The Red Circle is part of the series Safe Circles in Life…
👉 🇸🇪 Read this post in Swedish
Den röda cirkeln – när kroppen går upp i alarm
In the earlier parts of this series, I wrote about safety, exploration, and how we move between different emotional states throughout life.
The green circle was about rest, safety, and the place where we are allowed to land.
The blue circle was about exploration, creativity, and movement forward.
But today, the red circle takes center stage.
The circle of stress, alarm, defense, and the old brain.
👉 Here you can read the previous parts:
- Part 1 – Safe Circles in Life
- The Green Circle – staying in safety
- The Blue Circle – exploring without losing yourself
❤️ What is the Red Circle?
The red circle is the body’s alarm system.
It is the place where the nervous system begins to experience danger, stress, or overload.
Sometimes there are real threats.
But often it is simply the feeling that something has become too much.
Too much noise.
Too many emotions.
Too little recovery.
Too much responsibility.
Too many thoughts at the same time.
In the red circle, the body moves from safety into defense.
And it does not always look like anger.
Sometimes we become angry.
Sometimes we cry.
Sometimes we defend ourselves.
Sometimes we withdraw.
And sometimes it simply becomes… empty.
Like today.
When the words no longer come
Usually, the words come to me in lines.
Almost as if the thoughts are standing in a queue inside me, waiting to get out.
But today was different.
I tried to write this post several times, but it was empty.
Not empty of feelings — but empty of access to the words.
And maybe that was when I realized that I myself was standing in red.
Because in the red circle, the brain does not always function as usual.
The body prioritizes survival, protection, and vigilance before reflection and creativity.
That is why people sometimes:
- say things they do not mean,
- lose patience,
- forget,
- shut down,
- struggle to think clearly,
- or no longer find the words.
And sometimes, like today for me,
writing simply disappears for a while.
🧠 The old brain and ADHD
For many of us with ADHD, the red circle can become especially strong.
The nervous system is often already working hard with emotions, impressions, and thoughts.
That is why conflict, stress, or fear can more quickly turn into alarm.
That does not mean we are weak.
It simply means the system sometimes moves into protection faster.
And when the body ends up there, it becomes difficult to:
- sort thoughts,
- find words,
- understand what we truly need,
- or make sense of why everything suddenly feels so overwhelming.
For many people with ADHD, life becomes a constant attempt to regulate a nervous system that is already working intensely.
❤️ When the body sees danger even where kindness exists
One of the hardest parts of the red circle is that the body sometimes reacts to danger before we have even understood the situation ourselves.
Sometimes there is actually no one trying to hurt us.
And yet the nervous system goes into alarm.
A tone of voice.
A look.
Silence.
A conflict.
Or simply the feeling that we might be rejected.
And suddenly the body reacts as if we need to defend ourselves.
That does not always mean the threat is real.
But the experience inside the body is still real.
Especially for people who have spent a long time being vigilant, reading emotional atmospheres, or protecting themselves emotionally.
The nervous system learns to react quickly.
Sometimes faster than reality actually requires.
And maybe we need to understand that more gently — both in ourselves and in each other.
Attachment and the Red Circle
For many of us, the red circle is also connected to attachment.
To the fear of losing closeness, being rejected, or no longer feeling safe in a relationship.
That is when small things can suddenly feel very big.
A person becoming quiet.
A conflict.
Someone pulling away.
A feeling of distance.
And the body reacts before the mind has had time to understand whether the relationship is truly threatened or not.
That is also why people sometimes:
- cling tighter,
- become defensive,
- withdraw,
- overadapt,
- or become highly sensitive to small signals.
Not because they want to create problems.
But because the nervous system is trying to protect something important.
🧩 When the body remembers old experiences
Sometimes we are not only reacting to the present moment.
The body also carries old experiences.
It does not always take major trauma to leave traces.
Sometimes years of stress, insecurity, conflict, or never truly feeling safe in yourself are enough.
Then the body learns to stay prepared.
To read people quickly.
To sense danger early.
To protect itself before anything has even happened.
And that is why some people live with a nervous system that is almost always slightly on guard.
⚡ When we stay in red for too long
When we remain in the red circle for too long, something often happens to self-worth.
Because when the body lives in alarm for a long time, we begin to interpret ourselves through stress instead of through our true value.
We may start believing:
- that we are too sensitive,
- too much,
- difficult,
- a failure,
- bad at relationships,
- or that we always do something wrong.
Not because it is true —
but because the nervous system is constantly focused on protecting, defending, or surviving.
And when the body stays in red for too long, it becomes difficult to feel:
- safety,
- trust,
- calm,
- and connection to our own worth.
Instead, we begin measuring ourselves through:
- performance,
- control,
- conflict,
- other people’s reactions,
- or how well we avoid making mistakes.
That is also why people who have lived in red for a long time sometimes:
- apologize too much,
- become overly adaptive,
- become defensive quickly,
- withdraw,
- or constantly try to prove their value.
Not because they are weak —
but because self-worth has slowly become connected to survival instead of safety.
And the sad part is that many people do not even notice when this happens.
They think:
“This is just who I am.”
When in reality, it is often a nervous system that has been overloaded for far too long without enough green in between.
🌿 The way back to green
What helped me today was actually to stop trying to write from the middle of the feeling.
The fear of not finding the words, of ending up empty and without content.
Instead, I began writing more objectively.
A little more from the outside.
As if I was observing the red circle instead of standing inside it.
And slowly, the body began to calm down.
Not because everything disappeared.
But because the nervous system no longer needed to defend itself as intensely.
I was standing in the red circle as if the blog itself had become a threat.
And often, that is what the way back to green looks like:
not pushing ourselves harder —
but finding safety, slowing down, and lowering the demands a little.
Sometimes it is about:
- rest,
- silence,
- a safe person,
- the couch at home,
- crying,
- writing,
- being understood,
- or simply having someone who does not ask more from us in that moment.
The beautiful thing is that self-worth can also begin to heal when we get more green into our lives.
Safer relationships.
Recovery.
Boundaries.
Compassion.
And the feeling of:
“I am allowed to exist even when I am not performing.”
Maybe that is why green is not only about calmness.
Maybe it is also the place where human worth slowly finds its way home again. 🌿
✨ Personal reflection – the Red Circle
For a long time, I thought the red circle only meant anger.
But today I understand that it can also be fear.
Emptiness.
Exhaustion.
Words disappearing.
The body losing its way.
And maybe that is exactly why we need to talk more about it.
Not to stay stuck in red.
But to understand what is happening before we judge ourselves too harshly.
Because sometimes the person is not the problem.
Sometimes it is simply a nervous system that needs safety again.
🌱 AHA – between the lines
The red circle is not a failure.
It is the body’s way of trying to protect us when something has become too much.
And maybe healing begins when we stop feeling ashamed of our alarm systems and instead learn to understand them more gently.
🔗 Continue in the series
👉 Also read:
👉 Next part:
How we move between the circles in everyday life
🌿 Reflection for you reading
How do you notice when you have entered red?
Do you become angry, quiet, tired, or empty?
And what helps you return to safety again?
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✨
Carina Ikonen Nilsson
Yesterday has already come to rest in history.
Tomorrow is waiting further ahead.
But right now – this is where life happens.
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