Etikett: personal growth

A full moon in a clear blue sky – a symbol of leaving the victim role behind and letting the past rest while the light guides the way forward.

Leaving the Victim Role – Choosing Freedom and Presence

Leaving the victim role isn’t about denying what happened – it’s about understanding that the past doesn’t have to shape the future.
In this post, I reflect on how we can let go of what once was, meet our inner child with warmth, and choose thoughts that open the way to freedom, gratitude, and life in the present moment.

The moon reminds me that everything changes – the past can rest while new light takes form.

Read this post in Swedish →Lämna offerrollen – när historien får vila och jag väljer att leva nu


Morning, coffee, and a new beginning

My coffee stands beside me. The cat has gone out for her morning walk, and the silence inside feels calm and safe.
It’s one of those quiet mornings when something inside you has shifted, even though the world outside looks the same.

Yesterday… yes, everything that was yesterday, last week, last year, or even when I was little – all of that belongs to history now.
It’s already happened. I can’t change it, undo it, or polish away what still aches.

I’ve written before about how thoughts influence emotions in my post Living with Positive Psychology. It’s about consciously choosing where to place your focus – just like I do here.


When the past whispers – and how hard it can be to leave the victim role

I’ve spent many hours, maybe years, thinking about what happened back then.
Some memories hurt deeply; others carried guilt or shame.
When I thought about them, I got stuck in the same loop – same thoughts, same feelings, same pain.

It was like wearing an old cardigan – cold, itchy, and faintly smelling of something forgotten.
Still, I kept it on because it was familiar.
I thought, “I feel this way because that happened.”

A knitted cardigan hanging in soft morning light – a symbol of leaving the victim role behind and choosing warmth, self-love and a new way of living.
The old cardigan still hangs there, but the morning light reminds me – I can choose something new.

And so, I held on.
The cardigan became part of me.
The victim role too.

The victim role is like a quiet thief.
It steals joy, piece by piece.
It whispers that you can’t, that you’re stuck, that you’re helpless.
And it makes you believe someone else must save you.

But that old cardigan can feel kind of cozy too, can’t it?
It smells familiar, feels safe – almost soft against the skin.
There’s comfort in the known, like an old map we’ve memorized by heart.
But that map doesn’t lead anywhere anymore.
It takes us back to the same place, again and again.

And I want to move forward now.

Question for you:
Have you ever noticed yourself holding on to a thought that only hurts you?
Which “cardigan” do you keep wearing, even though you no longer need it?

The cardigan becomes a symbol for all the things we carry – what once felt safe but now holds us back.
Leaving the victim role begins right there, in the awareness that what feels safe isn’t always what helps us grow.


When I started listening to myself

One day, I grew tired of feeling cold in that old cardigan.
That was the day I met the curious Carina within me – the part of me that wants to understand, grow, take responsibility, and feel well.

I realized the past didn’t have to be my prison anymore.
It could become my teacher.

What hurts today often resembles what once hurt before.
Those are my triggers – small messages from the body whispering:
“Here lies something you haven’t yet healed.”

Each time I pause, breathe, and stay with what I feel instead of hiding from it, something quiet happens.
I grow.


Meeting the child within

I’ve realized I must give that little girl inside me what she never received.
The one who was scared, sad, unseen – she doesn’t have to wait for someone else to comfort her anymore.

I can place her on my lap, hold her close, and say:

“It wasn’t your fault.
You were worthy of love, warmth, and safety.
You were worthy of being loved – exactly as you are.”

When I’ve done that enough times, I can finally lay down the cardigan.

Question for you:
Can you see your own inner child?
What would you want to tell them – if you could speak today?

I write more about this in to heal you self.


Choosing a new sweater – and a new way of thinking

I’m trading that old cardigan for a soft wool sweater – one that warms instead of weighing me down.
The difference is, this sweater is one I’ve chosen myself.

It’s woven from awareness, responsibility, and gratitude.
From thoughts that strengthen rather than sting.

I can’t change what was, but I can change how I relate to it.
When old thoughts appear, I ask myself:
“Does this thought serve me right now?”

If the answer is no – I change it.
I choose a thought that brings warmth instead of cold.

Question for you:
Which thought would you like to start choosing more often?
One that makes you lighter, calmer – or simply more present right now?


Choosing to leave the victim role and live freely

Today, I choose happiness – not because everything is easy, but because I know I can.
I choose gratitude. I choose to meet myself with gentleness.

I no longer have to feel bad just because something once hurt.
Because now I know I have the right to feel good – despite it all.

When I decided to leave the victim role behind, life slowly began to feel lighter.

Right now, I sit here with coffee in hand and peace in my body.
I feel like my own best friend.

And that – that is freedom.


Reflection – Leaving the victim role in your own story

This is a text about outgrowing your history.
About no longer wearing the cardigan of the victim role, but instead choosing the sweater that truly warms.
To understand that it’s not what happened, but how we think about it, that shapes our day.

If you enjoy this kind of writing, you might also like Good Morning – What Do You Think About the New Layout?, where I write about how silence can teach us something about ourselves.


From my therapist training – a reflection

In my studies to become a certified counselor, I’m learning how thoughts, emotions, and bodily memories are intertwined.
When I write about leaving the victim role, it also mirrors what we practice in therapy – helping ourselves and others take responsibility for feelings, recognize triggers, and choose new ways of thinking.
Writing becomes my own conversation – a way to listen to myself and grow.

This text is about the courage to leave the victim role behind and embrace the possibility of living fully, here and now.

Between the Lines – What the Text Reveals

This is a text about the courage to see yourself without running away.
About daring to let go of what once felt safe, but now keeps you from moving forward.
It tells of how healing begins in something as quiet as a thought being replaced, a feeling being allowed to breathe, a choice made right here and now.

Between the lines, it is also about me – a woman who no longer carries her history as a burden, but as wisdom.
I have learned to leave the victim role without denying the pain.
To see it as a teacher, not a judge.
And it is in that stillness – between the coffee, the words, and the breath – that life truly happens.


malix.se/ Carina Ikonen Nilsson

“Yesterday’s cardigan might still hang there, breathing history – but it’s airing in today’s light and can change into the future.
Maybe it will be unraveled and knitted again, in today’s colors and feelings.”
— Carina Ikonen Nilsson


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Person wrapped in a towel sitting on a bench by a quiet lake on a frosty morning after a cold swim, calm air and still reflections in the water.

Living with Positive Psychology – as I See It

Living with positive psychology in everyday life is not about always being happy or pretending that everything is easy. It’s about seeing life with open eyes, meeting challenges with awareness, and choosing to focus on what truly works. Positive psychology in everyday life helps us create meaning, cultivate gratitude, and grow through both the small and the big moments of life.

Read this post in Swedish. ->Att leva med positiv psykologi – som jag ser det


What Positive Psychology Means to Me

Positive psychology isn’t about forcing happiness. For me, it’s a way of living – being present, taking responsibility for my thoughts and emotions, and understanding that life always holds both light and shadow. I may not control what happens, but I can choose how I relate to it.

By practising seeing what works and accepting what hurts, I create balance. It’s not about avoiding difficulties; it’s about finding strength through them.


PERMA – Five Elements of Well-Being

In positive psychology, there’s a concept called the PERMA model, describing five parts of well-being. I think of them as gentle reminders of what helps me feel grounded and alive.

Positive Emotions

Feeling joy and gratitude in daily life matters. It can be as simple as the smell of morning coffee, the stillness of a quiet house, or the way light finds its way through the curtains.

Engagement

When I write, paint, or swim in the lake, time disappears. I become part of the moment, completely absorbed in what I’m doing. That’s where engagement begins – in full presence.

Relationships

Relationships bring meaning to life. Meeting others with honesty, respect, and attentiveness builds trust. Real connection happens when we dare to show who we truly are.

Meaning

Meaning, to me, is living in the direction of what feels important. I find it when I can contribute, write, or connect with others in ways that feel genuine and true.

Accomplishment – to Achieve

Success doesn’t always mean doing something big. For me, it’s the quiet satisfaction of finishing what I’ve started – completing a piece of writing, a course task, or simply keeping up my morning routines. Small steps strengthen my confidence.

Not everything I begin gets finished, but when I do overcome the obstacles and reach the goal, the victory feels even greater. There’s a certain magic in completing something that once felt hard. The journey gives depth to the result, and that’s when I truly feel that I’ve succeeded – not because it’s perfect, but because I stayed with it until the end.


Gratitude and Presence in Everyday Life

Each morning begins with gratitude. I remind myself that I’ve been given a new day, that I get to drink my coffee in peace, and that I’m alive. Focusing on the small things creates a gentle foundation for the day ahead.

This morning, frost covered the ground and the grass crunched under my feet as I walked toward the lake. The air was sharp, and the water felt like glass against my skin. Yet there’s something in that cold that wakes the body completely.
When I step out of the water, the chill of the air meets me with a rush of pure life – the body tingles, awake and vibrant, as if every cell is singing. It’s a kind of addiction, the good kind, one that adds clarity, strength and joy to my days.

When I swim, no matter the season, the world slows down. The cold demands presence, the breath deepens, and silence takes over. It’s my own form of mindfulness, simple and real.

Living with positive psychology in everyday life is about choosing kindness in thought – meeting myself with compassion, even when things don’t go as planned.


Practising Every Day

I try to replace self-criticism with curiosity. When something doesn’t go as expected, I ask what it’s here to teach me.
Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t – but every attempt strengthens my ability to stay grounded in myself.

Growth isn’t about being strong all the time. It’s about getting back up, forgiving myself, and continuing with trust.


Choosing My Thoughts

Positive psychology in everyday life isn’t a shortcut to happiness. It’s about awareness.
Choosing my thoughts means taking responsibility for my inner climate. I can’t control everything that happens, but I can influence how I respond.
Each time I notice something good, each time I thank life for what I have, I slowly build inner peace.


Final Words

For me, positive psychology is like building muscles in the soul.
Every time I choose a thought that lifts instead of weighs me down, strength grows from within.
Small choices. Small steps.
And in the end – a path to walk.


Question for You

How do you invite gratitude, meaning and calm into your everyday life?

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malix.se/ Carina Ikonen Nilsson

What we did yesterday leaves traces in today.
We harvest what we sow.
It reminds me that every moment counts – even the smallest ones.
Yesterday rests in history, tomorrow waits ahead,
but right here, where we stand, are the breaths, the conversations, and life itself. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Kay Pollak blog – a misty morning by the lake with a wooden pier and a floating platform, a moment of reflection and meeting between words and nature.

When Words Find Their Echo – Kay Pollak and My Blog Journey

Sometimes, something small can make the whole day shine.
Yesterday, when I opened LinkedIn, I saw that Kay Pollak had liked my post — the one where I wrote about blog statistics and how numbers really tell stories about meetings between words and people.

Read this post in Swedish. ->När orden får gensvar – om möten, statistik och Kay Pollak

For a moment, I paused.
Not because a “like” is such a big thing, but because it came from someone whose words have followed me for years.
Someone who has reminded me that we choose our own thoughts, our perspectives, and our reactions.
He’s the voice in my head that keeps whispering that my happiness is my own responsibility — and that I create it by choosing thoughts that give me more joy.


When Numbers Become Stories

I’ve watched my blog’s statistics grow week by week. But when I look at the numbers now, I no longer see numbers.
I see encounters — small digital footprints of people who paused for a moment in my everyday life.
Maybe someone smiled. Maybe someone recognized themselves.

That’s what makes writing alive — when words land, awaken something, and become part of someone else’s thoughts.

And yesterday, when Kay Pollak pressed “like,” it became a symbol of exactly that.
A small confirmation that what I write truly reflects his message: that our thoughts create our world.


To Keep Choosing Joy

That small moment reminded me why I write.
Not for numbers, not for statistics — but for the conversation between the lines.
To share something genuine.
To create quiet meetings between people, even in the noise of the digital world.

So thank you, Kay. And thank you to everyone who reads.
You remind me that words have power — and that it’s always worth choosing joy, even in the smallest of ways.


On the Bridge Toward Stillness

I walk out on the wooden bridge toward the calm water — a moment of reflection and the meeting between words and silence.


A wooden pier stretching out into a softly waving sea – a moment of reflection, calm, and the meeting between words and silence.
A wooden pier stretching out into a softly waving sea – a moment of reflection, calm, and the meeting between words and silence.

About Kay Pollak’s Workshop – and My Own Choice

I know that Kay Pollak is currently holding a weekend workshop — one I’ve been thinking for a long time about joining.
It would have been exciting, to meet myself deeply in that space, where both words and silence speak equally strong.

But not this time.
Instead, I chose to invest in my training to become a conversation therapist, a decision I made just a few days ago.
Kay’s workshop was tempting, but it’s an expensive course, and right now my finances don’t allow for another investment.

Or perhaps it’s me who doesn’t allow it — because I’ve already chosen to put my resources into another kind of journey, one that’s also about understanding, meeting, and growing.

It feels a bit double. A part of me would have loved to sit there, in the middle of his workshop, listening and reflecting.
At the same time, I know that the path I’ve chosen now is mine — and that it too leads to a meeting with myself.
Maybe there will be more chances, maybe not. Kay is getting older, and I feel an ambivalence knowing I might miss the opportunity.
But for now, this is how life looks, and I choose to feel gratitude for what I do have the chance to do.
Still, it would have been such a beautiful thing to attend a workshop with Kay Pollak.


Reflection

Sometimes we don’t need grand gestures.
Sometimes, a single little click — a like — is enough to awaken something big inside.
It’s not about validation, but about recognition.
About understanding that what we send out into the world actually lands somewhere.
And it also reminds me that I carry a great responsibility for what I send out.


Question for You

When was the last time you had one of those small moments of joy — one that meant more than you first thought?


AHA – The Insight

It doesn’t take much to create meaning.
A single “like” can become a little lantern in the dark — a reminder that what we share truly reaches someone.
Maybe that’s how life works: we plant tiny seeds of words, thoughts, and warmth — and sometimes, when we least expect it, something blooms.


Between the Lines

Behind numbers, statistics, and blogs, there’s always a person who longs to be understood.
I don’t write to be seen, but to share something true.
And when someone — like Kay Pollak — sees that, it becomes a quiet “I understand.”
Right there, in that moment of recognition, something big happens.


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Closing Words

Morgondopp i sol och rykande sjö

Yesterday has already settled down in history, and tomorrow waits further ahead.
But right now — this is where life happens.
Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Kay Pollak Choose Happiness – Words That Have Become Vital in My Life

Kay Pollak choose happiness – two words that have become important in my life.
Here I share how his ideas on personal responsibility help me in everyday life: from messy breakfast mornings to the deeper pain of distance from my son and grandchildren. It’s a story about pausing, choosing your response, and creating your own joy.

Read this post in Swedish ->Kay Pollak välja lycka – när hans ord flyttar in i mig


At home we have paused our Storytel subscription for a while, which means I now listen to podcasts instead. Podcasts don’t paint long, poetic pictures like a book, but they give me something else – other people’s words and experiences. And sometimes that is exactly what I need.

Yesterday I chose my all-time favorite. I’ll write his name even though my husband might shake his head if he happened to read this: Kay Pollak. His voice has followed me for many years, and my husband has heard plenty of quotes from him.


Who Is Kay Pollak?

For those who don’t know: Kay Pollak is a Swedish author, lecturer and film director.
He is known for his thoughts on self-leadership, joy and inner freedom, expressed in books like Att välja glädje (Choose Joy) and Att växa genom möten (To Grow Through Encounters). He also directed the internationally acclaimed film As It Is in Heaven.

In his talks and books, he returns again and again to the same core insight:

We cannot decide what happens to us – but we can choose how we react.

It sounds simple. But for me, it has been life-changing.


Kay Pollak Choose Happiness in Everyday Life

When I first started listening to Kay Pollak, I learned to pause in the moment.

Sun rays breaking through dark clouds – symbol of Kay Pollak choose happiness and taking responsibility in life’s challenges.

Take a normal morning: I come home from work and find the kitchen counter full of crumbs, a butter pack left out. I used to get furious and take it personally – as if I were just the cleaning lady in my own home.

But when I let Kay Pollak’s words settle in, I could stop and think:
They must have had a stressful morning. How wonderful that the kids still had time for breakfast.
Maybe my husband was simply exhausted last night.

And you know what? It was so much easier to feel happy on the mornings when I thought kinder thoughts.

The same with my daughter on those days when she woke up in a storm and pressed every trigger I had. In the past I would react immediately. But when I saw the tiredness behind her frustration, I could choose another way to respond – exactly what she needed: a mother who looked beyond the behavior.


The Greatest Test – My Son and Grandchildren

This insight reaches far beyond morning routines.
The distance from my adult son hurts. I miss my grandchildren. Sometimes part of me wants to put blame somewhere. But deep down I know I never want to give him guilt. I want to love him – and I do. I wish him every happiness, even if I’m not part of his children’s lives.

I cannot control his choices. I can only choose my own attitude.
Choose to live.
Choose to be happy – even with longing in my heart.


Happiness as an Active Choice

It may sound unusual, but I truly believe I can choose whether to be happy or unhappy. Happiness is not just a feeling that happens to us. It is a choice I make again and again, in big and small things.

I can fill my life with what gives meaning – writing, painting, morning swims, and the community of those who are here.
That is my responsibility.

I cannot take responsibility for other people’s reactions,
but I can take responsibility for how I relate to them.


Questions for You

  • How do you think about choosing happiness in your own life?
  • Have you experienced how a different response completely changed a tough situation?
  • Is there someone whose words have moved into your life the way Kay Pollak’s words have into mine?

Feel free to share in the comments – your words might spark new thoughts for someone else.


Between the Lines – My Voice

Behind these words lies a quiet gratitude. I see how my patterns have been shaped by both inheritance and choice – and how freedom can begin in a single thought.
Taking responsibility for your own life is not about carrying everything alone, but about choosing how to meet what happens.


Reflection

In every choice of thought there is a small freedom. To pause, to breathe before the word or reaction comes, can change an entire day. This is not denying grief but carrying it with gentler hands. Kay Pollak’s words remind me that life can indeed feel lighter when I choose a softer response.


AHA – Between the Lines

Happiness is not something someone else can give. It is my own creation – in dishes left on the counter, in children who sometimes push away, in the deep longing for those I love. I can grieve and still choose joy. In that tension between pain and the will to live, freedom arises.


Höstbild från Kungshamn.

Yesterday has already laid itself to rest in history, and tomorrow waits somewhere ahead. But right now – this is where life happens.
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson


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FAQ – About Kay Pollak and Choosing Happiness

What does Kay Pollak mean by “choose happiness”?
He teaches that while we cannot control what happens, we can choose our response. By pausing and seeing situations differently, we can create more joy.

How have you applied his thoughts?
By pausing in everyday moments – like facing a messy kitchen or a child’s bad morning mood – and choosing a calmer response that leads to peace instead of conflict.

Can you really choose happiness when life hurts?
Yes. It doesn’t mean pain disappears. It means acknowledging grief without getting stuck. I carry the sorrow of distance from my son, but I choose to live and find joy.

Where can I learn more about Kay Pollak?
Check out his books such as Choose Joy (Att välja glädje) and To Grow Through Encounters (Att växa genom möten), available in bookstores, audiobooks and podcasts.
You can also visit Kay Pollak’s official website for more inspiration.

Goodbye Vallersvik – When a Campsite No Longer Feels Like Home

Read this post in English

Foreword

This post is about a technical issue that suddenly got fixed, about the curiosity that drives me – and about camping experiences that have changed.
It’s a story about listening to your gut, claiming your space in your own story, and sometimes simply letting go of what no longer feels right.

Did you read the post I wrote about the KonMari method? I shared it yesterday, but the SSL issue got in the way. Here’s the link to the post.

Me and My Stubbornness – and Maybe a Bit of AI

Yes! It’s working again. The SSL certificate is finally in place, and the site is secure.
Whether it was Loopia who solved it or me – with some early morning energy and the help of AI – I honestly don’t know. I tinkered and tested, curious as I am. And suddenly… it worked.

No one from Loopia has called me back yet, even though they promised.
But that doesn’t matter – now it’s secure, and I’m happy.

The ADHD Gene That Won’t Give Up

I think it was my ADHD gene kicking in. That stubbornness.
I don’t give up when something feels like it should be fixable. And sometimes, yes – it actually is.

Thank you, curiosity. Thank you, restlessness. Thank you, the drive to understand even when I don’t fully know what I’m doing.

One Last Time in Vallersvik?

This morning we woke up at Vallersvik Camping.
We’ve gone there every year, but now… no. I think this was the last time.

It felt like motorhomes are no longer welcome there.
We asked for a spot down by the water – where we usually camp. But apparently, that’s now only for caravans.
We were sent up to the top of the campsite. Tight space, no room, no charm.

The first pitch we got was so small we didn’t even fit. We had to switch, but the new one wasn’t much better.
We barely had room for the awning – and the clouds above were heavy with the promise of rain.

Higher Prices and Less Hospitality

The campsite has raised its prices significantly. But the service hasn’t followed suit.
The toilets and showers are far from high standard, and the staff we met yesterday were not accommodating.
Which one might expect at this price level.

The sea, of course, is still there. But that’s not thanks to the campsite.

Honestly, seasonal campers should be placed higher up – it’s us short-term visitors who pay more.
And we want to feel welcome. That sense of welcome was missing – and we heard the same from other guests.

Goodbye Vallersvik – Hello Trollhättan

We left early this morning. Now we’re at Stenröset Camping in Trollhättan.
There’s plenty of space, a large motorhome pitch, and access to a pool.
The little guy loves pools – so we’ll soon be swimming. I’m about to change and jump in.

Yesterday, though… the sea was magical.
The waves crashed around us, foamy and wild.
No jellyfish, over 20°C – and a feeling of freedom in every breath.

But sometimes, you choose what works best for everyone.
And right now, that’s here – with sunshine, a waiting pool, and enough room to breathe.

Closing Words

Some places change. Others grow.
I’m taking the memory of the waves’ power with me – but I’m leaving Vallersvik behind.
Maybe for good.

AHA

I’m not looking for perfection.
I’m looking for a place to stand still.
And sometimes, that means leaving something behind –
to find your way home somewhere else – in yourself, in the present, in new waters.

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Final Reflection

Maybe it’s exactly when you let go of how things used to be that something new can show up.
Stenröset isn’t new, really – here, you know what you get.
The facilities are clean, the staff is friendly, and the welcome is real – even if you arrive with a motorhome.
Here, everything is just as it should be.

Yesterday has already settled into history. Tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is the moment we live and breathe in.
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson

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