Motivating circumstances and invisible support start long before the lesson begins. Whether Oskar has slept well, eaten breakfast, suffers from a headache, or carries worry with him – all of it shapes what the day will bring. In this part of the Oskar Series, I want to highlight how adults can read the daily form, find the core of motivation, and be the invisible support that truly makes a difference.
In the previous parts of the Oskar Series, I wrote about children’s unique strengths (Part 1) and about how small everyday demands, like tying shoelaces, can overshadow what really matters (Part 2). Now I want to take the next step and talk about something I often repeat when I lecture:
Motivation Beats Class
Already in Freud’s time, it was said: without motivation, we do nothing. This is just as true today. All the methods, rules, and lesson plans in the world don’t matter if the child doesn’t feel motivated.
For Oskar, it is never enough that adults say “you have to.” He needs a reason. And that reason must come from within himself – his interests, his daily form, and his energy.
When we find his motivation, we also find Oskar.
Pencil drawing of a child in a hoodie sitting quietly by the water – a symbol of Oskar’s need for motivating circumstances and invisible support
Understanding Motivating Circumstances and Invisible Support
Oskar’s energy doesn’t start in the classroom. It starts the evening before. Did he sleep well or was he awake half the night? Did he eat breakfast or come to school hungry? Does he have a headache, or did the morning begin with conflict at home?
All these small details become motivating circumstances. They determine whether he can tie his shoes, take part in group work, or even enter the classroom.
That means we adults need to be curious about Oskar every single day. What is he carrying with him today? Sometimes this information even needs to come earlier – through good collaboration between home and school. When teachers know that the night was restless or breakfast ended in chaos, they can adjust their expectations and responses.
Understanding daily form is not about giving excuses – it is about giving us, the adults, the opportunity to adapt and provide the right invisible support.
Motivation as a Bridge
Motivation can never be forced. But we can find it in Oskar’s interests – world records, facts, statistics. When we use those, motivation becomes a bridge between his world and ours.
Instead of saying: “You have to join P.E.”, we can say: “Could you measure the jumps and keep the statistics?”
Suddenly, Oskar is involved – in his own way.
Invisible Support – and the Relationship as the Foundation
Invisible support is most important when the daily form is at its lowest. When everything has gone wrong, when his energy is gone, and when Oskar no longer has the strength to try.
That support doesn’t say: “You failed again.” It says: “That was an attempt. Let’s try again.”
Sometimes it means just sitting beside him. Sometimes it means being a playmate – because learning also happens through games and moments of play.
But no matter the form, one thing is more important than all else: the relationship. Without a relationship, no method or manual will work. The relationship is A and O – the starting point for both safety and motivation.
Questions for You as a Reader
Do you believe motivation is more important than demands – or are there things every child must learn?
Have you seen a child grow when someone embraced their interest?
How can adults become better at recognizing when it is the right day – and when it is not?
Between the Lines
This is not about shoelaces or rules. It is about daring to see the child and ask: What makes you want to?Motivating circumstances and invisible support are not requirements – they are keys.
Reflection
We cannot control a child’s daily form. But we can control our response. And when we find motivation, we also find the paths that both we and the child can walk together.
Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow is waiting in the distance. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
FAQ – The Oskar Series Part 3
What do motivating circumstances mean? They are the conditions that make a child able and willing to participate. For Oskar, it could be having slept well, eaten breakfast, or avoiding a headache. It also requires curious adults and collaboration between home and school.
Why is motivation more important than demands? Because without motivation, nothing happens. Demands may create resistance, while motivation opens doors to learning, participation, and growth.
What does “Motivation beats class” mean? It reminds us that even the best classroom and the best teaching will miss the mark if the child lacks motivation. Motivation is always the foundation for learning.
How can Oskar be supported through invisible support? By being present even when things fall apart. It could mean sitting quietly nearby, playing a game, or saying: “That was an attempt – let’s try again.” Above all, it is built on relationship.
Att vara mormor och farmor – mellan närhet och saknad, symboliserat av en brygga ut mot havet.
Being a grandma sometimes means balancing – standing on the pier, feeling the wind, and daring to hope for what can be built ahead…
Autumn is here to stay. When I wake up it’s dark, just like today at 5:20 in the morning. Yesterday was filled with both laughter and heavier feelings. Being a grandma means living right in the middle of it all – with pancakes, card games and hugs, but also with the longing for what is not possible.
Yesterday afternoon Alfred was here again, and of course we played cards. That little man doesn’t like it at all when grandma wins. Yesterday he suddenly asked me what I used to work with.
I told him that right now I don’t have a job I need to travel to every day. “But before then, grandma, what did you do?” he asked. I explained that I worked with young people and children who couldn’t live with their parents. He thought it was sad for the children who couldn’t stay with their mom and dad.
I told him that yes, it can be sad, but they don’t have a choice. When they couldn’t live with their parents, they got to play cards with grandma and her colleagues. He thought it was a strange job. I tried to explain that there were many other things too – that it was a bit like life itself: you talk, eat meals together, and when someone is sad or angry you take care of it.
Then Alfred said it was good that I had worked with that kind of thing, because “there’s no one better at comforting than my grandma.”
I’d call that a top grade for a grandma. The fact that she also makes pancakes with ice cream – although you have to taste the soup she cooks on Thursdays – was also good. But, it would have been even better with only pancakes. The rule is: if it’s pancakes, you must taste the soup, but you don’t have to finish it.
And today Alfred finishes school very early, already at 11. I get to pick him up again – and we’ll share another afternoon together.
Yesterday we went to drop off gifts for one of the grandchildren who had a birthday. The situation was a bit unusual, but when you turn a year older you should of course be celebrated – birthdays deserve presents.
There were many packages, mostly pens and crayons because she’s so good at drawing. Two little kittens ran around the house and brightened the moment. The visit was short, but both my husband and I got hugs. My daughter was there too and she also had gifts with her.
I wish our relationship could be more everyday – that I could take her out for coffee, help with homework or pick her up from school. Just as I can do with Alfred. But right now life doesn’t look like that. Still, it was wonderful to see her, even though it hurt when we drove home again.
My little princess of a grandchild – the moment was short, but the memory will last long. And there was also the quiet longing for the little chubby one, who wasn’t even home this time. He too is in my heart, just as much, even when we don’t see each other.
When Alfred asked about my work, it reminded me why it’s so important that there are adults who step in when parents can’t. For children it’s often hard, but also necessary. Organizations like BRIS and Save the Children share more about children’s rights and support.
Between the Lines – My Voice
Between card games and pancakes, between hugs and distance, lies my story. What I’m really saying is: I love all my grandchildren, but the path to them looks different. With Alfred there’s everyday closeness. With the princess and the little chubby one, there’s longing and what I don’t get to share.
Reflection
Perhaps this is what life is – full of contrasts. One moment warmed by a boy’s words that I’m the best at comforting. The next, aching with the pain of not being able to share everyday life with the others.
Question for You
Have you ever stood in that feeling of both closeness and distance – of joy and longing at the same time?
Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow waits further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Frequently Asked Questions about Being a Grandma
What does it mean to be a grandma? It often means being close to your grandchildren – sharing play, everyday moments, hugs, and conversations.
What is the best part of being a grandma? The joy of the small things: playing cards, making pancakes, going for walks, or simply being present.
Can a grandma feel longing or absence? Yes, sometimes grandchildren are not always nearby. That longing is part of the love – it shows how important the relationship really is.
This post was meant to be about gratitude, but the words took a detour through ADHD, blog categories, and a quiet sunrise. Sometimes, all you can do is follow where the words want to go.
Sunrise and Sleeplessness
This morning, I witnessed a sunrise. Sure, I often wake up early – but today it was very early. I don’t sleep well here in the camper, and I miss my bed at home. Writing that makes me feel ungrateful. Not everyone has a camper to sleep badly in. I try to remind myself to be thankful – for the freedom, the quiet, and the fact that we can go wherever we want, whenever we want.
Next Trip Already Planned
Yesterday, my husband started planning our next little trip. It’s already happening this Thursday – a visit to Borås Zoo with Alfred, his mom, and her partner. They’ll go for the day, but we’ll bring the camper and maybe stay longer. I think he’s planning something bigger, but first stop: Borås.
Structure, Blogging and ADHD – A Tangle Searching for Order
Yesterday I sat here, tinkering with my blog. Trying to organize it. I’ve started adding categories to make it easier to navigate. Old posts from 2009 to 2013 are now in their own group – like a little time capsule. Some posts are treasures, others… well. But I won’t delete them. I’m trying to see them with kind eyes – and I hope you will too.
Structuring a blog when you have ADHD isn’t exactly smooth sailing. For me, it’s like trying to clean a room while someone keeps moving the furniture around in my head. ADHD affects focus, impulse control, time management, and staying power. Starting is easy – finishing, not so much. And the “red thread”? More like a yarn tangle.
Still – this blog has shown my persistence. I’ve written for so many years, about so many things. Maybe my ADHD shows up here too: I follow impulses, the words come fast, I jump between topics. But I keep going. That is a kind of structure. Maybe not the traditional kind, but mine. With AI’s help, I can now make more sense of it – even if it still means hours of staring confusedly at the screen.
ADHD in Everyday Life: ADHD affects executive function – planning, impulse control, emotional regulation – but it also brings creativity, intense focus (sometimes), and rich emotional depth. For many, including me, it’s not just a diagnosis. It’s a way of being in the world.
Heading Home – and Longing for Coffee
Today, we’re heading back home. Time to pack up, unpack the camper, do laundry, and check in on the greenhouse and my little garden. I’m looking forward to sitting under the pavilion and writing there instead of under our camper’s awning.
And the coffee. Oh, how I miss my coffee machine. Out here, it’s just regular drip coffee – even if I grind the beans myself. It’s not the same. Sure, I can froth the milk even in the camper – but who has the energy for that first thing in the morning? It’s a plain cup with a bit of milk. Nothing like the real deal at home.
Callouts – let me ask you…
Do you struggle with creating structure in your everyday life – especially with ADHD? What does gratitude mean to you, especially on days when everything feels off? Have you ever read your old writing with kind eyes?
Reflection
Sometimes it’s all a bit much. Gratitude that rubs against exhaustion. Longing for my bed and my coffee machine. But also – a sunrise I would have missed if I’d been sleeping deeply. It hits me that life doesn’t have to be either-or. Maybe it gets to be both. Maybe, somewhere in the middle of all the mess, that’s where I’m most myself.
Yesterday already rests in the pages of history. Tomorrow waits somewhere down the road. But right now – this is where life happens. – Carina Ikonen Nilsson
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Introduction: Today I’m sitting outside under the pavilion, writing. Breakfast is beside me, and the last cup of coffee for the day serves as a drink for my sandwich. A sandwich with avocado and cucumber from our greenhouse. That cucumber really tasted like cucumber – not like those watered-down green sticks from the store.
In this moment, life feels simply delightful and beautiful. The sun is shining, and the sky is clear blue. It’s been so long since it was this blue. I don’t even feel the slightest breeze – everything is just still, lovely and full of flavor. At least the sandwich is.
My plan is to spend this day in the slope at home, in the garden. We’ll see how much energy I have. I’ll do what I feel like, and then I intend to enjoy this sunny day in my own way – by just being and doing almost nothing more than soaking up the sun.
Hanging laundry is, of course, a must on a day like this. As soon as my husband got out of bed, I went and removed the bed linens. They’re drying in the sun – which is where linens truly belong, at least in my world. They smell so wonderful after being hung outside, and it’s such a lovely feeling to be able to hang laundry in the fresh air.
The Right to Sleep Clean and Safe
That – hanging sheets outside, smelling their freshness, and going to bed in clean, sun-dried linens – should be a human right.
There are children, even here in Sweden, who don’t even have proper bedding in their beds. Children who have never experienced the feeling of being freshly showered, then crawling into a clean, freshly made bed with duvets that have aired or dried in the sun.
It should absolutely be a parental responsibility to give a child the opportunity to feel those things. To feel clean, safe and cared for. That sense of security often lives in the smallest details.
Garden Evening Vibes
Already yesterday evening, the weather showed signs of what today would bring. It was warm and light outside. My husband and I both got into the mood. We spent some time walking around the garden.
He worked on his things, and I removed overgrown lettuce, picked some freshly harvested carrots and hung another bouquet of oregano to dry. I checked on the tomatoes and cucumbers – something has happened, because the flowers that were supposed to become cucumbers have withered and died.
The cucumber flowers have started to wither before turning into fruit – any idea what could be causing it?
Education for the Little Ones – with Joy and Care
While sitting here in the sun with my coffee in hand, my thoughts turned to my neighbor. She’s one of those people who truly make a difference – quietly but meaningfully.
On her YouTube channel, she creates short educational videos for children. Small clips where she talks about the body, the environment and animals – always with a pedagogical intention, aimed at young children.
What’s especially wonderful is that she includes questions in her videos – questions children are meant to answer. It’s thoughtful, playful and inspiring. You can feel the care and genuine intention behind it. A channel made for the little ones, with a big heart.
Click on “Video” to watch the films she creates.
I’m going to continue this day right here – with the sun on my back and the scent of freshly dried laundry in the air. That’s enough. That’s more than enough. I wish you a beautiful day, where you get everything you need from your hours.
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
“Live today, right now. Yesterday rests in history, and tomorrow is waiting somewhere in the distance. Right now is what matters.”
Reflection
It’s in the small things that the big ones live. A sandwich with cucumber from the greenhouse. The scent of laundry in the breeze. A child’s voice answering a question in an educational film.
It may not look like much to the world – but to someone, it’s everything.
Question for you
What does your perfect summer day look like – the kind where nothing really happens, but everything feels right? Feel free to leave a comment below – I read every single one. And if you prefer, you’re welcome to contact me privately.
Here are a few things you might reflect on:
What everyday moments mean the most to you right now?
Can you remember the last time you climbed into sun-dried sheets – how did it feel?
What simple luxuries do you think all children should experience?
How do you create a sense of safety in the small things – for yourself or others?
What gives you that true summer feeling?
Do you have a quiet place of your own where you can simply be?
The day started well before five, with a cup of coffee and some bread baking. Since I had prepared the dry ingredients the night before, it only took five minutes to get the dough ready. Baking bread is something I truly enjoy – the little extra effort is always worth it. That smell of freshly baked bread filling the kitchen sets the tone for the entire day.
There was no morning swim today, since we had to leave early. If I had thought ahead, we might have traveled the day before and stayed at a hotel, which would have made the morning easier. But that thought only came to me as I was heading to bed. Well, sometimes you just have to take things as they come.
Along the Road to Stenungsund
In the early hours, after many miles on the road, we finally stopped for a much-needed coffee break in Stenungsund. That cup was essential for keeping my energy up, and with a sandwich in hand, things felt a little lighter. Although, to be fair, the sandwich wasn’t for me but for our little one.
After that, the trip went smoothly, and we arrived on time at our destination. Right now, I’m sitting in a spacious lobby filled with small sofas and lounge chairs – the perfect environment for writing and reflecting. My body is still a bit sore after yesterday’s massage, with small bruises here and there, but that usually fades after a day or two.
Living with Dyslexia and ADHD
Now, I want to share something close to my heart – living with dyslexia and ADHD in everyday life.
You know, that difficulty with reading and writing. Sometimes, I notice that there’s a sense of shame tied to dyslexia. I don’t usually talk about it openly, and I think many others do the same. Reading aloud is something I tend to avoid, but writing – that I still do, in my own way.
I often replace words with others, simply because I don’t know how to spell them. In a way, that has expanded my vocabulary, since I’m always searching for words that are easier to spell but still say exactly what I mean. The computer and its tools have been a lifesaver for me – especially AI programs that help me keep the red thread in my writing. ADHD makes my thoughts jump between topics, and here AI has been a great support.
Dyslexia in Daily Life and Work
For me, dyslexia is a disability – or, if you prefer, a functional impairment. It affects so many situations, like when I’m expected to read aloud or take notes in meetings. That’s when it feels like a real obstacle.
But in some contexts, it can also be a resource. With children who haven’t learned to read yet, I can adapt stories and tailor them to their level. Storytel has also opened a whole new world for me. Listening to books instead of reading them allows me to enjoy literature in a way that works for me – I’ve finally discovered authors and works without feeling left out.
Instructions, however, remain a challenge. Shorter, spoken directions would probably work better – but my high pace often makes me skim past details.
Closing Words: Understanding and Support
Dyslexia isn’t always visible to others, but for those of us living with it, support from the people around us is invaluable. Understanding the challenges and using the tools that exist can make a huge difference in how we manage daily life.
So, as I write these words, I hope more people gain insight into what dyslexia means – and that it’s something you can live with and even find strength in.
Now, the tiredness is starting to catch up with me, and I feel the need to go outside for some fresh air. Thank you for reading – and have a wonderful day!
Between the Lines – My Voice
This post says something deeper: about the courage to show vulnerability. About how shame often hides behind silence – but also how strength can grow when you dare to share.
Reflection
Living with dyslexia and ADHD is not only about struggle. It’s also about finding new ways. Perhaps our challenges hold the seeds of our unexpected strengths.
Afterword
Question for you as a reader: Do you have personal experience with dyslexia or ADHD – and what strategies have helped you manage daily life?
A morning on the move, bread baking, dyslexia and ADHD. Different pieces of daily life – yet together they form a whole.
A day by the water – sunglasses and summer vibes
Yesterday has already settled into history, tomorrow is still waiting. But right now – this is where life happens.
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