Kay Pollak choose happiness – two words that have become important in my life. Here I share how his ideas on personal responsibility help me in everyday life: from messy breakfast mornings to the deeper pain of distance from my son and grandchildren. It’s a story about pausing, choosing your response, and creating your own joy.
At home we have paused our Storytel subscription for a while, which means I now listen to podcasts instead. Podcasts don’t paint long, poetic pictures like a book, but they give me something else – other people’s words and experiences. And sometimes that is exactly what I need.
Yesterday I chose my all-time favorite. I’ll write his name even though my husband might shake his head if he happened to read this: Kay Pollak. His voice has followed me for many years, and my husband has heard plenty of quotes from him.
Who Is Kay Pollak?
For those who don’t know: Kay Pollak is a Swedish author, lecturer and film director. He is known for his thoughts on self-leadership, joy and inner freedom, expressed in books like Att välja glädje (Choose Joy) and Att växa genom möten (To Grow Through Encounters). He also directed the internationally acclaimed film As It Is in Heaven.
In his talks and books, he returns again and again to the same core insight:
We cannot decide what happens to us – but we can choose how we react.
It sounds simple. But for me, it has been life-changing.
Kay Pollak Choose Happiness in Everyday Life
When I first started listening to Kay Pollak, I learned to pause in the moment.
Take a normal morning: I come home from work and find the kitchen counter full of crumbs, a butter pack left out. I used to get furious and take it personally – as if I were just the cleaning lady in my own home.
But when I let Kay Pollak’s words settle in, I could stop and think: They must have had a stressful morning. How wonderful that the kids still had time for breakfast. Maybe my husband was simply exhausted last night.
And you know what? It was so much easier to feel happy on the mornings when I thought kinder thoughts.
The same with my daughter on those days when she woke up in a storm and pressed every trigger I had. In the past I would react immediately. But when I saw the tiredness behind her frustration, I could choose another way to respond – exactly what she needed: a mother who looked beyond the behavior.
The Greatest Test – My Son and Grandchildren
This insight reaches far beyond morning routines. The distance from my adult son hurts. I miss my grandchildren. Sometimes part of me wants to put blame somewhere. But deep down I know I never want to give him guilt. I want to love him – and I do. I wish him every happiness, even if I’m not part of his children’s lives.
I cannot control his choices. I can only choose my own attitude. Choose to live. Choose to be happy – even with longing in my heart.
Happiness as an Active Choice
It may sound unusual, but I truly believe I can choose whether to be happy or unhappy. Happiness is not just a feeling that happens to us. It is a choice I make again and again, in big and small things.
I can fill my life with what gives meaning – writing, painting, morning swims, and the community of those who are here. That is my responsibility.
I cannot take responsibility for other people’s reactions, but I can take responsibility for how I relate to them.
Questions for You
How do you think about choosing happiness in your own life?
Have you experienced how a different response completely changed a tough situation?
Is there someone whose words have moved into your life the way Kay Pollak’s words have into mine?
Feel free to share in the comments – your words might spark new thoughts for someone else.
Between the Lines – My Voice
Behind these words lies a quiet gratitude. I see how my patterns have been shaped by both inheritance and choice – and how freedom can begin in a single thought. Taking responsibility for your own life is not about carrying everything alone, but about choosing how to meet what happens.
Reflection
In every choice of thought there is a small freedom. To pause, to breathe before the word or reaction comes, can change an entire day. This is not denying grief but carrying it with gentler hands. Kay Pollak’s words remind me that life can indeed feel lighter when I choose a softer response.
AHA – Between the Lines
Happiness is not something someone else can give. It is my own creation – in dishes left on the counter, in children who sometimes push away, in the deep longing for those I love. I can grieve and still choose joy. In that tension between pain and the will to live, freedom arises.
Yesterday has already laid itself to rest in history, and tomorrow waits somewhere ahead. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
What does Kay Pollak mean by “choose happiness”? He teaches that while we cannot control what happens, we can choose our response. By pausing and seeing situations differently, we can create more joy.
How have you applied his thoughts? By pausing in everyday moments – like facing a messy kitchen or a child’s bad morning mood – and choosing a calmer response that leads to peace instead of conflict.
Can you really choose happiness when life hurts? Yes. It doesn’t mean pain disappears. It means acknowledging grief without getting stuck. I carry the sorrow of distance from my son, but I choose to live and find joy.
Where can I learn more about Kay Pollak? Check out his books such as Choose Joy (Att välja glädje) and To Grow Through Encounters (Att växa genom möten), available in bookstores, audiobooks and podcasts. You can also visit Kay Pollak’s official website for more inspiration.
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