barns styrkor-arkiv

The Oskar Series continues. This time I ask the question: do all children really need to know how to tie their shoes? A simple everyday moment becomes a reminder of how school meets children with ADHD and autism – and how important it is to recognize each child’s strengths.
This post was first written in 2012 and has now been updated. It is part 2 in the Oskar Series – a story about a boy whose encounters with school raise important questions about how we view differences. The series will be published on Tuesdays each week until the topic feels complete.

You’re welcome to also read the first part of the Oskar Series, Part 1 – Meeting Children with Neurodevelopmental Differences in School before diving into this one.

Read this on Swedish

Last night, I was helping my daughter with a school assignment. She’s in her second year of high school, and right now they’re studying neurodevelopmental differences – something our family has plenty of experience with.

But when I heard what they had learned, and read through her notes, I was horrified. Not because of the subject itself, but because of how it was described and what was considered important.

Oskar Series School – Must Everyone Be Able to Tie Shoes?

In one of the assignments, a 12-year-old boy named Oskar was supposed to be “helped into social belonging” and, in addition, taught how to tie his shoes. Physical education was also listed as an area to develop.

Photo/Illustration: Tommy Hagman, rabbit artist – published with permission.
Alt text: Illustration of Oskar Series school – boy in contemplation.
If you want to see the original illustrations, please visit the Swedish version. The images are old, yet they are very dear to me and fit this story so well.

I felt a chill.
What if the child prefers being on his own, with books or other interests? Do we really need to change Oskar so that he gets friends he doesn’t even want?

And is it truly life essential to tie shoes? There are Velcro straps. For example, our own son has shoes he doesn’t need to tie, and if he wears sneakers with laces, he simply tucks the laces inside. It works perfectly – and frees up time and energy for things that actually matter to him.

Oskar’s Strengths – and the School’s Perspective

Oskar had several other things he “needed” to learn. But is it really him who must change? Or should we, instead, teach the environment to meet Oskar where he is, so that he can remain the unique flower he was born to be?

Why make him into a common dandelion when he is, in fact, a wood star – or perhaps a rare flower not everyone gets to see?

If Oskar thrives among library shelves and loves reading about world records, why not let him? At the same time, the school could make use of his special interests, letting him shine in the classroom by sharing his knowledge.

When School Shapes Instead of Meeting

Another thing that worried me was when my daughter said:

“No, Mom, we don’t talk about ADHD, Tourette’s, or anything other than autism and Asperger’s.”

That’s when I understood why school looks the way it does. If you’re different, you apparently need to fit into one mold – in this case “autism.”

Where is the diversity? Where is the willingness to meet each individual on their own terms?

Standardizing children makes me shiver. On the other hand, we can choose to see each child for who they are, instead of forcing them into a mold that doesn’t fit. The sky, which was bright blue when we started talking, grew dark with my thoughts.

See the Children’s Assets

We cannot blame Oskar for having Asperger’s. He didn’t choose it and cannot help it. But when we try to reshape him according to the school’s mold, that’s exactly what we do.

Not all children like gym class – and why should they all be graded in it? Oskar could, for example, contribute by measuring distances in jumps, keeping statistics, or creating progress charts. He could use his strengths to grow himself and even help others.

Assets are what we are good at – and not everyone is good at tying shoes. Some have unique talents that deserve to bloom.

Photo/Illustration: Tommy Hagman, rabbit artist – published with permission.
Alt text: Oskar Series school – illustration of children’s differences
If you want to see the original illustrations, please visit the Swedish version. The images are old, yet they are very dear to me and fit this story so well.

Between the Lines

This post isn’t really about shoelaces. It’s about the small demands that adults sometimes place on children – demands that can easily overshadow their true strengths. Oskar is a reminder that we need to highlight what is already blooming, instead of reshaping it.

Between the Lines About me

This story isn’t only about Oskar – it’s also about me. It shows my wish to stand up for children who don’t always fit into the school’s mold.

Questions for You as a Reader

Should schools shape children to fit a mold, or shape education to fit the child?
Do you think it’s important that all children can tie shoes – or are there other things that matter more?
Have you ever met a child who struggled with something adults considered “small” but which, for the child, was a huge obstacle?
How do you think we adults can get better at highlighting strengths instead of weaknesses?

Reflection

This post reminds me how easily we get stuck in expectations that aren’t always necessary. Oskar’s shoes show that sometimes it’s more important to find your own way than to follow the norm.

Do you want to continue following Oskar’s journey? Explore all parts of the Oskar Series here

Woman with sunglasses at the beach, a day by the water in summer sunlight Carina Ikonen Nilsson — A day by the water – sunglasses and summer vibes

Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow is waiting somewhere ahead. But right now – this is where life happens.
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson

FAQ – English (for the Oskar series)

Do all children need to know how to tie shoes in school?
No, children learn at their own pace. What matters is recognizing their strengths and offering alternatives, such as Velcro or elastic laces.

How can children with ADHD be supported in the classroom?
Through structure, clear routines, and a calm approach. Small breaks, visual aids, clear instructions, and positive reinforcement often make a big difference.

What does NPF mean?
NPF stands for neurodevelopmental disorders. This includes ADHD, autism, Tourette’s syndrome, and language disorders.

Why do you write about the Oskar series?
To share experiences and reflections from everyday life – about how we can meet children in ways that build their self-esteem and give them a chance to succeed.