The red, green and blue circle has helped me understand how we as humans move between safety, alarm and exploration.
🇸🇪 Läs detta inlägg på svenska: När det röda bara nosar – och vi hittar tillbaka till grönt
This post is about presence and conversation — about being listened to without being fixed, and about how we can find our way back to ourselves.
And who is sitting here in the living room, writing?
Who submitted the final assignments last week — and who now stands here, finished, with a chapter completed?
Yes, I can proudly say: that was me.
I am done now.
I thought it would be difficult, but I realize now that I already carried much of this within me. Maybe that is not so strange. I have worked with people all my life, and I have always been drawn to conversation.
Because things happen in conversation.
It is in conversation that I hear myself say things I can begin to question.
And if I shift the focus from me to you, I think you understand what I mean.
All those words we say to ourselves — the ones that sometimes become our truths — that is where the work begins. That is where growth starts.
The red, green and blue circle – and old fears
When we begin to question our inner dialogue, we may also need someone to talk to.
If we only stay in our own thoughts, not much changes. We mostly reinforce what we have already told ourselves.
Our old brain loves that.
It wants to protect us.
It reacts quickly to anything that feels dangerous.
It is as if something inside us is still running on the savannah, looking for lions.
The body and brain try to save us — even when the danger is no longer here.
And then I shift the thought from the savannah… to the little you.
The child who needed support and guidance, but maybe did not always receive it.
The child who found ways to cope long before there were words for it.
The child who wanted attention and sometimes met an absent gaze.
That is where something in us learns:
This is dangerous.
You might be excluded.
It is best to fit in.
Stay quiet.
Protect yourself.
When the alarm goes off
When the old brain takes over, we move into the red.
This is where stress, fear and protection live.
We react before we have time to think.
But this post is not about staying in the red.
It is about touching it, noticing that the alarm went off — and then finding our way back.
Back to green
Back to safety.
Back to calm.
Back to a place where the body is no longer on high alert.
The blue – where we understand
From green, we can move into blue.
This is where we can reflect, think and begin to understand what actually happened.
We might say to ourselves:
Something turned red. It felt dangerous.
But maybe it was an old fear being activated.
Maybe it was not about this moment at all.
And when we see that, new questions open:
Can I think a little more gently about myself?
Can I admit that something did not go quite right?
What do I need right now?
Returning to safety in the red green blue circle
Maybe we dare to say what lies underneath everything:
I was afraid you would not like me.
And when that thought is allowed to surface, everything else becomes easier to understand.
Maybe you do and do — not only because you want to, but because you believe that is how you are allowed to stay.
Maybe you fix, organize and take responsibility because you believe that is how you are accepted.
So you are not too much.
So you are not rejected.
So you are not excluded.
And sometimes… maybe you even exclude yourself first, just to avoid the risk that someone else might.
Maybe you think:
It is better that I do it myself — otherwise it will be wrong.
But will it really be wrong?
Or just different from your way?
If the result turns out fine, even if someone else did it their way — what is it that feels so difficult?
Maybe it is not the situation itself.
Maybe it is an old fear waking up.
And that is where something important can be practiced:
To trust a little more.
To stay a little longer.
Not always protect first.
Not always take over or withdraw.
Because sometimes, it is not the world that wants to shut us out.
Sometimes it is old experiences whispering that we must protect ourselves.
But today, maybe we can choose differently.
The red green blue circle shows how we move between safety, alarm and reflection.
Where conversation matters
This is where conversation becomes so important.
In conversation, we begin to hear what we are telling ourselves.
We begin to understand where those words come from.
We begin to see that the red is not always about now.
And eventually, we can choose whether we want to keep believing those old truths.
Maybe that is where growth lives.
Not in judging ourselves for reacting — but in understanding why we did, and what we need to return.
First to green.
Then to blue.
And from there… perhaps into a softer way of being human.
A place to pause
When you feel stuck…
When you feel alone or unheard…
When you keep doing and doing without reaching a sense of completion…
Then it may help to have someone who helps you pause, sort and understand.
I have now completed my training in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) — learning how we can meet what hurts with greater safety, warmth and understanding.
Because when you return to the present moment, you can also begin to return to yourself.
And maybe that is where you can start to feel whole again.
I am done now.
And it does not feel like an ending — but like a beginning.
I have written more about circles and emotional systems here on the blog.
You can read my first post about the circles here:
👉 https://malix.se/trygga-cirklar-i-livet/
And here you can read more about the green circle:
👉 https://malix.se/den-grona-cirkeln-att-stanna-i-trygghet/
Between the lines – my voice
This post is not only about regulation and emotional systems.
It is also about a person who has started to meet her own reactions with less shame and more understanding.
About the courage to stay, to listen inward, and to choose softer thoughts instead of old judgments.
Reflection
We sometimes need to touch the red to understand that something inside us felt afraid.
But we are not meant to stay there.
We need to return to green — to safety — and from there move into blue, where curiosity and understanding can grow.
Live today, right now. Yesterday rests in history, and tomorrow waits out there in the distance. Right now is what matters.
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