Safe Circles in Life

We build cupboards through life.
Some fall apart, others hold.
And somewhere along the way, we move through safe circles in life – between calm, doing, and stress – until we find our way home again.

Read this post in Swedish →Trygga cirklar livet – om skåpen vi bygger

Det här får illustrera de trygga cirklarna.
För här blir i alla fall jag lugn.

This image gets to illustrate the safe circles.
Because here, at least, I feel calm.

The cupboards we build in safe circles in life

A new morning.
A morning where the house is asleep and I am sitting here on the sofa with my coffee and my laptop resting on my knees.
The working position may not be the best, but this is how I write in the mornings.

That cupboard I talked about yesterday has stayed with me in my thoughts.
The question of what kind of cupboard am I building hasn’t quite settled.
And if I am building cupboards – what is it that I store inside them?

I think one of my mental cupboards is the blog.
It is my work cupboard.
This is where my thoughts have room, and where words land between the days.

Maybe the question doesn’t need answers, only space to exist.
Maybe there are cupboards in life that need dusting off and being put back in order.
Chaos cupboards – you know, those cupboards and drawers where everything between heaven and earth ends up.

Or maybe some cupboards are meant to be all-between-heaven-and-earth.
We all have cupboards where what doesn’t fit anywhere else is allowed to live.

Cupboards that hold – safe circles in life

But those are not the cupboards I mean here.
I mean the cupboards we build through life.
The ones that do not fall apart.

Cupboards made of solid wood, where the glue is allowed to dry properly so everything can hold.

Do I have cupboards like that?
Are there cupboards that shrink or grow through life?

I think so.
Some things that once mattered fade with time, while others remain.
Some rest for a while, are dusted off, and then shine again.

The “must” cupboard and self-worth in safe circles

I think the must-cupboard is a cupboard that is slowly disappearing for me.
I no longer have musts that hurt.
The musts I have now are things I do because I want to – or because I need to.

The other musts, the ones I carried so others would see that here is a person who surely is good enough –
those I have let go of.

I don’t need to be good enough in other people’s eyes.
But I do need to be good enough for myself.

That, too, is part of safe circles in life – knowing where your worth belongs.

Safe circles in life – green, blue, and red

Yesterday I studied attachment and the circles within compassion.
I am starting to understand.

When I write about the circles, I mean the three states we humans move between throughout life.

The green circle – safety and recovery

The green circle is the safe one.
Where we feel calm enough to think, feel, and be ourselves.
Where there is room for both mistakes and recovery.
This is where safe circles in life feel like home.

The blue circle – doing and responsibility

The blue circle is what moves us forward.
It is about doing, solving, performing, taking responsibility.
It isn’t dangerous – it’s necessary.
But it needs rest.

The red circle – stress and threat

The red circle is the place of stress and threat.
Where the body goes into defense, thoughts race, and self-criticism easily takes over.

We all get stuck in the red circle sometimes.
That’s human.
But if we stay there too long, it begins to harm us – in our bodies, in our thoughts, and in how we see ourselves.

What matters is not to never end up there,
but to find our way back to the green.
Back to the calm where we can breathe again, think anew, and remember that we are enough even when things didn’t work out.
That is the core of safe circles in life.

Finding your way back in safe circles in life

Some things were painful to read.
But when I peeled them back and truly understood, I could see that something has actually been working within me.

I see that through life I now spend more time in the safe green circles –
or at least I find my way back there,
after having been out exploring the blue together with the red.

When I end up in the red circle – the one about stress –
I more often realize today:

I am not worthless just because what I tried didn’t work.

I need to return to the green to dare to think new thoughts.
To maybe ask for help.
Or simply do one thing at a time.

Stress does not serve me well.
But if I can be with myself for a while, in my calm inner space,
something can begin to move.
A solution can reveal itself.

🧭 Between the lines – my voice

This is a text about no longer living in cupboards built for other people’s eyes.
About slowly clearing out what no longer carries weight and seeing what truly holds.
It is not about being finished, but about knowing where calm lives when life rubs against you.

💡 AHA – between the lines

I realize that the green is not a goal I have to reach.
It is a place I can return to.
And stress does not make me worthless – it simply tells me I need to change circles.

🌱 Reflection – for you who are reading

What cupboards are you carrying through life right now?
Is there a must-cupboard that no longer needs to exist?
When were you last in your green circle – and what helped you get there?

🔗 Read more

In this post, you’ll find a link that takes you to the English version of the text.

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✨ Closing words

Carina Ikonen Nilsson

Live today, right now.
Yesterday we may have built a cupboard –
a cupboard we live in today,
and which quietly holds for the future.