Being a Grandma – Card Games, Pancakes and Longing

Att vara mormor och farmor – mellan närhet och saknad, symboliserat av en brygga ut mot havet.

Being a grandma sometimes means balancing – standing on the pier, feeling the wind, and daring to hope for what can be built ahead…

Autumn is here to stay. When I wake up it’s dark, just like today at 5:20 in the morning. Yesterday was filled with both laughter and heavier feelings. Being a grandma means living right in the middle of it all – with pancakes, card games and hugs, but also with the longing for what is not possible.

Läs det här på Svenska ->Att vara mormor och farmor – kortspel, pannkakor och saknad

Card Games, Pancakes and a Grandma’s Grade

Yesterday afternoon Alfred was here again, and of course we played cards. That little man doesn’t like it at all when grandma wins. Yesterday he suddenly asked me what I used to work with.

I told him that right now I don’t have a job I need to travel to every day. “But before then, grandma, what did you do?” he asked. I explained that I worked with young people and children who couldn’t live with their parents. He thought it was sad for the children who couldn’t stay with their mom and dad.

I told him that yes, it can be sad, but they don’t have a choice. When they couldn’t live with their parents, they got to play cards with grandma and her colleagues. He thought it was a strange job. I tried to explain that there were many other things too – that it was a bit like life itself: you talk, eat meals together, and when someone is sad or angry you take care of it.

Then Alfred said it was good that I had worked with that kind of thing, because “there’s no one better at comforting than my grandma.”

I’d call that a top grade for a grandma. The fact that she also makes pancakes with ice cream – although you have to taste the soup she cooks on Thursdays – was also good. But, it would have been even better with only pancakes. The rule is: if it’s pancakes, you must taste the soup, but you don’t have to finish it.

And today Alfred finishes school very early, already at 11. I get to pick him up again – and we’ll share another afternoon together.

A Birthday Visit – Both Joy and Longing

Yesterday we went to drop off gifts for one of the grandchildren who had a birthday. The situation was a bit unusual, but when you turn a year older you should of course be celebrated – birthdays deserve presents.

There were many packages, mostly pens and crayons because she’s so good at drawing. Two little kittens ran around the house and brightened the moment. The visit was short, but both my husband and I got hugs. My daughter was there too and she also had gifts with her.

I wish our relationship could be more everyday – that I could take her out for coffee, help with homework or pick her up from school. Just as I can do with Alfred. But right now life doesn’t look like that. Still, it was wonderful to see her, even though it hurt when we drove home again.

My little princess of a grandchild – the moment was short, but the memory will last long. And there was also the quiet longing for the little chubby one, who wasn’t even home this time. He too is in my heart, just as much, even when we don’t see each other.

(Here you can read another post with the grandchildren: Little ones who, before leaving, missed Lvl²)

On Children, Care and the Strength to Comfort

When Alfred asked about my work, it reminded me why it’s so important that there are adults who step in when parents can’t. For children it’s often hard, but also necessary. Organizations like BRIS and Save the Children share more about children’s rights and support.

Between the Lines – My Voice

Between card games and pancakes, between hugs and distance, lies my story. What I’m really saying is: I love all my grandchildren, but the path to them looks different. With Alfred there’s everyday closeness. With the princess and the little chubby one, there’s longing and what I don’t get to share.

Reflection

Perhaps this is what life is – full of contrasts. One moment warmed by a boy’s words that I’m the best at comforting. The next, aching with the pain of not being able to share everyday life with the others.

Question for You

Have you ever stood in that feeling of both closeness and distance – of joy and longing at the same time?

Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens.
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Frequently Asked Questions about Being a Grandma

What does it mean to be a grandma?
It often means being close to your grandchildren – sharing play, everyday moments, hugs, and conversations.

What is the best part of being a grandma?
The joy of the small things: playing cards, making pancakes, going for walks, or simply being present.

Can a grandma feel longing or absence?
Yes, sometimes grandchildren are not always nearby. That longing is part of the love – it shows how important the relationship really is.

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