Today I’m More Interested in the Questions
For years, I was searching for answers to life’s biggest questions. Today, I am more interested in the questions themselves. After years of reflecting on relationships, self-esteem, happiness, and human behavior, I’ve started to realize that life may not be about finding all the answers – but about learning to live with what we still don’t understand.
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The other day, it struck me that something has changed within me.
I used to search for answers.
I read books about self-esteem, relationships, ADHD, personal growth, and just about everything else. I wanted to understand. I wanted to find the key that would make all the pieces fall into place.
Whenever I found an answer, I became excited.
When someone had a theory, I wanted to hear more.
When someone claimed to know how things worked, I listened carefully.
I still listen today.
But something is different.
The older I get, the more I discover that people rarely hold the whole truth.
Neither do I.
Twenty years ago, I talked a lot about self-esteem. I tried to understand what it really was. I read, reflected, and wrote about it. Today, I sometimes meet people who are where I was back then.
They have found something important and want to share it.
And that is actually beautiful.
Many of us learn by trying to teach others.
But sometimes I see something else too.
A longing to be certain.
To know.
To have the answers.
And that is where I no longer recognize myself.
Not because I have become wiser.
Perhaps the opposite.
The more I have learned about people, the more questions I have gained.
Who Really Has All the Answers?
I have met people who are absolutely certain. They create lists and generously hand out advice about what works and what doesn’t.
People who know exactly how life should be lived. It would be comforting if it were that simple. But perhaps not every life can be lived in the same way.
People who know how relationships work. Here, I still feel like a student. I have lived a whole life filled with relationships, family, children, love, conflict, and grief. Yet I still feel like I don’t fully understand. Maybe relationships are something we never stop learning about.
People who know how children should be raised. Imagine if there were a handbook that always worked. Imagine if there were a way to always get it right. But children are human beings, not instructions. What works for one child does not necessarily work for another.
People who know how self-esteem is built. I’m not even sure self-esteem is something you build. Maybe it is. But if so, perhaps it is built through thoughts, actions, and understanding yourself. By asking:
What is brave for me?
What do I need?
What helps me grow?
What makes me shrink?
How Is Happiness Created?
Here, I may be closer to an answer.
Like Kay Pollak, I believe happiness is often a choice. Not a choice to ignore sorrow or difficulties, but a choice to ask:
How do I choose happiness right now?
I do it by noticing what is already around me.
A messy table.
But there is coffee in my cup.
Alfred is sitting beside me with the little toy animals his mother gave him yesterday. He plays and tells me stories about them in his own way.
And suddenly I realize that this is happiness.
Not because everything is perfect.
Not because the table is clean.
Not because life is free from worries.
But because we are here.
Together.
Grandmother and grandson.
With the morning swim still lingering in our bodies and a brand-new day ahead of us.
Maybe happiness is not something waiting far ahead.
Maybe happiness is simply pausing in the middle of ordinary life and discovering that it is already here.
Right now.
Is there anything in this moment that is happiness?
Right now, happiness is that I picked Alfred up this morning and we went for a swim. That we gave ourselves the chance to wash our hair in the lake. That we laughed together and had fun.
What can I be grateful for right now?
A brand-new day.
The first day of the rest of my life.
What is possible right now?
Everything.
At this very moment, Alfred and I are relaxing after our swim. The sun is shining, and life is unfolding right in front of me.
I used to be impressed by people who seemed to have all the answers.
Today, I realize they have their answers.
And perhaps those answers are not mine.
Today, I am more curious about people who dare to live with the questions.
Because who really has all the answers?
Not me.
And not you either.
Life has taught me that people are far too complicated for simple solutions.
The older I get, the less interested I become in people who claim to have all the answers, and the more interested I become in people who are willing to live with the questions.
The Questions Became More Important
Today, I am more interested in questions than answers.
What makes a person feel safe?
Why do we react the way we do?
What is it that creates discomfort in certain encounters?
Often, I have discovered that what bothers me in another person says more about me than about them. They show me a hidden part of myself. They remind me of something I once struggled with, or a version of myself that I like less.
I am fairly sure that this often has to do with insecurity. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of exclusion. The fear of not belonging.
Perhaps we sometimes recognize our old wounds more clearly in other people than in ourselves.
What is it that we are really longing for?
Do we long for perfectly clean homes, or do we long to be able to sit with our feelings?
I believe that when there is chaos in my mind, I need order around me.
But the more inner order I find, the more chaos I can tolerate without breaking apart.
My longing is probably less about perfection and more about acceptance.
To dare to be myself, even when I feel uncertain.
To dare to be honest.
To dare to say:
“I don’t know.”
What happens when we stop trying to be someone and instead dare to be ourselves?
I think we grow.
But I also think there is rest in that.
A rest that comes from no longer needing to perform our worth.
Being yourself is far less exhausting than trying to be someone else.
And yet, there are times when I get tired of myself.
Then I wonder:
Am I tired of myself?
Or am I tired of the image of myself that I carry around?
These are questions I still don’t have answers to.
And perhaps that is exactly why they are worth asking.
Maybe This Is What Maturity Looks Like
When I was younger, I thought wisdom meant finding the answers.
Today, I wonder if wisdom is about learning to tolerate not knowing.
To stay curious.
To change your mind.
To be able to say:
“I honestly don’t know.”
Without feeling smaller because of it.
Maybe that is where I have arrived.
I used to search for answers.
Today, I am more interested in the questions.
And strangely enough, it feels calmer here.
Reflection
The older I get, the less interested I become in people who claim to know exactly how life works. Instead, I am drawn to people who remain curious. Those who are willing to wonder, reflect, and explore. Perhaps that is where the most meaningful conversations begin.
AHA – Between the Lines
Between the lines is a woman who no longer feels the need to chase every answer. She has discovered that life is not a test to pass. It is a journey to live. And perhaps that is why the questions have become more valuable than the answers.
Question for You
What question are you carrying right now that feels more important than the answer itself?
Feel free to leave a comment. Perhaps we can help each other explore the questions instead of chasing perfect answers.
nternal Links from Malix.se
If you would like to continue exploring similar themes, you may enjoy these earlier posts:
A New Morning – On Ethics and Morality in Everyday Life
A reflection on choices, values, and how we meet one another in daily life.
Living with Positive Psychology – As I See It
My thoughts on gratitude, perspective, and finding meaning in everyday moments.
CFT and Attachment – Walking Between the Circles
About safety, relationships, compassion, and our human need for connection.
The Person Behind the Behaviour
A reflection on looking beneath actions and trying to understand what lies underneath.
Wednesday Library – Finding the Red Thread in Your Own Archive
About revisiting old texts and discovering patterns in your own growth and development.
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Yesterday has already settled into history. Tomorrow is waiting further ahead. But right now – this is where life happens.
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