ADHD and school have been a struggle for decades.
This is a post I first wrote in 2008 – and it is still painfully relevant today.
Read this post in Swedish ->ADHD och skolan – när bemötande gör hela skillnaden
Originally published August 10, 2008.
Shared again because it is still urgent.
This is an older text.
I wrote it on my very first blog, Malix – yes, I actually did it, many years ago.
When I read it today, I am struck by how little has truly changed.
The discussions are the same.
The exhaustion is the same.
And many children still carry the impact inward – sometimes even more than before.
I am letting parts of the original text remain as they were.
Not because everything is perfect –
but because it is honest.
Back then, I didn’t know why I was writing.
I only knew that I needed to.
Today, when I reread it, I see something I didn’t yet have words for:
a mother trying to protect her child,
a woman writing to survive,
and an early attempt to name what would later be called ADHD, attachment, and emotional safety.
From my old writing
One day, my husband told me that I blogged because I wanted to be seen.
I didn’t reach the same conclusion.
I wasn’t even sure why I wrote, or for whom.
What I knew was this: I probably wrote mostly for myself.
If someone else happened to read it, that was fine.
Even before computers, I carried notebooks filled with sentences and thoughts.
When my son was little, I sometimes wrote bedtime stories just for him.
Writing was never about attention.
It was about making sense of what felt overwhelming.
ADHD and school, and the Fight to Be Seen
I have written many posts about ADHD because it is part of my history.
I have shouted.
I have argued.
I have been furious when my son was not understood in the school system.
I tried to explain, to discuss, to make teachers see my child – not just the behaviors they experienced as problems.
I was terrified that he would grow up carrying the same feeling of worthlessness I brought with me from my own school years.
My goal as a mother has always been to give my children self-worth and courage.
I have not always succeeded.
I have not always had the strength.
But I have tried – and I still try.
What breaks my heart is how often knowledge and support are still lacking for these children.
Why does it happen again and again that children who do not fit the mold struggle in school?
Why is a child with “ants in their legs” so often met with correction instead of understanding?
Why can seven teachers see the same child – and see completely different things?
What is a problem for one teacher becomes a strength for another.
When Response Matters More Than Method ADHD and school
I once asked my son’s main teacher why some teachers had constant conflicts with him while others had none at all.
The reports were always the same:
He disrupts.
He talks too loudly.
He cannot sit still.
He loses focus.
Yet other teachers described him as intelligent, thoughtful, and insightful.
The difference was not my son.
The difference was the adults.
The teachers who managed him well saw the whole child.
They were aware of his difficulties – but they focused on what worked.
They reinforced his strengths.
They were consistent.
They were respectful.
Those teachers deserve credit for the foundation he carries into adulthood today.
It was never about better methods.
It was about response.
Reflection Today ADHD and school
Reading this now, I see that I was writing out of anger, fear, and grief.
But also out of love.
Today I have more tools.
More language.
More stability.
But the core remains the same:
Children – and adults – need to be seen, not corrected into silence.
And writing?
It was never about being visible.
It was about survival.
About understanding.
About holding on to what was true.
Between the Lines
This is not a text about school as a system.
It is a text about what happens inside a child when they are not seen.
Between the lines, there is a mother trying to stay together so her child can stay together.
Words, looks, tone – they shape more than grades.
They shape self-worth.
They shape courage.
They shape identity.
When a child repeatedly hears that they are “too much,” “too loud,” or “wrong,”
eventually the child begins to carry that message internally.
That is what hurts.
And that is why this text still matters.
Safe Circles and Emotional Safety
When I now write about Safe Circles – green (safety), blue (performance), red (threat) – I see clearly where this story belongs.
My child moved between blue and red at school:
Blue – trying to adapt and perform.
Red – stress, shame, feeling wrong.
The teachers who made a difference offered green safety.
They were not threatened in their professional role.
They were not activated into stress or power struggles.
They stayed regulated.
And that changed everything.
Without green safety – in school, relationships, or life – children are torn between performance and fear.
ADHD and school are not primarily about discipline.
They are about safety.
A Necessary Reflection for Adults in School
Sometimes a child who does not fit the expected mold activates something in the adult.
Stress.
Loss of control.
A sense of failure.
In CFT terms, the adult may be in their red circle.
When support is lacking, that stress can easily be redirected outward:
Instead of:
“I need help, more knowledge, or more resources.”
It becomes:
“There is something wrong with this child.”
This is not written to blame.
It is written to invite reflection.
Because when adults’ stress, fear, or unprocessed experiences are placed on a child,
the child always pays the price.
Not in grades.
But in self-worth.
One Final Question – For You Who Work in School
If you recognize yourself in the stress, irritation, or helplessness that arises when a child does not adapt,
I want to ask one question:
What is being activated in you at that moment –
and who carries the responsibility for it?
Children do not need more adults who win power struggles.
They need adults who can pause,
notice their own reaction,
and take responsibility for it.
Yesterday has already come to rest in history.
Tomorrow waits further ahead.
But right now – this is where life happens
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Each post listed above links to the Swedish original, and within each post you’ll find a link to read it in English too.
– Trygga cirklar i livet – grön trygghet, blå prestation och röd stress
– Att leva med ADHD när energin inte räcker
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