Att vara mormor och farmor – mellan närhet och saknad, symboliserat av en brygga ut mot havet.
Being a grandma sometimes means balancing – standing on the pier, feeling the wind, and daring to hope for what can be built ahead…
Autumn is here to stay. When I wake up it’s dark, just like today at 5:20 in the morning. Yesterday was filled with both laughter and heavier feelings. Being a grandma means living right in the middle of it all – with pancakes, card games and hugs, but also with the longing for what is not possible.
Yesterday afternoon Alfred was here again, and of course we played cards. That little man doesn’t like it at all when grandma wins. Yesterday he suddenly asked me what I used to work with.
I told him that right now I don’t have a job I need to travel to every day. “But before then, grandma, what did you do?” he asked. I explained that I worked with young people and children who couldn’t live with their parents. He thought it was sad for the children who couldn’t stay with their mom and dad.
I told him that yes, it can be sad, but they don’t have a choice. When they couldn’t live with their parents, they got to play cards with grandma and her colleagues. He thought it was a strange job. I tried to explain that there were many other things too – that it was a bit like life itself: you talk, eat meals together, and when someone is sad or angry you take care of it.
Then Alfred said it was good that I had worked with that kind of thing, because “there’s no one better at comforting than my grandma.”
I’d call that a top grade for a grandma. The fact that she also makes pancakes with ice cream – although you have to taste the soup she cooks on Thursdays – was also good. But, it would have been even better with only pancakes. The rule is: if it’s pancakes, you must taste the soup, but you don’t have to finish it.
And today Alfred finishes school very early, already at 11. I get to pick him up again – and we’ll share another afternoon together.
Yesterday we went to drop off gifts for one of the grandchildren who had a birthday. The situation was a bit unusual, but when you turn a year older you should of course be celebrated – birthdays deserve presents.
There were many packages, mostly pens and crayons because she’s so good at drawing. Two little kittens ran around the house and brightened the moment. The visit was short, but both my husband and I got hugs. My daughter was there too and she also had gifts with her.
I wish our relationship could be more everyday – that I could take her out for coffee, help with homework or pick her up from school. Just as I can do with Alfred. But right now life doesn’t look like that. Still, it was wonderful to see her, even though it hurt when we drove home again.
My little princess of a grandchild – the moment was short, but the memory will last long. And there was also the quiet longing for the little chubby one, who wasn’t even home this time. He too is in my heart, just as much, even when we don’t see each other.
When Alfred asked about my work, it reminded me why it’s so important that there are adults who step in when parents can’t. For children it’s often hard, but also necessary. Organizations like BRIS and Save the Children share more about children’s rights and support.
Between the Lines – My Voice
Between card games and pancakes, between hugs and distance, lies my story. What I’m really saying is: I love all my grandchildren, but the path to them looks different. With Alfred there’s everyday closeness. With the princess and the little chubby one, there’s longing and what I don’t get to share.
Reflection
Perhaps this is what life is – full of contrasts. One moment warmed by a boy’s words that I’m the best at comforting. The next, aching with the pain of not being able to share everyday life with the others.
Question for You
Have you ever stood in that feeling of both closeness and distance – of joy and longing at the same time?
Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Frequently Asked Questions about Being a Grandma
What does it mean to be a grandma? It often means being close to your grandchildren – sharing play, everyday moments, hugs, and conversations.
What is the best part of being a grandma? The joy of the small things: playing cards, making pancakes, going for walks, or simply being present.
Can a grandma feel longing or absence? Yes, sometimes grandchildren are not always nearby. That longing is part of the love – it shows how important the relationship really is.
Yesterday I cooked gluten-free chicken fillets in the Airfryer, with fresh salad from the greenhouse and my fluffy Afghan rice. Down in the basement, our worlds coexist. He with his order, me with my creative chaos. Yesterday it was chicken in the Airfryer, salad with greenhouse tomatoes, and Afghan rice – a dinner as simple as it was good. Today it is the same basement, the same us, yet the day carries something more: longing for Alfred and the afternoon ahead.
Yesterday I sat here in the basement. Our little hobby room. We both have our desktop computers down here and sit back-to-back. He in his chair, me in mine. He with WoW, sports and horses, me with pencils, painting, knitting and writing. We may not say much, but still, it is togetherness. At the same time, it is comforting to be close, even if we are doing completely different things. This room was once a storage room, but now it has become our space to play and create.
You will have to excuse the mess. But the mess is mine. I spread out. Brushes, paints, yarn and paper all over the place. That is why it feels alive, and not stiff. Maybe it is also my ADHD that makes the mess grow so fast – yet at the same time, that is where creativity lives. Here lie the ideas that turn into colors, words, and sometimes into food on the table.
Min målarhörna i källaren
My painting corner in the basement
Min skriv- och datorhörna
My writing and computer desk
Vårt gemensamma källarrum
Our shared basement room
Yesterday – Dinner on the Table
And yesterday I cooked, as usual. I take care of weekday dinners, while my husband cooks when he is off work. Gluten-free chicken fillets in the Airfryer. A salad with tomatoes and cucumbers from the greenhouse. I also mixed in the shredded carrots left over from the day before, plus alfalfa sprouts, red onion, lemon, oil and vinegar. Fresh and good. I have also shared my recipe for homemade pizza salad – simple, fresh and perfect as an everyday side dish.
Glutenfria kycklingfiléer på väg in i Airfryern
Crispy chicken with corn flour and panko
Gluten-free chicken fillets ready for the Airfryer
The chicken turned out crispy: corn flour → egg → gluten-free panko. Six minutes on each side in the Airfryer, and then into the oven for a while. It is important that they do not lie too close to each other. Alongside we had a cold sauce made of sour cream, mayonnaise, sambal oelek and chili sauce. And peanut sauce. Yes – you can easily make it yourself, and then all the flavors come through even more clearly. I link to an ICA recipe at the end, and I also include my own quick version.
Afghan rice – a family favorite
Perhaps not everyone’s favorite – my husband is not too fond of it. But my eldest son loves it, and that is mostly why I make it.
I cook it my own way – a twist on Afghan rice. I have said it before and I will say it again: rice must be washed! For a long time. The water must be clear. Then it needs to soak for a few hours.
Afghanskt ris i blötläggning
Afghan rice soaking in water
When I cook it, I use plenty of water, broth, curry, chili, garlic and onion. When it is done, I drain it and put it back in the pot with a paper towel under the lid. In this way the rice becomes fluffy and light.
Today – Longing for Alfred
But that was yesterday. Today is a new day. Still, I sit here in the same basement. The same mess, the same chairs. But not quite the same us, because my husband will soon leave for work – so we are no longer back-to-back. Today my thoughts are elsewhere. With Alfred.
I am already longing, even though the day has barely begun. Later this afternoon I get to pick him up from school. That thought makes me warm inside. To see him, to hear what he wants to tell me, to be a part of his afternoon. That is exactly what I am looking forward to.
Between the Lines
Yesterday was all about food and flavors, even about quiet togetherness back-to-back. Today it is about waiting. Here between the lines lies closeness: it is about having a place. But it is also about sharing everyday life. It is about longing for someone you love. And maybe this too is part of living with ADHD – that everything happens at once, that the mess becomes part of the whole, but also that joy often hides right there.
Now I am curious about you – how is it for you? How does your everyday clutter look – neat and tidy, or creative chaos?
Reflection
Maybe it is right here that life feels most real – in yesterday’s dinner, even if it is also in today’s longing. In the mess down here, and at the same time in the silence back-to-back. Here I experience, even while I see the small moments, which together shape everything in our lives. It is here we can feel within ourselves – in those everyday moments that, therefore, become life in its purest simplicity.
Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Frequently Asked Questions about Gluten-Free Chicken Fillets in the Airfryer
How do you cook gluten-free chicken fillets in the Airfryer? Place the seasoned chicken fillets in the Airfryer basket and cook at 180°C (350°F) for about 18–20 minutes. Flip halfway through for even cooking.
Does chicken stay juicy in the Airfryer? Yes, the Airfryer gives the chicken a crispy outside while keeping the inside tender and juicy.
What spices work best for chicken in the Airfryer? A simple mix of salt, pepper, paprika, and a little olive oil always works well. You can also add garlic, chili, or herbs depending on your taste.
Can I cook frozen chicken fillets in the Airfryer? Yes, but it takes a little longer. Plan for 22–25 minutes instead of 18–20 minutes, depending on the size of the fillets.
Keep warm in the oven until all are done (place them with space between).
Serve with:
Cold sauce: sour cream + mayonnaise + sambal oelek + chili sauce. Taste your way – I often do this with all my cooking, letting the taste buds decide.
Peanut sauce: see quick version below or follow the ICA recipe.
Peanut Sauce – Homemade (Quick Version)
100 ml peanut butter
about 100 ml water (adjust for consistency)
1–2 tbsp soy sauce
1 small garlic clove, grated
1 tsp grated ginger
chili flakes or sambal oelek to taste
1–2 tsp lime juice or a splash of white wine vinegar
a pinch of sugar or honey
Heat gently in a saucepan and stir until smooth. Taste and adjust salt, heat and acidity – homemade usually gives more flavor because you decide the balance yourself.
(ICA recipe link: add here)
Afghan Rice – My Version
Wash the rice thoroughly until the water is clear.
Let it soak for a few hours.
Cook in plenty of water with broth and spices (my twist: curry, chili, garlic, onion).
Taste – when done, drain.
Return to the pot with a paper towel under the lid.
Result: fluffy, flavorful and the perfect side dish.
This post is a small journey through everyday life. It moves from a gray August morning with soft rain, to tidy drawers and a birthday celebration that warmed my heart. Most importantly, it is a reflection on how small actions – folding a sock, sipping coffee, or watching a child laugh – can become moments of stillness and happiness. Perhaps it reminds you, as it does me, that life truly lives in the simple things.
Autumn Makes Itself Known
Yesterday, autumn whispered its arrival, even though it was only August 2nd. The rain fell heavy and gray, as if the sky had pulled a blanket over summer for a while. Because of that, it was the perfect day for quiet tasks indoors – the kind that bring peace to both the home and the soul.
I pulled out the drawers and began folding clothes using the Marie Kondo method. Underwear, socks, sweaters, and pajamas all found their places. The clothes I no longer needed, I thanked for their time and set aside – some to donate, some to throw away.
Afterwards, when I opened the drawer, it felt almost magical. Everything lay in neat rows, the socks sorted by color. It was as if the drawer itself sighed in relief. And so did I.
Why Fold This Way?
I’ve come to realize that the KonMari method isn’t just about tidiness. Instead, it is about showing gratitude and creating calm in daily life. When every item has its place, the mind also feels a little clearer. No more searching, no more silent sighs at the mess – suddenly, home feels like a place where you can breathe.
There’s also something meditative about the folding itself. While standing in the quiet, I can feel the fabric in my hands, deciding what stays and what moves on. It’s like creating small islands of stillness in the stream of everyday tasks.
KonMari and everyday joy – yes, that’s how it felt as I stood there folding my clothes. Even if my husband only shook his head and said it took time, for me, it was precious time – harmony, self-care, and quiet respect for my belongings.
A Celebration with Simple Joys
In the afternoon, we went to a birthday celebration. We were served smashed potatoes with minced meat and melted cheese, with salad, red onion, and jalapeños on the side. After that, dessert was an ice cream buffet with plenty of toppings – simple, yet so good.
We met my daughter’s partner’s family and their two little boys. They were shy at first, as little boys often are with new people, but after a short while, the shyness melted into laughter and play. I smiled to myself, watching how quickly shyness can turn to mischief. Children are amazing that way – they always find their way to joy.
We had brought a coffee maker as a gift. It felt good to give something useful – finally, there will be brewed coffee in their home.
Tiny Animals and Quiet Greetings
On our last shopping trip, I couldn’t resist buying some small, cute stuffed animals. They each had names and even their own birthdays – completely irresistible.
We bought them for our grandchildren. One stayed at our daughter’s house, while the other two went on a little adventure. Eventually, we placed them in our son’s mailbox with a small note explaining that the animals had birthdays to celebrate. A quiet greeting – from us to them – with the hope of bringing small smiles to their day.
Evening Peace and a Gentle Reflection
When we came home, I settled onto the couch and watched a film about slavery in the US – about a woman who helped others to freedom. As usual, I dozed off for a while, but the evening still ended in peaceful calm.
Later that night, I reflected on how small acts can create deep well-being: A tidy drawer. A shy child daring to laugh. A cup of freshly brewed coffee. And the reminder that life truly happens in the little moments – here and now.
Between the Lines – My Voice
I seek calm in simple things: a tidy drawer, the scent of coffee, the sound of rain. I write to capture the small moments that bring me peace, never to point fingers at anyone. This is my space for reflection, gratitude, and the gentle glimmers of everyday life.
Have you ever tried the KonMari method? How do you create calm in your own daily life? And which small moments stay in your heart the longest?
A Tip – My Neighbor’s YouTube Channel
If you want a short moment of inspiration, take a look at my friend’s videos on YouTube. She shares small glimpses of life with her own gentle warmth – little educational videos for children about animals, nature, and all the small things they wonder about.
Live today, right now. Yesterday is among memories, and the future waits just beyond tomorrow. Right now is where we live and breathe, where life truly happens.
This post is about a technical issue that suddenly got fixed, about the curiosity that drives me – and about camping experiences that have changed. It’s a story about listening to your gut, claiming your space in your own story, and sometimes simply letting go of what no longer feels right.
Did you read the post I wrote about the KonMari method? I shared it yesterday, but the SSL issue got in the way. Here’s the link to the post.
Me and My Stubbornness – and Maybe a Bit of AI
Yes! It’s working again. The SSL certificate is finally in place, and the site is secure. Whether it was Loopia who solved it or me – with some early morning energy and the help of AI – I honestly don’t know. I tinkered and tested, curious as I am. And suddenly… it worked.
No one from Loopia has called me back yet, even though they promised. But that doesn’t matter – now it’s secure, and I’m happy.
The ADHD Gene That Won’t Give Up
I think it was my ADHD gene kicking in. That stubbornness. I don’t give up when something feels like it should be fixable. And sometimes, yes – it actually is.
Thank you, curiosity. Thank you, restlessness. Thank you, the drive to understand even when I don’t fully know what I’m doing.
One Last Time in Vallersvik?
This morning we woke up at Vallersvik Camping. We’ve gone there every year, but now… no. I think this was the last time.
It felt like motorhomes are no longer welcome there. We asked for a spot down by the water – where we usually camp. But apparently, that’s now only for caravans. We were sent up to the top of the campsite. Tight space, no room, no charm.
The first pitch we got was so small we didn’t even fit. We had to switch, but the new one wasn’t much better. We barely had room for the awning – and the clouds above were heavy with the promise of rain.
Higher Prices and Less Hospitality
The campsite has raised its prices significantly. But the service hasn’t followed suit. The toilets and showers are far from high standard, and the staff we met yesterday were not accommodating. Which one might expect at this price level.
The sea, of course, is still there. But that’s not thanks to the campsite.
Honestly, seasonal campers should be placed higher up – it’s us short-term visitors who pay more. And we want to feel welcome. That sense of welcome was missing – and we heard the same from other guests.
Goodbye Vallersvik – Hello Trollhättan
We left early this morning. Now we’re at Stenröset Camping in Trollhättan. There’s plenty of space, a large motorhome pitch, and access to a pool. The little guy loves pools – so we’ll soon be swimming. I’m about to change and jump in.
Yesterday, though… the sea was magical. The waves crashed around us, foamy and wild. No jellyfish, over 20°C – and a feeling of freedom in every breath.
But sometimes, you choose what works best for everyone. And right now, that’s here – with sunshine, a waiting pool, and enough room to breathe.
Closing Words
Some places change. Others grow. I’m taking the memory of the waves’ power with me – but I’m leaving Vallersvik behind. Maybe for good.
AHA
I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking for a place to stand still. And sometimes, that means leaving something behind – to find your way home somewhere else – in yourself, in the present, in new waters.
Maybe it’s exactly when you let go of how things used to be that something new can show up. Stenröset isn’t new, really – here, you know what you get. The facilities are clean, the staff is friendly, and the welcome is real – even if you arrive with a motorhome. Here, everything is just as it should be.
Yesterday has already settled into history. Tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is the moment we live and breathe in. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Today’s post will be a short one. It’s a travel day. We’re leaving at 8:00 AM – and I’m far from ready. First, I need to conquer the mountain of laundry waiting to be folded.
A Day in Mourning – with Ozzy in the Speakers
Yesterday didn’t go as planned. The laundry that was supposed to be folded stayed in a heap – a quiet reminder of what never got done. It turned into a strange kind of day. A day of sorrow, with Ozzy Osbourne’s voice filling both my speakers and my heart. I wrote a blog post, just like I always do – and of course, it was about Ozzy. Read my Ozzy tribute post here
Tight Pants On – IKEA and Elgiganten Adventures
After writing, we headed to Uddevalla to do some shopping. For some reason, I ended up in my tight pants – it was that kind of trip. First stop: IKEA. We bought new drinking glasses, a frying pan, and three lovely jars from the Gladerlig series – the same series our plates are from.
Next stop: Elgiganten, where we made one of the best purchases in a long time – a countertop ice machine! Now we can pamper ourselves with ice cubes in the heat, whether we’re at home or on the road in our motorhome.
Swimming, Pancakes and Packing
Groceries done, we headed home. My husband cooked while I took the kids to the lake for a swim. When we came back, he had prepared pancake batter, so I got busy frying. The pancakes are coming with us today.
Borås Zoo and Hanatorp – and Then We’ll See
Today, we’re off to Borås Zoo to spend the day with our daughter and her family. After the zoo, we’ll stay overnight at the nearby campsite. Tomorrow, we’ll head to Hanatorp to visit my cousin. After that – who knows? We’ll let the road guide us.
But First – the Laundry…
Now I really need to get going. The laundry pile won’t fold itself, and we’re supposed to leave soon. No long post today – life is calling.
Yesterday rested in sorrow – but today, life keeps rolling on.
What about you?
Do you also have days where grief sneaks in – even among the most ordinary moments? How do you shift from heavy to light? From mourning to movement?
Reflection
Grief and everyday life dance together in this post – laundry and loss, pancakes and memories. Sometimes the writing is the breathing space between it all. That’s where I land. In the now. In both softness and strength.
Yesterday has already laid itself to rest in history. Tomorrow is waiting in the distance. But right now – this is where life happens. And the laundry won’t wait. -Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Today we’re heading out with our little LVL^2. There’s a pleasant feeling in my body – a sense of well-earned rest. Maybe it’s because the laundry baskets are empty. That doesn’t happen often. I don’t know how many loads I did yesterday, but it turned into a full laundry day. And still, we managed to fit in a swim.
Not the refreshing, cold dip I often long for. The lake at home was warm – almost body temperature. I didn’t even feel cold getting in. But the kids enjoyed it – and so did I. Even though I was in the water almost as long as they were, I still felt warm when I got out. But I also felt grateful. Swimming together is its own kind of quiet luxury. Though mostly, I just swam on my own.
Have you ever felt that? When life is overflowing with things to do, but still feels strangely empty? Maybe those small moments – a swim, an empty laundry basket – are where life happens most clearly.
Thirty kilometers in blazing sun
Later in the morning, my brother and his daughter arrived. They had biked all the way from Uddevalla – 30 kilometers in blazing sunshine. The temperature reached 27–30 degrees. I’m impressed. Also, a little worried. I would’ve passed out halfway.
But my brother has always been determined. He once biked all the way to Gothenburg. I suppose it runs in the family – because when our grandfather was young, he and his brothers used to cycle from Gothenburg to Uddevalla every weekend. They worked until 1 PM on Saturdays, then hopped on their bikes to spend Sunday with their parents. Would anyone do that today? I doubt it. These days, people train for the sake of training – not to visit their parents.
Do you think we’ve become too comfortable? Or are we just showing love in different ways today?
A pancake worth remembering
After the swim, I got the idea to make a gluten-free oven pancake. I’ve tried many times before – but it’s never really turned out right. That fluffy, firm texture has always been missing. But yesterday… it worked.
I found a recipe from Det glutenfria köket (The Gluten-Free Kitchen) and made a double batch. I left out the bacon since we were having it with ice cream. The pancake turned out exactly the way I hoped. We ate it with queen’s jam and vanilla ice cream. The kids devoured it like they’d never seen food before. And I… I just sat there, enjoying the fact that I pulled it off. It had that soft, fluffy texture – just like I remember from my mother’s kitchen.
Recipe – Gluten-Free Oven Pancake
You’ll need: – 4 eggs – 3 dl gluten-free flour mix (like Finax Red or Semper Mix) – 4 dl milk – 1 tsp psyllium husk – 1 tsp baking powder – A pinch of salt – 1 pack of bacon or smoked ham (optional)
How to make it:
Preheat oven to 220°C (428°F).
Whisk a bit more than half of the milk together with flour mix, psyllium husk, baking powder, and salt.
Add eggs one at a time while whisking.
Pour in the rest of the milk. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes.
If using bacon – dice and pre-bake it in the baking dish for 10 minutes.
Pour the batter into the dish and bake for 30–40 minutes in the center of the oven.
Serve with jam and ice cream – and a cup of coffee if you like.
Evening with cheese, crackers, and card games
Later that evening, my daughter and her partner came by. She had called earlier and asked if we could have cheese and crackers. I said yes right away. There’s something about those kinds of evenings – simple, yet deeply meaningful. We sat out on the patio playing cards until the dark slowly settled in. I wasn’t exactly a champion at the games, but I did win with my laughter – and my “fult ord”.
(Now, I don’t actually say a lot of bad words. I say “fult ord” – which literally means “bad word.” The boys at work thought that was hilarious and joked that whenever I said it, they’d mentally insert an actual swear word. But after a few months, they all started saying “fult ord” too. It became our thing.)
Have you ever felt that someone is doing something just to ease your pain? It’s beautiful – but also fragile. What happens when we realize we need to carry our own grief?
But in the middle of all that warmth and joy, a thought crept in. One I’ve been carrying for a while. I don’t want my daughter to come just because our son doesn’t. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to fill a void or be a comfort. That emptiness – that’s ours to deal with.
I’ve spoken to her about these thoughts. And I hope she comes to us because she truly wants to – not out of guilt or responsibility for something she can’t fix.
And yet… I’m so grateful that she does come. That we have these evenings. Together.
Thoughts on faith – and a question from my neighbor
Before I end, I want to share a short clip from my neighbor’s YouTube channel. She makes sweet little educational films for children – but sometimes, she speaks to us grown-ups too. Today she asks: Can we live without religion?
I don’t know. I think many people in Sweden live without God in the traditional sense. But I believe we all still believe – in something. Karma, nature, kindness, purpose. I believe goodness creates more goodness – that kind acts ripple out into the world.
Faith has always been part of humanity. People have always needed to believe in something bigger – a reason to keep going. Our ancestors had gods long before priests came. Vikings, cave dwellers, everyone had their form of belief.
As for me – I go to church once a year. On Christmas Eve. For the songs, for the peace. I wouldn’t call myself religious. But maybe I am, in my own way.
Do you need something bigger to believe in? What holds your thoughts when the world feels too large – or too empty?
Reflection
This was a day full of sun, swimming, food, family and thoughts. A day where the heat pressed down, but my heart opened. A day that tasted like pancake, smelled of sun-warmed skin – and left something to quietly ponder.
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