Leaving the victim role isn’t about denying what happened – it’s about understanding that the past doesn’t have to shape the future.
In this post, I reflect on how we can let go of what once was, meet our inner child with warmth, and choose thoughts that open the way to freedom, gratitude, and life in the present moment.
The moon reminds me that everything changes – the past can rest while new light takes form.
Read this post in Swedish →Lämna offerrollen – när historien får vila och jag väljer att leva nu
Morning, coffee, and a new beginning
My coffee stands beside me. The cat has gone out for her morning walk, and the silence inside feels calm and safe.
It’s one of those quiet mornings when something inside you has shifted, even though the world outside looks the same.
Yesterday… yes, everything that was yesterday, last week, last year, or even when I was little – all of that belongs to history now.
It’s already happened. I can’t change it, undo it, or polish away what still aches.
I’ve written before about how thoughts influence emotions in my post Living with Positive Psychology. It’s about consciously choosing where to place your focus – just like I do here.
When the past whispers – and how hard it can be to leave the victim role
I’ve spent many hours, maybe years, thinking about what happened back then.
Some memories hurt deeply; others carried guilt or shame.
When I thought about them, I got stuck in the same loop – same thoughts, same feelings, same pain.
It was like wearing an old cardigan – cold, itchy, and faintly smelling of something forgotten.
Still, I kept it on because it was familiar.
I thought, “I feel this way because that happened.”
And so, I held on.
The cardigan became part of me.
The victim role too.
The victim role is like a quiet thief.
It steals joy, piece by piece.
It whispers that you can’t, that you’re stuck, that you’re helpless.
And it makes you believe someone else must save you.
But that old cardigan can feel kind of cozy too, can’t it?
It smells familiar, feels safe – almost soft against the skin.
There’s comfort in the known, like an old map we’ve memorized by heart.
But that map doesn’t lead anywhere anymore.
It takes us back to the same place, again and again.
And I want to move forward now.
Question for you:
Have you ever noticed yourself holding on to a thought that only hurts you?
Which “cardigan” do you keep wearing, even though you no longer need it?
The cardigan becomes a symbol for all the things we carry – what once felt safe but now holds us back.
Leaving the victim role begins right there, in the awareness that what feels safe isn’t always what helps us grow.
When I started listening to myself
One day, I grew tired of feeling cold in that old cardigan.
That was the day I met the curious Carina within me – the part of me that wants to understand, grow, take responsibility, and feel well.
I realized the past didn’t have to be my prison anymore.
It could become my teacher.
What hurts today often resembles what once hurt before.
Those are my triggers – small messages from the body whispering:
“Here lies something you haven’t yet healed.”
Each time I pause, breathe, and stay with what I feel instead of hiding from it, something quiet happens.
I grow.
Meeting the child within
I’ve realized I must give that little girl inside me what she never received.
The one who was scared, sad, unseen – she doesn’t have to wait for someone else to comfort her anymore.
I can place her on my lap, hold her close, and say:
“It wasn’t your fault.
You were worthy of love, warmth, and safety.
You were worthy of being loved – exactly as you are.”
When I’ve done that enough times, I can finally lay down the cardigan.
Question for you:
Can you see your own inner child?
What would you want to tell them – if you could speak today?
I write more about this in to heal you self.
Choosing a new sweater – and a new way of thinking
I’m trading that old cardigan for a soft wool sweater – one that warms instead of weighing me down.
The difference is, this sweater is one I’ve chosen myself.
It’s woven from awareness, responsibility, and gratitude.
From thoughts that strengthen rather than sting.
I can’t change what was, but I can change how I relate to it.
When old thoughts appear, I ask myself:
“Does this thought serve me right now?”
If the answer is no – I change it.
I choose a thought that brings warmth instead of cold.
Question for you:
Which thought would you like to start choosing more often?
One that makes you lighter, calmer – or simply more present right now?
Choosing to leave the victim role and live freely
Today, I choose happiness – not because everything is easy, but because I know I can.
I choose gratitude. I choose to meet myself with gentleness.
I no longer have to feel bad just because something once hurt.
Because now I know I have the right to feel good – despite it all.
When I decided to leave the victim role behind, life slowly began to feel lighter.
Right now, I sit here with coffee in hand and peace in my body.
I feel like my own best friend.
And that – that is freedom.
Reflection – Leaving the victim role in your own story
This is a text about outgrowing your history.
About no longer wearing the cardigan of the victim role, but instead choosing the sweater that truly warms.
To understand that it’s not what happened, but how we think about it, that shapes our day.
If you enjoy this kind of writing, you might also like Good Morning – What Do You Think About the New Layout?, where I write about how silence can teach us something about ourselves.
From my therapist training – a reflection
In my studies to become a certified counselor, I’m learning how thoughts, emotions, and bodily memories are intertwined.
When I write about leaving the victim role, it also mirrors what we practice in therapy – helping ourselves and others take responsibility for feelings, recognize triggers, and choose new ways of thinking.
Writing becomes my own conversation – a way to listen to myself and grow.
This text is about the courage to leave the victim role behind and embrace the possibility of living fully, here and now.
Between the Lines – What the Text Reveals
This is a text about the courage to see yourself without running away.
About daring to let go of what once felt safe, but now keeps you from moving forward.
It tells of how healing begins in something as quiet as a thought being replaced, a feeling being allowed to breathe, a choice made right here and now.
Between the lines, it is also about me – a woman who no longer carries her history as a burden, but as wisdom.
I have learned to leave the victim role without denying the pain.
To see it as a teacher, not a judge.
And it is in that stillness – between the coffee, the words, and the breath – that life truly happens.
“Yesterday’s cardigan might still hang there, breathing history – but it’s airing in today’s light and can change into the future.
Maybe it will be unraveled and knitted again, in today’s colors and feelings.”
— Carina Ikonen Nilsson
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