Etikett: relationships

Preface
This post is about the late summer slowly approaching, about motorhome life, and about carrying both joy and longing at the same time.
It’s about missing grandchildren, about living with distance in the family – and about love that remains even when paths separate.

When Summer Begins to Fade

Here I am again, in our motorhome. I write as I usually do, but the feeling is different now.
It’s no longer the sparkling energy of spring. Summer is beginning to retreat, even if I don’t want to admit it.
The truth is: we are closer to autumn than to the full bloom of summer.

Autumn can be beautiful in its own way, but I miss those warm evenings that invite quiet joy.
Still, summer is not over yet. There are days left to live, and I remind myself not to give up on them too soon.

An Unexpected Visit and a Quiet Thought

We will stay here at the campsite for another day.
Today I learned that my husband’s brother will visit – a little surprise. It will be nice to meet him.

Yet, other thoughts swirl quietly in the background.

On Instagram, I saw photos of my grandchildren, happy and full of life.
I smiled seeing them laugh, yet my heart felt a small ache.
These are the moments I long to share – but for now, I am a grandmother at a distance.

Sometimes it feels as if the world keeps moving without me.
Life doesn’t always turn out as we wish, but the longing is still there.
Hugo has grown taller, Emilia looks ready to conquer the world, and Alfred I sometimes get to hold close when life allows it.

What carries me is love – it remains, even when I must love from afar.

A Mother’s Love Never Ends

There is nothing I can do to change the situation right now.
All I can do is keep wishing them happiness.

My greatest hope is not for life to go back to the way it was, but for everyone to be well.
I hope my son has a life where he can breathe, laugh, and feel that he chose what was best for him and his children.

I am his mother, and I love him more than words can hold.
That love remains, no matter the distance.

Between the Lines – My Voice

Between the lines, I want to say this:

I am a mother and grandmother carrying both pain and love in the same breath.
I do not shy away from what hurts, but I do not write out of bitterness.
I write to understand, to remain standing, and to keep loving.

And perhaps I also write for you who recognize yourself in these words.
We are more than one carrying this quiet sorrow.
We carry it together – even if we carry it apart.

Reflection

Sometimes, life is about daring to stand in love, even when it is not returned.
I cannot control other people’s choices, but I can choose to keep loving my grandchildren – quietly, from the heart, at a distance.
And maybe, that is enough until the day our paths meet again.

Grief follows no rules. There is no manual for how to handle being cut off .
But it is possible to keep loving, even when the relationship is broken.
To stand in love, even when you get nothing in return.
It’s possible to love – even when love becomes a one-way street.

”Yesterday has already laid itself to rest in history. Tomorrow waits ahead. But right now – this is where life is happening.”
– Carina Ikonen Nilsson

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A Day in July – With Pancakes, Reflections and Summer Heat

Av Carina Ikonen Nilsson

den 19 juli 2025

i Recept & matglädje, Vardag & familjeliv

Morning before departure

Swedish Version

Today we’re heading out with our little LVL^2. There’s a pleasant feeling in my body – a sense of well-earned rest. Maybe it’s because the laundry baskets are empty. That doesn’t happen often. I don’t know how many loads I did yesterday, but it turned into a full laundry day. And still, we managed to fit in a swim.

Not the refreshing, cold dip I often long for. The lake at home was warm – almost body temperature. I didn’t even feel cold getting in. But the kids enjoyed it – and so did I. Even though I was in the water almost as long as they were, I still felt warm when I got out. But I also felt grateful. Swimming together is its own kind of quiet luxury. Though mostly, I just swam on my own.

Have you ever felt that?
When life is overflowing with things to do, but still feels strangely empty? Maybe those small moments – a swim, an empty laundry basket – are where life happens most clearly.

Thirty kilometers in blazing sun

Later in the morning, my brother and his daughter arrived. They had biked all the way from Uddevalla – 30 kilometers in blazing sunshine. The temperature reached 27–30 degrees. I’m impressed. Also, a little worried. I would’ve passed out halfway.

But my brother has always been determined. He once biked all the way to Gothenburg. I suppose it runs in the family – because when our grandfather was young, he and his brothers used to cycle from Gothenburg to Uddevalla every weekend. They worked until 1 PM on Saturdays, then hopped on their bikes to spend Sunday with their parents. Would anyone do that today? I doubt it. These days, people train for the sake of training – not to visit their parents.

Do you think we’ve become too comfortable?
Or are we just showing love in different ways today?

A pancake worth remembering

After the swim, I got the idea to make a gluten-free oven pancake. I’ve tried many times before – but it’s never really turned out right. That fluffy, firm texture has always been missing. But yesterday… it worked.

I found a recipe from Det glutenfria köket (The Gluten-Free Kitchen) and made a double batch. I left out the bacon since we were having it with ice cream. The pancake turned out exactly the way I hoped. We ate it with queen’s jam and vanilla ice cream. The kids devoured it like they’d never seen food before. And I… I just sat there, enjoying the fact that I pulled it off. It had that soft, fluffy texture – just like I remember from my mother’s kitchen.

Recipe – Gluten-Free Oven Pancake

You’ll need:
– 4 eggs
– 3 dl gluten-free flour mix (like Finax Red or Semper Mix)
– 4 dl milk
– 1 tsp psyllium husk
– 1 tsp baking powder
– A pinch of salt
– 1 pack of bacon or smoked ham (optional)

How to make it:

Preheat oven to 220°C (428°F).
Whisk a bit more than half of the milk together with flour mix, psyllium husk, baking powder, and salt.
Add eggs one at a time while whisking.
Pour in the rest of the milk. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes.
If using bacon – dice and pre-bake it in the baking dish for 10 minutes.
Pour the batter into the dish and bake for 30–40 minutes in the center of the oven.

Serve with jam and ice cream – and a cup of coffee if you like.

Evening with cheese, crackers, and card games

Later that evening, my daughter and her partner came by. She had called earlier and asked if we could have cheese and crackers. I said yes right away. There’s something about those kinds of evenings – simple, yet deeply meaningful. We sat out on the patio playing cards until the dark slowly settled in. I wasn’t exactly a champion at the games, but I did win with my laughter – and my “fult ord”.

(Now, I don’t actually say a lot of bad words. I say “fult ord” – which literally means “bad word.” The boys at work thought that was hilarious and joked that whenever I said it, they’d mentally insert an actual swear word. But after a few months, they all started saying “fult ord” too. It became our thing.)

Have you ever felt that someone is doing something just to ease your pain?
It’s beautiful – but also fragile. What happens when we realize we need to carry our own grief?

But in the middle of all that warmth and joy, a thought crept in. One I’ve been carrying for a while. I don’t want my daughter to come just because our son doesn’t. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to fill a void or be a comfort. That emptiness – that’s ours to deal with.

I’ve spoken to her about these thoughts. And I hope she comes to us because she truly wants to – not out of guilt or responsibility for something she can’t fix.

And yet… I’m so grateful that she does come. That we have these evenings. Together.

Thoughts on faith – and a question from my neighbor

Before I end, I want to share a short clip from my neighbor’s YouTube channel. She makes sweet little educational films for children – but sometimes, she speaks to us grown-ups too. Today she asks: Can we live without religion?

I don’t know. I think many people in Sweden live without God in the traditional sense. But I believe we all still believe – in something. Karma, nature, kindness, purpose. I believe goodness creates more goodness – that kind acts ripple out into the world.

Faith has always been part of humanity. People have always needed to believe in something bigger – a reason to keep going. Our ancestors had gods long before priests came. Vikings, cave dwellers, everyone had their form of belief.

As for me – I go to church once a year. On Christmas Eve. For the songs, for the peace. I wouldn’t call myself religious. But maybe I am, in my own way.

Watch the clip here
Take a moment. Reflect.

Do you need something bigger to believe in?
What holds your thoughts when the world feels too large – or too empty?

Reflection

This was a day full of sun, swimming, food, family and thoughts. A day where the heat pressed down, but my heart opened. A day that tasted like pancake, smelled of sun-warmed skin – and left something to quietly ponder.