Being a grandmother is both joy and longing. I have experienced many moments of closeness with Emilia and Hugo – from Emilia’s naps at our house and our trips in the motorhome, to the times I got to look after little Hugo or when he came to visit. Today, things look different. The longing is strong, but the love remains, just as powerful as before.
Being a grandmother sometimes means standing steady, even when the waves are high.
Being a grandmother is to gather small moments that grow into big memories. When Emilia was younger, I often had the opportunity to care for both her and her little brother Hugo. Emilia could join us in the motorhome, she slept over at our place, and I could go there after my morning swims and feel welcome.
Hugo is still small, but even with him I’ve had precious moments. I’ve cared for him a few times and he has been visiting. Those occasions filled me with joy – holding him close, seeing his eyes, and knowing that I too am part of his beginning in life.
These days of everyday magic are what I hold on to: pancakes at the kitchen table, stories and laughter with Emilia, and little moments with Hugo. They are treasures I keep in my heart.
When the grandmother role changes
The empty chair symbolizes the longing in a grandmother’s heart.
But today, things look different. I am no longer a natural part of their everyday life. The longing for Emilia and Hugo hurts – sometimes so much it takes place in my body. Being a grandmother therefore also means enduring the feeling of being outside.
To cope with the grief, I now see a therapist. It gives me strength, helps me find hope, and reminds me that relationships can change over time. At the same time, it is difficult. Being a grandmother from a distance requires both patience and courage – and sometimes the waiting feels endless.
Being a grandmother also means carrying the sorrow of not being part of your grandchildren’s lives, even though you once were a present mother. I have previously written about this process in the post “Healing after being set aside as a parent – when grief and love live together,” where I describe my process of healing.
The birthday and the hug that meant everything
When Emilia had her birthday, I wanted to show that I had not forgotten her. I wanted her to feel that she is still my princess, that I am still her grandmother – even if I am no longer in her everyday life.
I remember standing on the steps with the presents in my hands. My heart was beating fast. Would she be happy? Had she also taken distance, or would she meet me with the sparkle I longed for? It was a moment filled with worry, hope, and love.
When the door opened and she saw the presents, she became so happy. A relief spread within me, as if my heart could breathe again. And when we were leaving and she gave me a hug, I held on for just a little longer. Just to feel her close, to show her that I am still here, that I love her – so much it almost hurt.
A love that never disappears
The photos and keepsakes remind me of the love that endures.
In our home there is my grandmother’s sideboard – a piece of furniture that has followed me through life and carries her memory. On it now stand photos of my own grandchildren. It feels like a bridge between generations, from my grandmother to me as a grandmother, and further on to Emilia and Hugo. A reminder that love continues, even as life changes.
Being a grandmother means loving unconditionally. Even when closeness is no longer certain, the bond remains. The longing is sometimes overwhelming, but love is stronger than distance.
In my heart, Emilia and Hugo will always be there. A grandmother’s heart never gives up. It loves, carries, and hopes – every single day.e
FAQ – Being a Grandmother
What does it mean to be a grandmother today? Both joy and challenge. Sometimes you are close in everyday life, sometimes you love from a distance.
Is the grandmother role always certain? No, it can be fragile. But love remains – through everything.
How can you be a grandmother when you are not allowed to be close? Through memories, small gestures of care – and by never stopping to love.
Between the lines I carry both memories and longing. I look back at all the beauty we shared, and I try to hold on to the hope that new moments may come. The longing hurts, but love makes me whole.
AHA – Between the Lines
Here it becomes clear that being a grandmother is intertwined with being a mother. When the relationship with one’s own child changes, the path to the grandchildren is also affected. The pain becomes double. Yet love shows its strength – it remains within me, both as a mother and as a grandmother, even when I am set aside.
Yesterday has already laid itself to rest in history, tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
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