ancestors had gods long before priests came. Vikings, cave dwellers, everyone had their form of belief.
As for me – I go to church once a year. On Christmas Eve. For the songs, for the peace. I wouldn’t call myself religious. But maybe I am, in my own way.
Do you need something bigger to believe in? What holds your thoughts when the world feels too large – or too empty?
Reflection
This was a day full of sun, swimming, food, family and thoughts. A day where the heat pressed down, but my heart opened. A day that tasted like pancake, smelled of sun-warmed skin – and left something to quietly ponder.
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”Jag vet inte om du har en sån plats – en som en gång gav dig ro, men som nu bär på andra känslor. Själv sitter jag här på altanen och låter tankarna vandra just dit…”
Det här skrev jag igår, i värmen under altantaket. När du läser det sitter jag nog vid sjön där det är simskola. Kanske med en kopp kaffe i handen, kanske i samtal med en liten kille som sakta men säkert närmar sig vattnet. Små steg, med tillit. Både för honom – och för mig.
Att lära sig simma – och våga närma sig
Idag fick jag följa med grannens pojke till simskolan. Han har inte riktigt lärt sig simma än, och har lite svårt att komma i vattnet. Men simkunnighet är så viktigt. Inte för att bli duktig – men för att kunna ta sig till land om något skulle hända. För mig är det en av de mest grundläggande kunskaperna man kan få.
Vi bestämde att ta med lite fika och stanna kvar en stund efteråt. Visa att sjön kan vara något positivt. Lek, skratt, nyfikenhet. Kanske blir det bara fötterna i vattnet idag. Kanske lite hundsim imorgon. Vi tar det i små steg. Det är så man lär sig – både barn och vuxna.
En annan sjö, en annan känsla
Men samtidigt – jag badade inte idag. Inte i min egen sjö. Den där platsen som är min. Där jag brukar andas, vila, känna mig hemma. Jag valde bort den.
Det var inte av feghet. Inte ens av sorg – även om det gjorde ont. Jag valde det av respekt.
Respekt för min son, om han skulle vara där. För barnbarnen – för att de inte skulle behöva känna något konstigt, något svårförklarligt. Jag ville inte vara den som störde stillheten. Inte idag.
Det var mitt sätt att visa omtanke – på avstånd. Men det innebar också att jag avstod från något som ger mig kraft. Och jag saknade det.
När minnen färgar en plats
Det är märkligt hur platser kan förvandlas. Inte för att de fysiskt förändras – men för att våra känslor gör det. Från trygghet till vaksamhet. Från frihet till försiktighet.
Den där sjön är min plats. Men idag fick den stå tom – av hänsyn. Och kanske av rädsla också. Rädsla för att riva upp något. För att bli en känsla i någon annans dag som inte är välkommen.
Att ta tillbaka något – varsamt
Men jag vill tillbaka. Inte genom konfrontation. Utan genom stillhet. Genom att bara vara där, igen. I min takt.
Kanske i gryningen. Kanske en annan dag. Med fötterna i vattnet och hjärtat lite närmare mig själv.
Hemma, i långsam rörelse
Under dagen hemma hängde jag tvätt i solen. Kände vinden mot huden. Lyssnade på tystnaden mellan maskinerna. Rensade lite ogräs i slänten – men bara så mycket som kroppen orkade.
Och vet du vad? Jag sa till mig själv: Nu räcker det. Det som blev gjort var tillräckligt. Det var vackert. Resten tar jag en annan dag.
Det är något nytt. Och kanske också något jag lär mig – precis som lillpojken i sjön kanske gör.
Reflektion:
Att välja bort något för att skydda någon annan är också kärlek. Men glöm inte dig själv. Det du längtar efter förtjänar också plats. Det går att visa hänsyn – och ändå sakta hitta tillbaka till det som ger dig kraft
Fråga till dig som läser:
Har du någon plats som förändrats för dig – en gång trygg, nu osäker? Hur gör du för att ta tillbaka den? Och hur vet du när det är dags att försöka?
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Citat att ta med dig:
”Lev idag – just nu. Igår vilar i historien och morgondagen väntar där borta i framtiden. Det är nuet som räknas.”
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”I don’t know if you have a place like that – one that once brought you peace but now carries something heavier. I’m sitting here on the patio, letting my thoughts drift in that direction…”
I wrote this yesterday, sitting beneath the roof of the patio while the sun warmed the air around me. As you’re reading this, I’m likely by the lake where swimming lessons are held. Perhaps with a cup of coffee in hand, watching a little boy slowly approach the water. Step by step. With trust. For him – and for me.
Learning to Swim – and to Approach Gently
Today I had the opportunity to join the neighbor’s little boy for his swimming lesson. He hasn’t quite learned how to swim yet, and he’s a bit hesitant about getting into the water. But swimming skills are essential. Not about being great at it – but about being able to reach the shore or a pier if you fall in. For me, it’s one of the most fundamental life skills.
We packed a small picnic and decided to stay a while after the lesson. The idea was to show him that the lake can also be a place of joy. Of play, laughter, curiosity. Maybe today will only be about getting his feet wet. Maybe tomorrow we’ll try dog paddling. Step by step – that’s how learning happens. For children. For adults.
Another Lake, a Different Feeling
At the same time, I chose not to swim in my lake today. The one that usually brings me calm, breath, stillness. I stayed away.
And not out of fear. Not even just sorrow – though yes, it hurt.
I made that choice out of respect. Respect for my son, in case he was there. For my grandchildren – so they wouldn’t feel something strange or awkward. I didn’t want to stir anything up. Not today.
It was my quiet way of caring – from a distance.
But it also meant stepping away from something that gives me strength. And yes, I missed it.
When Memories Color a Place
It’s strange how places can change. Not physically – but emotionally. A place of safety becomes a place of caution. A place of freedom becomes a place of hesitation.
That lake is still mine. But today, I left it untouched – out of consideration. Maybe even fear. Fear of becoming a feeling in someone else’s day who didn’t want me there.
Reclaiming Gently, Not Forcefully
But I want to return. Not through confrontation. But through presence. By simply being there again – in my own time.
Maybe at dawn. Maybe on another day. With my feet in the water and my heart a little closer to myself.
At Home, In Slower Motion
Back home, I hung laundry in the sun. Felt the wind on my skin. Listened to the stillness between washing machine cycles. I weeded a little in the slope by the house – just as much as my back allowed.
And you know what? I told myself: That’s enough for today. What I managed to do was beautiful. The rest can wait.
That’s new for me. And maybe something I’m learning – just like the little boy at the lake.
Reflection
Choosing to step back to protect someone else is also love. But don’t forget yourself. The things you long for deserve space too. It’s possible to show respect – and still gently return to what gives you life.
Question for You, Dear Reader:
Do you have a place that once felt safe – but now feels uncertain? How do you reclaim it? And how do you know when it’s time?
Quote to Carry With You
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
”Live today, right now. Yesterday rests in history, and tomorrow waits out there in the distance. Right now is what matters.”
Support My Writing
If you enjoy my writing and would like to support my work, you’re welcome to contribute via PayPal. Every little donation helps me continue sharing these honest, everyday reflections.
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