– when the world is icy and responsibility shapes family life
Autism in everyday life means that life does not always go as planned.
Sometimes the roads are icy, sometimes swimming has to wait – and often family life requires more sensitivity than ready-made templates.
This is a text about doing your best, for real, and about adapting without diminishing.
Read this post in Swedish →Autism i vardagen
The swimming pool has to wait
Today I had planned to go to the swimming pool.
But right now the road looks icy, and I have to wait until the world wakes up a little. Maybe the roads will look better in a few hours.
Maybe not.
And then I’ll skip swimming today.
Schoolwork
Instead, I’m sitting with a school assignment. A submission that is quite large and takes time.
I want to do a good job. I want to get many answers right. Not have to redo it. That means doing the work properly from the start, I think.
Or is it my old “good girl syndrome” showing up again?
I don’t think so.
I want to do the work – and I want to do it well. Not even for the points themselves, but because I want to truly understand what I’m writing about. The points are more like a receipt. Proof that I can do it.
But my days are not spent only studying.
There is a life to take care of as well.
And swimming is part of that. It helps me hold together everyday life, my thoughts, and my body. That’s why it matters when it doesn’t happen – even when staying home is the right choice.
A birthday again – our way
Today we’re celebrating a birthday again at home.
Our adult son who still lives with us is turning another year older.
It’s more difficult now. Harder to find things he wants, harder to find ways to celebrate him. And this is largely about autism.
For him, gifts are not neutral.
Clothes are not just about size or style, but about how the fabric feels against the skin. Whether seams rub. Whether the material disturbs. Food and cake are not obvious parts of a celebration – sugar, textures, and flavors may be completely excluded.
That doesn’t mean he is ungrateful or difficult.
It means his nervous system experiences the world differently.
Maybe a day in town could work. That he comes along and tries on clothes that we pay for.
He rarely goes out, and therefore celebrations need to be adapted. Not made smaller – just different.
He doesn’t eat candy. No sugar.
So cake is excluded as well.
This weekend his grandmother is coming to visit. Then it will feel a bit more like a traditional celebration.
In our way. At a pace that works.
And maybe that’s exactly how celebrating should sometimes look –
not according to a template, but according to the person.
When autism in everyday life is part of the family, celebrations, gifts, and tempo need to be adapted – not to lower expectations, but to meet reality.
Autism in everyday life – also in adulthood
Autism does not disappear with age.
It changes, is adapted to, compensated for – but it remains.
In everyday life, this may include:
- Sensory sensitivity – clothes, fabrics, seams, and textures can determine whether something can be used at all.
- Food and taste – textures, sugar, and certain foods may be completely excluded, even during holidays.
- Predictability – spontaneous surprises, even well-meant ones, can create stress rather than joy.
- Social energy – outings, celebrations, and “normal” socializing often require more energy than they give.
This is not about unwillingness or lack of gratitude.
It’s about how the nervous system takes in the world – and how much effort it takes to remain present in it.
If you want to read more about autism in adulthood, there is clear and reliable information at Autism Sweden:
https://www.autism.se
Between the lines – my voice
Being a parent to an adult child with autism means constantly balancing.
Between wanting to give, and not overwhelming.
Between traditions and reality.
Between what looks like a celebration – and what actually feels like one.
There is no template that fits.
And sometimes love means removing things rather than adding more.
Reflection
I’ve had to let go of the image of how things should be.
Birthdays, gifts, celebrations – all those things often measured in quantity, noise, and sugar.
Instead, I try to meet him where he is.
Not where I wish he were, and not where others think he should be.
It isn’t always easy.
But it is honest.
And it is respectful.
AHA – between the lines
Adapting is not giving up.
It is understanding.
And sometimes the greatest gift is not something you wrap –
but that you listen, slow down, and allow the celebration to look different.
Because when we talk about autism in everyday life, it ultimately comes down to respect, not limitation.
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Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Yesterday has already settled into history.
Tomorrow waits further ahead.
But right now – this is where life happens.
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